The holidays can be the most wonderful time of the year for many people: good spirits, lots of parties, and fun times with family, friends and colleagues. Of course, our culture routinely celebrates the season with food and alcohol, and we are increasingly turning to other vices to relax, mellow out, and simply have more fun.
For many, the holidays are a time of stress and the pitfalls of overindulgence. Most of us are guilty of some overindulgence during this happiest of seasons. We may eat more than usual, drink more than usual or spend to excess. And while sometimes we can reign in our overindulgences, it doesn't mean we aren't affected by our friends, family and colleagues who don't.
There are typically three reasons why we overindulge and engage in habits we know are bad for us:
1. We don't want to feel bad and we want a quick fix.
We live in a culture that embraces doing whatever makes you feel good, doing so as quickly as possible, and even seeking ways to make you feel even better. Need a little pick-me-up? There's a pill/drink/food for that!
2. We're overwhelmed.
In our society of excess, we're expected to excel at work, home, sports, and just about everything we do -- we want to do it well! As a result, it's easy for us to become overwhelmed and frustrated.
3. Plain old habit.
We get started with things (eating, gambling, amphetamines, tanning, nicotine, etc.) and we keep doing them because they become a habit and make us feel good. The point is, we want to relieve stress or uncomfortable feelings, while increasing excitement or pleasure. Stimulating the pleasure center of the brain is very powerful!
But overindulgence does come with risks. So what can we do to cope?
If you don't want to overindulge:
The weeks between now and the end of the year are filled with so many parties and occasions where drinking, eating and spending in excess are the norm. It makes sense to decide ahead of time how much you want to indulge in each of these and to stick to that plan.
For spending: Make yourself a chart of who you will be buying for and what your budget is for each person. Then stick to that budget! We all want to get our family and friends great gifts but not at the expense of having more credit-card debt that assures we will be paying twice the cost of the original item in interest.
For drinking: Even if your drinking isn't too heavy, you still need to be on the lookout for how even modest drinking can effect decisions, ability to drive, etc. Volunteer to be the designated driver sometimes -- your friends, family and even your body will thank you. Keep in mind that if you don't typically indulge in more than a glass of wine or a beer in one evening, you will be even more impacted by an increase of just one to two additional drinks. That's because very light drinkers have no tolerance for more than just that -- a very light drinking experience.
For eating: Make a plan about what you are going to eat and share it with someone else at the party or gathering. Then help each other stick to your food "budget."
Do fun things. Make sure you enjoy this glorious season and have some fun! Make a list of things you would like to do and then pick one each week/weekend. You can find loads of fun things to do on any budget via the Internet. Just search using the term "free things to do." You'll be amazed at what comes up. For something specific in your neighborhood, search "free things to do" and your zip code. I just did and got over one million search results including free concerts, flea markets, Christmas markets and light shows!
Take up some form of physical activity. Hate exercise? Join the club, but studies show that exercise can help us have more energy, feel better about ourselves and reinforce healthy habits. Find something you like. You don't have to go to the gym -- your favorite exercise might be walking in the park, swimming or doing "dance moves" on the Wii! As long as you like it, you'll continue to do it.
Take time out to appreciate life. Remember you are a "human being" not a "human doing." Take the time to smell the roses -- literally. Read a daily recovery meditation or an inspirational each morning. Take a walk in the park or on the beach or just have a cup of tea. Next time you see a swing set, hop on and don't worry what anyone thinks.
If you are in recovery from an alcohol problem:
The holiday season can be a tough time for many people, but it can be especially difficult for people in early recovery. Between added downtime, frequent parties where alcohol is served, strained family relationships, and cases of the "holiday blues," there are a number of triggers that can prompt relapse during this time of year.
Although relapse can be a part of recovery, it doesn't have to be. Remember, if your loved one is in recovery, then cheering them on through a safe and sober holiday is the best gift you can give them.
If you are newly in recovery, it can feel like you are running on thin ice from Thanksgiving to January, but the holidays and the New Year also provide opportunities to share, heal and rebuild bonds with family and friends. The keys are staying committed, focusing on the positive, and being honest with yourself and your loved ones.
Here are some specific suggestions:
Plan ahead and rethink rituals. Remind your family beforehand about your need to stay drug- and alcohol-free. Toast with sparkling fruit juice or ginger ale instead of champagne and don't be shy about bringing your own non-alcoholic beverages.
Don't stay home and mope. If you're in recovery and have no holiday plans, spread the news. You'll be surprised at how many invitations you get. When I first got sober, I didn't want to miss important holiday parties -- even those that I knew would offer alcohol. But I would arrive late, leave early, and bring a sober friend with me for added support.
Be prepared for a quick exit. When I was in early recovery, I ended up stuck at a party for two hours longer than I wanted to be there -- I was dependent on others for a ride home. If you can't make a break for it, you may end up stranded in an uncomfortable situation. The buddy system works well here. Bring a friend in recovery and if possible, your own mode of transportation.
Lend a hand. At home, focus on being helpful in small ways instead of over-committing yourself. Help to decorate or do the dishes. Out in the community, healthy activities like volunteering not only add structure to your day, they are also feel-good ways of giving back.
Don't hide a relapse. If you make a mistake, don't pretend that nothing happened -- ask for help immediately and recommit yourself to your recovery.
And finally, if you do relapse:
Go easy on yourself. There's nothing worse than doing something you're not proud of, deciding to do better, and then continuing to beat yourself up for the mistake you made. Once you've decided to get healthier, stop criticizing yourself for all the things you were doing. Sure, you are going to feel guilty about the effects of some of your old behavior, that's understandable, but it's what you do about it now that counts. Nothing gets in the way of a healthy lifestyle quicker than continuing to torment yourself. If you need to make amends to someone for your bad behavior, do it, show them you've changed and then let it go!
Develop good habits. Remember to make small changes and develop new, better habits. Your old habits didn't pop up overnight, good habits take time to develop, too. Continually reinforce yourself for small successes to help all those new behaviors take root and they will become new, healthy habits.
Get additional treatment if needed. If you need help with other issues, get the treatment you need. Many people who use drugs and alcohol are trying to decrease symptoms from other problems such as depression, social anxiety, etc. If you need help with these problems, seek professional guidance and join support groups. No one quits using drugs or alcohol to be miserable, and you should never have to do it all by yourself.
And above all -- have a great holiday season!