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If He Brings The Chocolate Body Frosting, Is Dessert On Me?

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How's that for a ridiculous headline? Hang on... I'll stoop even lower. I'll share (nearly) everything I know about body frosting.

Because I lost a bet? Nope, I was put up to this by a HuffPost colleague in an orange hoodie, while we were idly chatting on a street corner in the Dupont Circle neighborhood of Washington D.C. I can't recall the guy's name because I was struck dumb when he turned to me and said, "Blog your secret passion!"

Which brings us back to body frosting. Chocolate is the most popular flavor, although gourmets prefer Midnight Mocha, Expresso Dream, Wild Cherry Chocolate, and Red Raspberry Chocolate. A group of fun-loving people agreed to taste-test all the different brands -- you can read their saucy comments here. My insider's tip? Buy a tiny, soft-bristled paint brush for a mix of art and passion, and then simply follow the instructions on the jar:

Directions: Light a candle. Undress completely. Apply body frosting. Be creative. Use a little on special places. Or use a lot. It all depends on the appetite of your guest. Serve warm. Your guest may enjoy helping with preparations.

What if you're not in a long-term relationship? Does schlepping a 10 oz. jar of body frosting on a date make you look a little, well, slutty? Try Quickies -- condom-sized packets of chocolate you can discreetly tuck in a purse, a pocket, or inside a Valentine's Day card.

On the other hand, what if Valentine's Day arrives on the heels of a bad break-up? Chocoholics offers a fat-free, dark chocolate voodoo doll for just $8.60 that's a steal compared to the cost of therapy.

Of course there is a larger issue here: is a good frosting what women really want? Two weeks ago, the New York Times Magazine announced that what women really want is to be the object of desire. (The Times article was written by a man. Shocked? Me, neither.) I'm happy to report that in rapid-fire succession my colleagues at Salon, Pandagon, Feministing, and Feministe told the New York Times that what women really want is less condescending articles about what women want.

Ultimately the [Times] piece raises more questions than it answers and reveals just how little we know -- and, perhaps, will ever know -- about such a complex interaction between the body and the brain.

-- Tracy Clark-Flory, Salon.com

In my 'hood, you can purchase body frosting at ACKC on 14th Street in Logan Circle. ACKC is the kind of cozy little boutique -- with requisite red walls -- where you'd expect to find a sexy product. But for me, the big shocker was discovering body frosting at the corner Rite-Aid drug store on Connecticut Avenue. Who knew mainstream America was so sensual?

"We introduced chocolate body frosting in 1999 and it took off immediately. Today it's one of our most popular sensual items," Chocoholics marketing manager Shannon Fuson told Huffington Post. "I think it's popular because chocolate is safe and familiar. Americans want to be sensual without being embarrassed. This is a sweet and classy way to be just a little bit naughty."

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.