Elizabeth Edwards on Oprah: What Was the Point?

What Elizabeth Edwards calls resilience, some of us would call denial. No matter how much she refuses to speak (or write) the name of the "other woman" or says that finding out whether or not her husband is the father of the baby would not impact her life, there was no hiding what her body language was saying.

First of all, there was the way she was dressed. Yikes, who picked that outfit! I think that if Oprah were coming to my house to interview me, I'd be as careful with my wardrobe as with my words. Unless, of course, she was really trying to convey "poor me."

At the start, Elizabeth mentions she can't wear her wedding ring having jammed that finger; how Freudian.

She held up fairly well during the interview, although the self-doubt she expressed as the wronged woman -- did I dress all wrong at home, what do I mean to my husband, the classic "what's wrong with me" -- was echoed in the way she held herself hunched inward. The issues of trust they are working on as a couple are equaled by the shaken trust in herself: she had failed to keep her husband faithful -- THE one thing that meant the most to her. (While tempted, I won't digress here and talk about how she "took on" her mother's issue of spousal infidelity)

It was at the end of the interview when she and Oprah went down the hall lined with family photos to find John that Elizabeth became clearly ill-at-ease. She stood nervously with her arms folded across her chest, trying to hide whatever might be revealed in the light of Oprah's cameras. Arms crossed over the chest signify feelings of vulnerability, but in this particular instance, it's signaling her fear for John's safety. She was terrified that Oprah would pin him to the wall with a question he wouldn't want to answer. And John looked like he had been gutted -- out in front of the public not to kiss babies and garner votes as the good guy, but for everyone to wonder if the "other woman's" baby is his and what kind of sleazeball is he cheating on his sick wife.

Their body language as a couple told its own story. It was obvious that Elizabeth is his protector (emotionally, not financially), not the other way around. He is the man-child she tries to protect from his own stupidity. But Oprah was pretty kind to him. And when it was clear that she had asked her last question, Elizabeth suddenly melted in relief. Her entire body language changed from being held tightly in fear to one of unabashed release. He looked pretty thankful it was over as well!

The irony, of course, is that Elizabeth's book and the massive media blitz are designed not as much to inspire others through times of hardship (Elizabeth's stated purpose) but to punish John for his transgressions, to put him in his place so it never happens again. And we watch this car wreck of a marriage dragged before the public because we can't turn away.

Comments

[mphsnme]

If Elizabeth was truly resilient, she wouldn't have written a book she would be over it and above it. But she is not. She came off looking smug, spiteful, and like a woman most 50 year old men would cheat on, more than once, which John has, she is just upset that this one gained national attention, and she is getting her revenge. This book has nothing to do with inspiration. The inspiration would have been in handling her private affairs herself, instead of in public. She misses the limelight and wants the attention. I would think a woman whose days are numbered would spend them better. Also, I found it offensive that the interview was done in her sprawling mansion, it seemed to say look what I would lose if I left him. It was clear by both of their body language that once the interview is over and the camera is gone, he goes to one side of the 35,000 house, she goes to the other.

[Cia2]

A healer does not flay the wounded and unhealed.

[myviewalso]

He did not come out looking more sympathetic to me. He came out looking awfully sorry he goofed. Why should he walk away without experiencing the pain? Are we all supposed to protect John Edwards from the consequences of his own actions? Give EE a break.

[Bold1]

AND, What about protecting all of their CHILDREN from all of this. The children do not deserve this exposure , they are already dealing with enormous pain, confusion, fear. Children should be considered first and foremost and their needs for privacy have been totally disregarded. Yes, EE's anger and feelings of betrayal are her feelings, but take care of it privately, perhaps having family therapy. But, don't drag these children , of all ages, into all of this public flogging again. Let it be. This is not a way for healing for anybody, certainly not for Elizabeth. Everyone wants to blame, but as we know life and relationships are extremely complex . I pray for these children and I hope they are all in some type of counseling . This hurts no one more than the children .

[plex]

Hopefully she can find some inner peace before entering into her next life.

[AgnesBankhead]

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned even if she still wants the SOB .........

[badinfluence]

yes their body language indicated that there is no love there right now, the way he shugged his shoulders and said he "cared" for her, and the way they kept their distance from each other. If they touched (which I don't recall they did) I'm sure it was uncomfortable. You could sense the tension. I think that EE wanted the interview at her house so that she could show "she who shall not be named" her nice home & family and know what she had a part in trying to destroy, and how she (EE) holds the power - an almost "nah nah nah nah na!" Of course many (including myself) think that if it weren't for those 2 younger kids she'd have kicked his ass to the curb. You wonder if he'll hang in there until she dies for the sake of the kids. When the news breaks on the paternity test will that be the final straw? What an incredibly selfish person John is to have completely turned so many lives upside down.

[cisco1]

Well, as they say "The camera never lies" - just have to look closely to see the real deal!

[KristineMorris]

Insightful article, Deborah. Besides the real design of Resilience being "to punish John for his transgressions, to put him in his place so it never happens again," Elizabeth's book is also pushing the theme that she was the one pushing John to end his campaign. I find it odd then, that she has no answer when Oprah asked her why she didn't encourage John to end his run after her cancer had returned in March of '07. According to page 3 of this Politico article:
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0509/22127.html
“John was much more reluctant to continue the campaign than she was,” said a former aide who was present as they made their decision.”
This former aide’s claim shows that Elizabeth is deceiving the public with regard to the true extent of her own ambition.

[Chip1222]

She was on OPRAH for the same reason as she wrote the book. Both provided validation to a woman who deserves whatever good in life there is to offer. She may not have the best wardrobe consultant, but she certainly has a heart-breaking story that needs to be told.

[Chris202]

Resilience is #9 on amazon's best seller list it's first day of release. Good for Elizabeth Edwards!

[Steadyguy]

Very refreshing to hear a woman talk about what really went on in that interview on Oprah. I thought I was the only one that noticed that Elizabeth was really out to fix him. You were right - he did look "gutted;" just like the fish I catch. Good read.

[hotone]

Very interesting observations. Having been the "wronged" woman at one point in my life, I could certainly understand Elizabeth's self doubts. But I didn't write a book about it to flay my (now ex) husband in public. I know that writing is very healing, but a manuscript put away in her desk drawer might have been a better idea! He came out looking more sympathetic than I expected.

[Deborah King - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes, surprisingly, I too ended up after the Oprah interview feeling more sympathy for John Edwards than for Elizabeth. it's one thing to be really angry with your partner and quite another to hang him in full public view. I found it pretty depressing.