A Beautiful Life

A Beautiful Life, a film that I produced and co-wrote with Wendy Hammond, opens on October 2nd in limited release and stars Jesse Garcia, Angela Sarafyan, Bai Ling, Dana Delany, and Debi Mazar.

The film deals with sexual abuse, love and violence. I'm not going to give the plot away except to say it ends with hope, which is why I spent so many years of my life trying to make it.

I understand this story.  I, like Maggie, the main character, am a survivor.  I know what made her run and I understand what made her hide and search for a better existence.  
 
My wish is for this film to contribute to the continuing dialogue of how to better prevent abuse, as well as to protect and understand the survivors of sexual abuse.  

We need to know abuse occurs in many forms and many times a day all over this country and it has no relationship to race, gender, religion or social status.  It happens among the rich and the poor.  It happens to Asians, Latinos, Caucasians, Native Americans, African Americans and we need to make it safe for victims to come forward without fear.  And we need to recognize it happens in many forms; within families, groups of friends or as a random crime.
 
There are many children, women and men that we never hear about because their cases are not as outlandish as Jaycee Dugard’s or involves celebrities like Samantha Geimer and Roman Polanski, but they have all suffered. Sexual assault and abuse is much more prevalent than we know or statistics show.
 
Speaking up is important. Learning to have a voice helps victims make the transition into survivors.  We need to know we are not alone.

Overcoming the feelings of shame is a long process. It’s so strange that we are not only victims of others but we become victims of ourselves when we feel shame for a crime that was actually perpetrated against us.  Maybe we do so because those who perpetrate violence see us as objects and attempt to take away our humanity and leave us helpless, powerless and voiceless.

I do worry about people who are abused who are silent and surrounded by others who continue to blame them for their role as “victims” and perpetrate another painful form of abuse: the malice of ignorance.

Survivors of violent crimes deserve to be shielded and protected and not re-victimized. Our legal system - as it’s set up now - does just that exposing the victims of crimes to defense attorneys who are often more interested in winning a case than serving justice, but I don’t know what the answer is, as even the evil have a right to due process.

So while we may discuss laws and human rights and the creation of this film, we as human beings can also make sure that we learn to look at a survivor of sexual assault or abuse with acceptance and empathy, and by doing that we will make a huge difference in their lives.  Believe me, I know.

Follow Deborah Calla on Twitter: www.twitter.com/debcalla

Comments

[KristiC]

"Speaking up is important. Learning to have a voice helps victims make the transition into survivors. We need to know we are not alone."
This is such an important topic! Thank you for addressing it. Speaking up about what happened to us is crucial to the healing process. Yet in doing so, we come face to face with ignorance and misunderstanding. There are the people who don't understand what we've been through—and perhaps do not want to—and there are people who cannot imagine why we'd ever want to speak about these things publicly. These kinds of reactions can contribute to secondary wounding in a victim, who has to deal with not only the abuse but also the reactions to it.

These are some of the topics I cover in my blog Surviving Therapist Abuse http://survivingtherapistabuse.wordpress.com. I think that while people find it easier to relate to and empathize with a child who has been abused by an adult, they have a much harder time understanding that adults can be abused and exploited, too. That lack of understanding contributes to the sense of shame and makes it much harder for adult victims to come forward and speak out. But that is exactly what needs to happen in order for that person to heal.

[Celeste Wiser]

Thank you for making a film about the effects of sexual abuse. And thank you for being open about your own victimization.

What an important movie!

Sexual abuse of children is pervasive and devastating. But, as you demonstrate, it does not have to destroy the victim. I am the psychiatrist at the UC Davis CAARE Center, the child abuse treatment center for all of northern California. Every day I witness victims -- many of them children in foster care -- overcome not only their deep anxiety (often PTSD) and sadness/ anger (often severe mood disorders), but also learn to develop healthy (safe and nurturing) relationships and true self-esteem (instead of self-loathing).

I'm sorry to go on and on here. I'm just grateful that you've made exactly this movie, especially now when our center's funding has just been slashed in the past two weeks because of UC and county budget crises. As a result, our programs are being eliminated because treatment of child sexual abuse is considered "nonessential".

Thank you for your help in spreading the word, for showing the reality of child sexual abuse, both by what you have written here and by making "A Beautiful Life."

Deborah, you are a brave and wise woman!

[Rebafan21]

I'm really interested in seeing this film, but it's not showing anywhere near where I live and was wondering if you know if it will available on dvd anytime in the near future? Thanks!

[Deborah Calla - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes, it should be available on dvd within the next three months. A Beautiful Life will show in LA, NY, Seattle, SF and Chicago. Best,

[Rebafan21]

Thank you so much! I'm looking forward to it!

[Catothemuchyounger]

One small point. Defense attorneys are not "often" ore interested in winning the case then serving justice, they are always more interested in winning the case. Or to put it another way, their role in the justice system is to do everything they legally can to get their client acquitted or the best deal that can be obtained. That is thought, in the long run, to serve justice.

[Deborah Calla - Huffpost Blogger]

Of course you are absolutely right. The reason why I used the word "often" is that I always like to leave an open door. But in this situation there is no open door and I should have left the word "often" out. Thanks for pointing it out.