I will be honest I'm not afraid of death,
I have a belief, I have a spiritual connection
I know there is more than this.
I'm afraid of time.
The way the clock ticks,
taunting me every second --
I'm afraid I won't have enough of it.
I notice how quickly the hours in the day pass, and the weeks and the months, and years,
the sun sets, the sun rises.
I can't imagine a life without my parents,
they are a soul in me,
when they leave, I'm not sure if I'll ever be as bright as I was.
I don't fear not falling in love (again)
because I noticed I don't need anyone to live,
I don't fear a broken heart because I have had one --
dead and weightless -- I revived it myself.
I do fear isolation.
I fear the way I now look at people,
that I put a cage around my heart,
When eyes meet mine I look down,
that I create my own loneliness out of fear that I can't find what I thought I lost.
I fear people won't understand my soul.
I'm a cluster of starbursts and ancient moons -- that I'm too different, not ordinary enough -- and no one would want the sunflower in a bed of peonies.
I'm terrified that I keep these thoughts bottled up inside me, that I'm a life sentenced prisoner in my mind, of worries, 'what ifs' -- that this anxiety in my chest is going to eat at my heart taking away from the beauty of life in its truest form.
I fear that I have no purpose.
(yet everyone tells me differently)
I fear that no matter how hard I work I will be a failure to myself.
I fear that I won't feed my hunger,
the depths of my mind that I want to feed -
I want the meaning to know how to end suffering,
answers to the riddles of love and life
I don't just want a career - - I want a life.
To reflect at 80 years old and be proud of what I have left.
I fear the word "happiness" --
I fear people have taken away the true meaning..
happiness, happiness, happiness.
with the the amount of likes on a photo, the portrayal of what people think looks like happiness, a toned body, a vacation in bali, a mansion.
The preaching of how to be happy, to medicate, to mediate, to appreciate....
I fear people won't shut up and actually listen to what they are hiding.
Happiness is an internal journey,
love, sex, and people can add to that journey
but I see people have all of it- the "complete package"
money, fame, fortune, love,
and happiness is still missing.
I fear that I will not be able to unlock the depths of me,
I fear that no one is listening that I'm screaming in a crowded room,
i fear that no one truly cares,
i fear that i care too much, that i feel too much
i fear that my heart on my sleeve is suffering,
being bruised and picked at like a scab for the enjoyment of others --
I fear how the world is changing, and I don't know where I fit.
Yours until I heal,
A Constant (art) Work In Progress.
Originally posted on Medium
Demetra is a writer and poet her first book of Poetry: Love Letters In The Wall: Agapé Edition is coming soon.
___________________
If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of anxiety, please contact your doctor.
If you -- or someone you know -- need help, please call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of international resources.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.