THE BLOG

Star Wars, Starbucks and the Lesson That Changed My Life

03/05/2015 05:46 pm ET | Updated May 05, 2015
Quibe

Image credit: Quibe

I grew up with a brother. Therefore, I am well-versed in all things Star Wars. I can remember building with my brother in our playroom for hours -- wooden blocks to house The Millenium Falcon, Dominoes surrounding The Death Star for good measure and the Ewok village behind Mom's spider plants, equipped with a net to catch Han, Chewie and Luke. Always, I, as Leia, would recite lines from the movie -- pleading for help, of course. My best friend (Jen) also grew up with a brother and also shares this love of Star Wars.

Cut to Jen and I very seriously talking at Starbucks about a particular scene from the movie where Luke Skywalker watches the holographic display. What does Luke see on this holograph projected by R2-D2? Oh, I will gladly tell you! He sees a very secretive Princess Leia -- in disguise -- pleading, Obi-Wan image Quibe
"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

And this plea is what I believe to be one of our greatest human flaws.

With my one-pump-vanilla-latté-no-foam in hand, I say to Jen, "Being like Leia sucks, because if you only have one hope in life and are attached to one solution, you're screwed."

She laughs.

"No, I am serious! All eggs in one basket is the worst way to live your life." Of course, I go on to list all my "eggs in one basket" moments of destruction:

  • The agent who was going to be the only person to further my career.
  • The man I thought was the only man who would ever love me in that way.
  • The apartment I coveted (on which I was outbid) that I swore was the only place I could make a home.

These "only hopes" were ingrained into my brain as a 7-year-old in our playroom in
New Jersey.

"Help me, you're my only hope." And just like that, I believed it to be true.

Princess Leah image Quibe

Image credit: Quibe

As I left my conversation with Jen, I realized that I really am a J. I .T. (Jedi-in-training). I pride myself on it, actually. There are many skills necessary to be a Jedi but, perhaps, the most important are the following things:

  • When Obi-Wan Kenobi is your only hope, you are headed to the Dark Side. Translation for non-Star Wars folks: Putting all your eggs in one basket is dangerous. It is our worries and fears that cause us to create Obi-Wans. Now I am not saying, "Have no hope." Hope is essential in creating what we desire. We need hope, y'all. I am talking about living a jaded life, always waiting for the shoe to drop, dress rehearsing disaster, etc. All these things happen when we are making something our only hope.
  • Trust the Force. This means believe in yourself, no matter what the hell happens. I often have clients ask me if I am religious. How do you feel about psychics, astrologers, coincidences, etc? Listen, if it allows you to trust more, let go of control, release attachment, and calm the crazy, then I am in! Your force is whatever you make it to be.

It can be easy to trust when everything is going your way, but what do you grab onto when it everything falls apart? Remember to trust and then take action. Cultivating resilience in the face of adversity is something a Jedi does quite well, and I am all about it.

Be psyched! Want what you want. Be honest with yourself that you want it.

Desire openly.

Want the relationship to work out, a job to be the right one, that property you looked at to be your dream house, but don't make your happiness depend on it. It simply cannot be the only outcome that will bring you joy or you risk heading for The Death Star. For real.

Trust knowing that it's either this or something better. I know Yoda would agree.