My mother finally got her chance to be a stay-at-home mom... at age 65. As a single Mother with 5 kids she didn't have a 'choice' of staying home and raising her kids... she HAD to work to put food on our table, clothes on our backs and a roof over our heads. My mom worked two jobs, riding the bus ever yday to clean homes in one of the richest parts of town to put me and my brothers and sisters through school and me through college. While we lived in a two-bedroom apartment in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Dallas, I don't ever recall anything that I wanted that she didn't work hard to give me. And regardless of our economic circumstances, the values were always there. We HAD to do our homework before watching television, we HAD to go to church on Sundays, we HAD to be in the house before the sun went down and we HAD to eat out vegetables at dinner. (I still hate beets!) My mom wasn't a working mom or a stay-at-home mom... she was just a MOM!
While Hilary Rosen's comments about Ann Romney not working "a day in her life" might have been ill-advised (and very ill-timed if you're a Democrat), the underlying premise of her remarks is that at least Ann Romney had that choice! Most women simply don't have a choice of being a "working mom" or a "stay-at-home mom" -- they're just busy trying to be a mom. Their circumstances do not allow them the luxury of deciding whether or not they are going to work... they simply HAVE to work.
This controversy has predictably started a Republican outcry touting the power of the "stay-at-home moms." I'm sure that many mothers would LOVE to be stay-at home moms and to those who can, I say more power to you; but let's not forget that many women simply do not have that luxury. Like a marriage, many women have to work for better, for worse -- for richer, for poorer -- through sickness and health, till death they do part. Those women are called the "working moms"!
I don't know Ann Romney but she seems like a lovely woman. But with all due respect, for Ann Romney to attempt to act like she has the faintest idea of what women like my mom had to go through is ludicrous and for Mitt Romney to throw this dog and pony show by dragging his wife out on the campaign trail with the promise that his wife can "tell him what women today are going through" is even worse. I don't begrudge Ann Romney for her wealth or for being a stay-at-home mom. What I do not like is someone worth over $20 million dollars telling me that they know what I go through and what's even more insane is that the policies that Mitt Romney is promising to enact should he win the presidency would make life even harder for women like my mother and even better for women like Ann Romney.
My mom is now 78 years-old with diabetes and showing early stages of Alzheimer's, but she's still going strong... and even though all of her children are grown and have left home, she is still a "stay-at-home mom." My only wish is that she could have had that choice earlier in her life when it would have mattered and when she could have truly enjoyed it!
Thanks Mom!
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach: Would Hilary Rosen Have Criticized Stay-at-Home Dads as Never Having Worked?
Lauren Ashburn: Rosen/Romney Flap: Twitter Is the New Confessional
Thank you for your article. I will say, however, that your article only further PROVES the Republican stance of STRONG FAMILIES and promoting the institution of families. Without knowing the full consequences of your upbringing I am going to assume that either your father passed at an early age, or did not fulfill his commitments (If he passed at an early age then the following comments do not apply).
The SAHM choice, unfortunately, is one that is not made BY the woman in many cases but rather FOR the woman. MEN have got to step up and fulfill the commitments they make, they have to bear the consequences of their decisions, and they have to learn to sacrifice for the good of the family. FAR too many men do not allow (I use that term unoffensively) their spouses to be SAHMs either by not being willing to sacrifice, not working hard enough, or not fulfilling their parental commitments and it is MEN who should be ashamed when that is the case NOT women. Having said that, My wife is a SAHM and I am NOT rich (I make between 90k-110k per year now but haven't always). We have to make sacrifices so she can do so. My children go to Public School, we drive used cars that we can pay cash for, and live in a modest (1500 sq ft) house in a suburb of Dallas.
I don't begrudge Ms Romney having had those perks, if I could, I'd wish that ALL women had them and could stay home doing nothing more than having chauffers, cooks, nannies and gardeners to "help with the house, the yard and the child rearing." Unfortunately, no one granted me three wishes, so I'll just have to keep on admiring the real working moms of today and of days gone by... those women who wash their own floor, make a shopping list and do their own food shopping then come home to put together balanced meals to feed their families, clean the kitchen after the meal, go throw in a load of laundry to be washed and dried, put the kids to bed, do a bit of housecleaning and then fall into their own beds hoping for a few hours of sleep before getting up to start all over again. THOSE ARE THE REAL WORKING MOMS!
"A working mom is the same thing as a stay-at-home-mom."
Brought to you by the same people who gave us "Corporations are people, too!" and "Rich begins at $5 Million a year."
"Ann is fortunate that her husband stuck by her through Cancer and MS. as many men just bail out of the marriage and leave the poor woman forsaken and alone emotionally and economically carrying the whole load!"
______________________________
She's also fortunate that she had the best healthcare money could buy--can you imagine being a working mom with those health issues topped with all the other worries that come with being a regular, everyday 99%er mom has to face. I'm a mom and Ann Romney doesn't speak for me with her two Cadillacs, Swiss bank accounts and unlimited undocumented nannies, lawn care, cleaning maids, etc!
Research continues to confirm that childcare remains the primary responsibility of women, not men, in most families. This is true regardless of employment status. In her February 8th Motherlode column, KJ Dell ’Antonia exposes that US Census Bureau counts fathers, but not mothers, as formal “childcare”. This places fathers in the same category as paid babysitters and day care centers. Dell ’Antonia also points out the humorous contradiction that “it shouldn’t be baby-sitting if daddy does it”?
So the intense reaction that we see as a result of Hilary Rosen’s comments reflects the feelings of a few stakeholders:
•Stay-at-home moms who are frustrated by working a full-time job (parenthood) without pay.
•Working moms who are exhausted from juggling primary parenthood and paid employment without sufficient support or credit.
•Select fathers who are not tethered by primary parenthood may feel just the slightest twinge of nervousness that their freedom will some day end.
In some ways, I am thrilled that this issue can create such a stir. But in more ways, I wish that we could better recognize the important and different roles that women adopt to get the job done, whatever that job may be. This embodies the primary dilemma www.primarydilemma.com.
I worked especially hard taking care of my kids. I daily washed 2 dozen cloth diapers by hand because I couldn't afford to replace a broken washer. Forget about pampers. My relief from this was the one day a week I went to the laundromat. I'll bet Anne Romney was never this challenged.
Did I say Reagan was president? Guess who I'm voting for again.