Courtesy of Netflix
Where did we leave off, gentle reader?
Ah, yes. I was asking for assistance finding representation. That still stands.
I was having some issue with some wing-wang with a fake name biting my flow. That also still stands, but now I can't hear them from behind the block button.
I went out for an in-office position I really wanted at a Medium publication. Didn't get that. Didn't really expect to get it, tbh.
So what's different? Where did I go?
I know that is a real question you ask yourself. In the dead of night you wake up in a puddle of sweat and warm Diet Coke and you know, you just know, something is terribly wrong.
The kids are in bed safe and sound.
Your partner is still asleep next to you, lovingly dutch-ovening you.
The dog is curled up at the foot of the bed.
Devon hasn't written any try-hard diatribes about transplants and public transit. No masturbatory odes to Los Angeles. No wanna-be-cool-girl essays about pooping in men's apartments.
She hasn't written a single. Fricka-fracking. Thing.
And I don't really have an excuse. I mean, my laptop was broken for a bit and going without it felt like walking around all day with just one pant leg on, but still. What was my excuse? How did I got from being so extra all the time to not being at all?
The truth is, guys, I tried to be an adult. I think I succeeded, maybe?
I got a job. I'm still not sure how.
My boyfriend and I moved in together. (Like no joke, they let me sign a lease and everything. Like I'm some sort of grown-up.) We have an in-unit washer/dryer. We are legitimately excited about the in-unit washer/dryer.
I had some medical procedures that I got using my INSURANCE that they gave me at my JOB like I'm some sort of ADULT.
Like honestly, when are these mortgage-having, lemon-chicken-in-a-tupperware-eating, over-thirties going to realize I'm really just three kids in a trench coat? Surely they must know. I gave myself a full sleeve of dinosaur temporary tattoos at the company picnic.
I wore a shirt to work today that I bought in the little boy's section of Target.
Honestly, I'm just riding this out until someone discovers my Netflix queue and relegates me back to the kids' table of life. I have imposter syndrome of adulthood. I emailed AAA about renter's insurance, sure, but I also took a "bathroom break" to play Pokémon GO.
I am terrible at this and waking up at 5 a.m. is honestly such a foreign concept to me that every time my alarm goes off I think my boyfriend is pranking me.
But also I'm enjoying it.
And I'm going to keep enjoying it.
Maybe for like one more week.
Then the night-sweats I get about "wasting my art" and "my screenwriter ex being right about my writing abilites" anxiety nightmares will probably become unbearable.
But for now, it's a blast. Maybe. I like the "living with my boyfriend" thing but I'm really cooling on the whole "waking up early" and "people caring about office gossip as if that's a real thing to care about."
Oh ,also I had a very scary interaction with an overzealous reader a few weeks back but that's another story for another day.
But anyway, it's past my bedtime.
A version of this post originally appeared on Medium.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.