Bitch Please! Look Fabulous After 50?

Freaking out because you're over 50 and feel like you're no longer young or attractive? There's good news and bad coming your way. The bad news is you're partially right. You're not that young.
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Freaking out because you're over 50 and feel like you're no longer young or attractive? There's good news and bad coming your way. The bad news is you're partially right. You're not that young. Note the "that" because you are still relatively young in the scheme of things. Lots of people live well into their 90s. To them you are a spring chicken, not even remotely old.

Now the good news: If looking good is your goal, you can. It's all in the attitude. So, break out your inner gorgeous self and get started today because you are about to bitch-slap any insecurities you have about getting older. It's all about the 3 R's. And, no, they are no longer Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmatic. That's "old" thinking and we are all about dumping that mindset.

The New Three R's of Being Beautiful

1. Reframe your age. Instead of lamenting the things you're losing as you age, you know like elasticity or the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, consider the perks of the passing years. You're smarter than you once were. So smart, in fact, you don't let the media stereotypes about aging unnerve you. You know those photos of women are airbrushed and "Photoshopped," so you no longer aspire to look like those unrealistic images. You know you look good when you smile and you've learned a smile goes a long way toward making life easier and more pleasant. You've learned running or walking a few miles feels pretty damn good and you no longer care how fast you do it. You've learned the power of being grateful for every day you wake up with the ability to take on a new day. Appreciating that will definitely improve the expression on your face. You may have chosen not to embrace your silver hair but you've learned the joy of embracing life's silver linings. That can make you beautiful. But, if you do crave compliments, try this: Lie about your age. Tell people you are ten years older than you are. They're bound to say, "Wow, you look amazing for your age." Okay, they may be lying, but it'll feel good to hear.

2. Raise some hell. You can get away with stuff you could never get away with in your 20s. Better yet, raise some hell with friends. Be a little loud, a bit boisterous, and somewhat naughty. Say things you would never have said when you were younger. It has been scientifically proven you look better surrounded by people you love. Why do you think Girls' Night Out is such a popular activity? You think ladies just like to go out drinking with their friends to have fun? Okay, they do, but they also do it because friendship makes everyone better looking. A night out laughing with friends is, again, scientifically proven to knock five years off your old ass. Combine hellraising with outdoor exercise and it knocks ten years off your old ass. So take a hike in the woods with your friends, and at some point, strip off your shirts and go topless.

3. Refuse to get old. You've heard the expression "It's mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." So, if you simply refuse to accept aging as a bad thing, you just won't. As I said before, break out your inner bitch and kick fear of aging to the curb like you wish you had done with that bad boy you lusted after in high school who treated you like crap.

Give yourself this five-minute gift. After you finish reading The Huffington Post, watch this video of (then) 66-year-old firebrand actress Andrea Martin singing while swinging upside down from a trapeze. I kid you not. It'll make you believe you can do anything. And, you'll look better as you feel more energized and confident. My favorite line in the song is this:

I believe if I refuse to grow old, I can stay young till I die.

When I need a lift, I sing it to myself. Loudly. I'm pretty sure when I sing it I look at least 10 percent better, or 10 percent younger. Or maybe I just care 10 percent less.

Finally, remember this: How you look as you age is up to you. Want to learn to love your silver locks? Enjoy. Prefer to choose the hair color of your dreams? That's fabulous, too. Dress how you want, act how you want, and know that choosing to do what makes you feel better automatically makes you look better. At any age.

If you had fun reading my take on aging, I invite you to read my take on how children's books are messing with grandparents in an annoying way.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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