I've been teaching cooking and entertaining classes for the last 25 years. You might say I was born into an entertaining family. No, they didn't dance, sing or tell jokes, but everybody cooked, drank wine, laughed out loud, ate what they wanted and always shared dessert. You must share dessert, it is a commandment and like any commandment, it only makes you more naughty.
Almost any meal with my family became an instant party; we simply added guests. Sure, our guests were like layering silly on top of crazy, but it did prepare me for the 10,000 celebrity laden parties I've catered in my career. And yet, it hasn't been enough.
I still get excited to plan a menu and throw a party at my own house. I do worry that my unnatural excitement shows a lack of intelligence or that I'm just plain stupid, but it's truly too late to ponder now. I cannot help myself.
With the holidays just around corner, I'm gettin' me some colored cocktail napkins, fancy toothpicks, a pound of shrimp, and praisin' the stars because you see a party is plain old fun for this lady, and a host who has fun is highly contagious.
I know not everyone feels like me. Most people are afraid to entertain. They even say they hate it! What?! This is like finding out that people don't believe in Santa Claus or don't prefer the original pattern of Louis Vuitton. When the beautifully groomed young women in my cooking class last week raised her hand and said, "How do you give a party without killing yourself or your husband?" I thought, she really needs my help. My authentic self can help her. Ohm.
Ten-Step Program for Enjoyable Entertaining:
1. Remember how embarrassing and also sweet it was for Martha Stewart to get out of jail wearing that poncho? Tell your guests to "dress comfortably" on the invitation and you do the same. If you like costumes, wear one (just not that special one...you know what I'm talking about).
2. Real friends and non-toxic family do not care what your home looks like. They came for the wine or the eggnog. Put a dimmer switch on all the lights, place them on lowest setting, and make sure not to vacuum or dust before your party. Take a nap and be rested. A clean house and a cranky host do not a party make.
3. Serve food you like to cook. If your specialty is Parmesan popcorn, get some big bowls and keep it coming. Drizzle the popcorn with Truffle oil. Serve it on your best china. Your friends will be amazed at your creativity and your gravitas. Whatever you serve, make it special, even when it's simple.
4. Forgive your spouse or partner when they only had one job (buying the ice), and they manage to screw it up (bought one three-pound bag). Be the bigger person until tomorrow, and then never, ever, let them forget their mistake. This will give you every reason to keep them alive.
5. Mix up the guests. Make them wear name tags on their backs -- your less brilliant friends will think it's a party game. Crank up the music so it's hard to talk; this will make them drink more and thus make the party more entertaining.
6. Choose to enjoy yourself. Ask yourself what you wanted out of this party: To be a queen, a maid or a hostess? No victims allowed. Try being gracious. Good manners shine longer much longer than polished silver.
7. Introduce everyone to someone else at the party. You are a honey bee, spreading pollen. Honey bees are endangered you know. Our society desperately needs them.
8. Treat yourself with kindness, not contempt. Eat at your own party, even if it's a turkey sandwich before your guests arrive. Don't get too busy and forget to care for yourself.
9. Plan the hours of your party and put it on the invitation. Two hours is a lot for anyone to be charming. Make it short and sweet.
10. Remember the best parties you've been to, and honor your past by enjoying and sharing fun moments. Entertain from the heart.
One of my assistants told me that her favorite hostess is a woman who house is covered in dog hair. It is clear that personal cleanliness is not on her radar, but she absolutely loves her friends and her gatherings are always spontaneous and full of genuinely nice people. While my assistant makes sure she never eats sources of protein at these parties, she knows the night will be fabulous. Enough said.
Denise Vivaldo is the author of The Entertaining Encyclopedia. Robert Rose Publishing. Available at Amazon.com.