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Betrayed by a Frenemy? 5 Steps to Remove That Knife from Your Back

Posted: 04/25/11 11:02 AM ET

There was a gal I knew in college -- let's call her Lola -- who delighted in sleeping with the boyfriends of other girls. Lola would get friendly with the couple, the unsuspecting gal would start to trust Lola, and wham! Lola would seduce her guy. Lola got whatever Lola wanted, and you got an energetic knife in the back. As the saying goes, with friends like these, who needs enemies?

One minute you're red-hot furious at Lola; you'd like to poke out her eyes and drop-kick her across town. The next minute you're wondering what you did wrong. How come you didn't see this coming? Aren't you sexy enough for him? Too fat? Too flat-chested? Too bossy?

You may start to feel like you've got a constant cold, your immune system is shot, you're gaining weight from drowning your sorrows in ice cream, you've let yourself go, and you're just so tired all the time. Where has your energy, your passion for life, gone? Other than going after Lola with a pitchfork, what can you do to put this experience behind you?

You can remove the energetic connection you have with Lola or, for that matter, with anyone who has stuck a proverbial knife in your back. Maybe it was placed there by a jealous co-worker, relative or ex; energetically, they all work the same. Indigenous peoples knew that energy was real, even though it couldn't be seen. They knew how to remove virtual knives. I've learned one of their techniques that works well and I can pass it on to you.

Here are five simple steps to remove a virtual knife from your back :

  1. Sit with your eyes closed.
  2. Picture your Lola in front of you. Visualize her in as much detail as possible, including her surroundings.
  3. Breathe in as you turn your head from the center to the left; breathe out as you turn your head over to the right. Breathe in, head to left, breathe out, head to right. Keep picturing your Lola as she comes more sharply into focus.
  4. As you continue the breathing pattern, recall the events that happened until there is nothing left to process emotionally. This may take 10 or 15 minutes, and you may want to repeat it several days in a row, until you feel very little emotion during the process.
  5. Disconnect each time you do the exercise by doing three sweeping motions with the head -- right, left, right -- but with no breath. Let your head come to rest in the center.

The shamans of ancient Mexico teach that the breath in this exercise retrieves your energy from the scene and disconnects you from the negativity sent your way. By breathing in from right to left while remembering a feeling, your breath picks up your spent energy, and it's the expenditure of your own energy that is so aging. The exhalation from left to right gets rid of any unwanted energy left in your own energy field. I teach shamanic techniques like this one in my new book, "Be Your Own Shaman."

Chances are, you'll feel more vital and alive after the exercise. And you know you're much, much wiser now about whom you'll choose to befriend next time.

 

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There was a gal I knew in college -- let's call her Lola -- who delighted in sleeping with the boyfriends of other girls. Lola would get friendly with the couple, the unsuspecting gal would start to t...
There was a gal I knew in college -- let's call her Lola -- who delighted in sleeping with the boyfriends of other girls. Lola would get friendly with the couple, the unsuspecting gal would start to t...
 
 
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05:52 PM on 06/15/2011
I rarely have conflicts with people, so a recent event really threw me - my son's wedding! We totally supported him and his fiancee in their wish for a small wedding, so only our nuclear family was invited - no family friends, aunts, uncles, or cousins, even the grandparents were only invited at the last minute. We supported it - only to find out when we got there that there were 4 of us and over 20 from the bride's family! Also, they'd rented a big cabin, but only the bride's family was invited to stay there! We also provided baby pictures of our son for a slide show to be done of them both - only a video from the bride's family was shown. The biggest shocker though, was at the end of the ceremony, they announced they are changing their last name to a character from the bride's favorite book. (i.e., renouncing the family name). We learned all this in the span of a few hours. We have always loved and supported our son and thought we had a terrific relationship - this was a devastating day and caused a rift in our relationship for months. We are talking again now, and he says he never meant to be hurtful. I feel betrayed by them both, mostly by my new DIL.
09:28 AM on 05/01/2011
Hi Deborah - question - would this be the same as when entities attach to you when you are vulnerable and you are unaware you are carrying them around? Thanks.
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FoxIslander
Fox Island...no relation to Fox News
12:25 PM on 04/29/2011
I'm amazed at how horribly some women/girls treat their friends/ co-workers. I dont see this much on the male side. Lol at the stock photo.
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stargazer13
To Love One Is To Love All
11:45 AM on 04/29/2011
Forgiveness is key !

we have all made mistakes

we all want to be forgiven !

when you forgive a trespass against you !

you forgive your self in the process !

and we all are better off in the end :)

for we are all one in living life
10:23 AM on 04/29/2011
I had a good "friend" at work undermine my position; I didn't figure it out in time, unfortunately. Co
06:33 PM on 04/27/2011
In my younger years I was both the recipient and the cause of betrayal. Because I can now see how much pain I was in, I can recognize that others are also in pain. They are looking for love just like I was. They felt disconnected from spirit as I did. This is a great tool if it is needed - thanks Deborah. I am hoping I am far beyond this low level of unhappiness.
02:59 PM on 04/27/2011
I agree fully we all have dark sides that come from emotions not owned. Not only does being aware of my feelings decrease the likelihood of me dumping on another, it also makes me much less vulnerable to someone doing it to me.

Thanks for the post.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Deborah King
04:07 PM on 04/27/2011
You're so right, Owen - the more clarity we have about ourselves, the less likely we are subject to the whims of others. Thanks!
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artechno
04:59 PM on 04/26/2011
Great Advice...it never ceases to amaze me how many people are walking around holding grudges, or who are mortally wounded by somebody so long ago..why aren't people taught to heal themselves from these psychological attacks...?
08:39 PM on 04/25/2011
Ah Lola, my old co-worker! What a miserable human being. I wondered for years why she ran into trouble everywhere she went. Then I realized it was because SHE was everywhere she went. The pain from the knife had lessened over the years, but thank you for helping me remove it completely!
07:07 PM on 04/25/2011
Hey - it works! Bye Bye Lola - thanks Deborah!
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Susan Shaffer
tell me from the beginning
06:42 PM on 04/25/2011
i had a horribly disappointing experience with a frenemy.
i helped her out financially time and again
on so many levels she made bad decisions and i was determined to have a better life than my mother. so in the end i had what my friend wanted but was not able to negotiate.
she stole from me, complained to child services and generally created havoc. her own sister defended me against child services. her pragmatic words were at least now they know you are a good mother.
someone said to me no good deed goes unpunished.
i have not spoken to her since
if i ever meet her again i will tell her
"it is horrible to be old and poor in america. it is worse to be old and poor and sick. the only thing worse than that is to be old and poor and sick and stupid"
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Deborah King
07:28 AM on 04/26/2011
You can totally disconnect from the negativity of that experience; try doing the exercise a few times and see if you don't feel better. It works!
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purenergy
05:24 PM on 04/25/2011
Sounds like the recapitulation technique as taught by Don Juan in Castenadas books...interesting.
02:20 PM on 04/25/2011
I've seen it happen a number of times from early grade school through adulthood. Petty jealousies and resentments can arise between two people thought to be "friends."
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Beka13
Soylent green is made of...
12:19 PM on 04/25/2011
I live by this simple rule...Never make a female mad at you, who is smarter, prettier and/or single. If you do come across as catty or can be proven to show any sort of animosity in anyway then you deserve anything you get. If she acts that way without any provocation whatsoever then she is the one with the problem and Karma will take care of her.
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KayAch7
Lets Be Pragmatic
10:16 PM on 04/25/2011
Interesting...I'll keep this in mind.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Deborah King
07:16 AM on 04/26/2011
Great rule, Beka13, I'm going to remember it!
10:31 AM on 04/25/2011
it always amazes me that Lolas can be so mean and boyfriends/husbands so vulnerable...is it too late to do this 20 years after the divorce?
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Amadahy
loves peanut M&Ms and Whippoorwills
06:57 PM on 04/25/2011
Some boyfriends/husbands may be that vulnerable, but those that have their heart and head in the right place see right through it. I was hit on by a friend's girlfriend and I looked at her like the betraying person she was. No words were even necessary. By the way, I thought she was very attractive and I fantasized of being with her. But even if I wanted it to happen, it wasn't going to happen as a result of betraying a friend of mine.
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Deborah King
07:19 AM on 04/26/2011
It's never too late to disconnect from the energy of a "frenemy" - it can be done even after death.