THE BLOG

Masturbation and Gay Sex Cause Swine Flu, Apparently

Swine flu infections are on the rise in Asia, particularly in India, Thailand, and Vietnam, according to the World Health Organization. But only Malaysia, where 2,252 cases and 38 deaths have been reported since May, has proposed a radical preventative solution: stop masturbating and having gay sex.

These activities apparently make one's body heat up, become "hyperacidised," and thus more susceptible to the H1N1 virus, reported Bernama, the Malaysian government's national news agency.

But get this: "normal sexual union" is perfectly safe! Hurrah! Score another one for heteros!!!

The Malaysian government then went on to state that it also believed the world is flat, gravity does not exist, and unicorns are very, very real.

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