I'll be chronicling my new life as I go through the divorce process and I hope you'll follow my journey. If you're looking for me to bash my ex, that won't happen. But if you're looking for a woman and mom excited for a new life, if you find it interesting to read about the roller coaster of emotions and all of the things that come with starting over... then join me here
If only I had listened to my mother, I would have always been interested and involved. I will never forget when my parents got divorced and my mom, who was totally involved in my parents' finances, gave very me clear advice: that no matter who I married, I needed to be on top of everything, including all the finances.
Every person, no matter what the situation, should know how much their rent is. Every person should know all the information about their mortgage including if they can get a better interest rate. Why are your credit bills the way they are? Do you know your spouse's salary? Are you contributing to a retirement fund? Do you have any investments? Are you saving money? How much is your son's soccer class? How much does the vacation you want to take cost? Why haven't you saved a dollar of your own salary?
I knew my relevant information when I was single but I couldn't answer any of those questions once I got married. I don't even know where the bills are. I don't even know how to log into our online accounts. I've rarely looked at our credit card bill. I tuned out any discussion that mattered.
All of this is no ones fault but my own. All of it bored me. I had no interest and I had a smart and organized husband so there was no need to waste my time and energy on things he could do.
So I never paid a bill. I never asked a question. I never looked at our bank account. I never inquired about our savings. I never showed an interest.
I never should have lived this way.
Now that I'm getting divorced, I finally realized it is time to become involved in my own life. It's time to be interested in my finances. So this week I started over. I applied for a new credit card. I transferred my newspaper subscriptions to my own name. I opened a new bank account. I set it up online. I started a new document with all of my bills, finances and responsibilities.
I will be involved in my life. I will organize my life the way I always should have.
I know I can do it. I've been doing it for three years for my start up business. I just wish I had done it for my start-up adult life. Then I wouldn't have to start fresh now. I've kept a spreadsheet of my business accounts. I've set up invoices, maintained all bookkeeping details and prepared our business's finances for tax purposes. In business I'm organized. I can handle it all. I just didn't want to do it in my personal life.
Clearly I can do it. It was just easier to have someone else handle what I didn't want to do.
Now I have to begin again, and I can't wait. I just wish I paid attention so I wouldn't have to play catch up now.
So if you are not going to listen to your mother, listen to me.
Follow Denise Albert on Twitter: www.twitter.com/themoms
My husband insisted on being in control of the finances, and since we were living well, I figured he was doing a good job. Then I started asking about finances and he refused to answer me or lied to me or got angry at me. Then the abuse started. After 30 years, I divorced him still knowing nothing about our finances. Seems he had spent his time very productively before the divorce. He hid all the money. He is a doctor....he liquidated all my retirement accounts, stocks and bonds, children's college money, and stopped paying mortgage, health insurance. The house short sold. I am now destitute, he is flying to Hawaii next week and taking the 2 adult kids with him for a week.
If I had only known.
Why? because of the children!! but i manage my money !
Why did you marry him?
"My husband left me and I don't know how to drive or write a check." (They managed to get to my office, though) Or, "My husband left me and I don't know how to pay the household bills and can't get a job because I have no preparation or experience." ( Lawdy!)
No one can cure these problems but the individual involved. There is only one response (but they never want to hear it) - learn to drive, learn to run a house and learn to write a check and balance a check book.
Women are not chattel nor are they stupid and can't learn how to stand on their own but some of them like to appear so.
And still, what saddens me even more than that is the realization is that nowhere in this article was the concept of teamwork. These were your family's finances, and you never once showed an interest. Now that your family has lost a member, they have become YOUR finances, and you suddenly care.
Why did you marry him?
i want to say but i don't he dummy i was just like you. my ex embezzled money out of a business account, stashed thousands of my pay. you got to get involed.
i did find all these things. the only reason she didn't go to jail is that she is the mother of my children.
How did the food, clothes, vacations, cars, gas, mortgage, insurance, lawn care, maintenance, electricity, and restaurants bills get paid? How would you know? "You didn't care." You know who does care? THOSE WHO COULD NOT AFFORD TO LIVE LIKE THEY DIDN'T CARE.
When you make blanket statements about all people who are incapable of working for whatever reason, that they are lazy, my goodness, don't you see how immature, narrow-minded and unable to think for yourself that makes you look?
Ideally, both partners are involved equally. However, it today's rapid-paced society and with our busy lives, it is often more practical to divide and conquer what needs to be done. Ultimately; however, each partner is responsible for ensuring his/her financial well-being.
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