I hated being pregnant. I didn't even try breastfeeding. I have struggled internally about how I feel about the fact that my kids climb into my bed at night. But after spending some time with Mayim Bialik at an event we hosted for bloggers to discuss her latest book, "Beyond The Sling", I have a whole new way of thinking.
If you've turned on the television in the past week you have probably seen Mayim discussing Attachment Parenting, the method by which she parents her children. You've heard that she co-sleeps, home-schools and breastfeeds until her kids are ready to stop.
We couldn't be more different. And truthfully, I was hesitant about hosting events for her. I was worried that my way would be judged. I was worried we would have nothing to talk about. She talks about breastfeeding and the Lansinoh bags she uses to store her milk. I wonder if it's OK to say I love their wipes. (I did!)
What a difference a few days make. After seeing her three days in a row, she confessed to me, and wrote on her blog, "TheMoms.com moderated my Barnes and Noble talk and also hosted a 30 person blogger conference yesterday at my publisher's office. When I originally heard about them, I was worried they were anti-attachment parenting people out to get me ... We have had some really neat conversations on and off camera and I am so impressed by what three women with different parenting philosophies and open minds can accomplish. We have broken down a lot of the judgmentalness [sic] and cattiness women are expected to have in discussing controversial differences in parenting, and it's been a real enlightening experience for us all."
That's an understatement. I left each conversation with Mayim wanting to learn more. There's something really appealing about what she says and how she says it all. She is intelligent and inspirational. She makes it seem so easy. She makes life seem perfect, although she is the first to admit she's not and neither are her kids.
Her kids have tantrums, just like ours. They want the same kids my kids want. My kids may come across as needy and spoiled when asking for things. Her similar experiences with her kids, although they are being raised so differently from mine, make all of the hard times we experience seem so much easier.
But the best part about Mayim is how she delivers what she has researched, learned and practices -- it's all done in a non-judgmental way. And that's the part that was most appealing.
She makes me want to do better. She makes me want to try new ways to discipline. She made me realize that I don't mind if my kids climb into my bed. So instead of struggling with it, I'm going to embrace it. But I still wouldn't breast feed. No judgment here, it's just not for me.
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For example, not wanting to breastfeed? It is proven that breastfeeding is healthier for a baby unless they are allergic to the breast milk. Not breastfeeding is ignorant unless for some reason the baby cannot latch on or the mother isn't producing enough milk, and that choice isn't really a choice.
I also get angry when I see bad behavior being commended. For example, in one day I saw: two teenagers ride their bikes in front of my car without looking. I thought I ran one of them over, but he was just fine and swerved and continued on, and his friend was laughing hysterically. Apparently friends getting run over is funny. Later that evening I got to watch a toddler throw a tantrum, while his mom kept prodding his bad behavior, even allowing him to HEAD BUTT her at least 4 times in the grocery store bank line. She laughed and tickled him, still trying goad him on and get more attention.
I am tired of people thinking they can do whatever they want, and that's ok, without thinking what allowances they're giving their kids and teaching them such bad behaviors. These children grow up to be unruly teenagers and eventually disrespectful men and women, who will eventually disrespect their teachers, the law, and their spouses. I watch it all the time, and it ticks me off to no end.
Until I found out she'd cut her babies, I would have said the same thing. Now I can't take her message to heart, knowing that she did one of the most anti-AP things a parent could ever do to their child. :-/
I don't buy into the whole religion as an excuse to inflict forced genital cutting on babies, and neither do these, Jews, fortunately:
http://jewsagainstcircumcision.org/
http://www.jewishcircumcision.org/spectator.htm
I wish I could have been there to hear Mayim speak-I love hearing about all different types of parrenting. In the end we can all learn from each other-and we are all good moms-we all want happy and healthy children!
That pervades ANY parenting discussions? It didn't seem to have pervaded Mayim's presentation and I think that was the whole premise of this article. We certainly can and should pick the philosophies that work best for your particular family situation. I've heard many moms talk about the mythical judgement people calling others bad parents but I've yet to actually see anyone call anyone else a bad parent (except in cases of rampant abuse or neglect). Can you provide an example of discussions where someone ACTUALLY called someone else a bad parent?
Check it out at: www.themommypsychologist.com.
“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.”
Yes, I did read the book.