Huffpost Media
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Dennis Perrin Headshot

Take Up The Wright Man's Burden

Posted: Updated:

"Reverend Wright -- may I call you J-Wry?"

"If you wish. But why that?"

"It's looser, more casual. Puts people at ease."

"I see."

"And trust me, J, you of all people must put others at ease."

"Like who?"

"You know, those Senator Obama needs to win the presidency."

"Ah. I'm beginning to grasp your tone, as it were."

"Good! Awesome! Because frankly, J-Wry, this public speaking thing, it's not helping our cause."

"Really. And what cause would that be?"

"Hello? President Obama? Retaking America? Healing divisions? Putting the Democrats back in power? Sound familiar?"

"Look, son, I have a right to speak my mind."

"Of course you do! Wouldn't have it any other way! It's just that -- I mean, the whole AIDS conspiracy thing. You don't seriously believe that our government would invent or unleash such a devastating disease on the African-American community, do you?"

"I believe our government is capable of anything."

"I feel ya, J. I do. Fight the power and all that. Still, saying the government had something to do with AIDS . . . I dunno. Sounds crazy."

"Crazier than when the government allowed hundreds of black sharecroppers to suffer and die from syphilis, lying to their faces, using them as lab rats?"

"Ancient history, Rev. Gotta be more 2008. We're talking youth vote here."

"Well, then -- crazier than when Jerry Falwell said that God sent AIDS to punish America?"

"Whoa! That's totally different. A lot of Americans believe that God would do something like that. And maybe the big guy would, for all I know. But God isn't running for president. Your friend is, and to say that the government he'll lead would commit such a horrendous act, well, it makes us look bad for backing him."

"Us? You mean, white liberals?"

"If you wanna get racial, yes."

"So you and yours find me an embarrassment? A hindrance to brother Barack's campaign?"

"It's nothing personal. We simply have enough trouble proving our patriotism without you yapping about American 'terrorism' and 'genocide.' Yeah, America's done a few bad things, but sometimes good intentions fall short. At heart, I think we're a pretty moral country."

"I must take issue with that."

"And you're free to do so, Big J. But if you can keep it to yourself, or better yet, just shut up altogether, we'd really appreciate it."

"I will bear witness to the wickedness around me. I answer only to God."

"Yeah? Well, answer to this!"

[SLAPS WRIGHT'S LAPELS AND ARMS WITH FLACCID SWINGS]

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm taking you down! The campaign's too important!"

"Son, I'm an ex-Marine. I'll whip your ass if you don't stop!"

"Ah ha! I knew it! A violent black racist! An egomaniac! Wait till I blog about this!"