02/09/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Rep. John Conyers: Is There Another Doctor in the House?

Congressman John Conyers (D-Mich.) has written a letter to his Democratic colleagues in the Hizzle, asking them to oppose Dr. Sanjay Gupta's nomination for Surgeon General. In the letter, Rep. Conyers wrote that he has "serious concerns" about Gupta's "requisite experience" and "medical background," calling the nomination something that is "not in the best interests of the nation."

We've already admitted that we don't know much about the Office of the Surgeon General. But after a thorough review of Dr. Gupta's qualifications (young, handsome, full head of hair, blinding white teeth, Asian) the other day, we feel pretty durn good about Obama's choice. So where is this hateration coming from, Representative Conyers?

"Sit your pretty ass down, Gupta!"
Our hunch? Jealousy. Because unlike Dr. Sanjay Gupta, John Conyers...
  1. Is not young (and at 79, is about twice Gupta's age)
  2. Does not have a full head of hair
  3. Actually remembers Richard Nixon's presidency
  4. Went to Wayne State and envies Gupta, a fellow Michigan native who went to the University of Michigan, because, c'mon, who wouldn't rather be a Division I, Wolverine Football fan?
  5. Does not share the same name with a famous Bollywood director
  6. Has a creepy mustache
  7. Could not be played by Kal Penn in his biopic
  8. Does not hang out with celebutards like Lucy Liu and Matthew McConaughey
  9. Has never made People's Sexiest Men Alive issue
  10. Has never been in close enough proximity to Anderson Cooper to quaff the CNN anchor's beguiling man-musk
Just a theory!

To read Rep. Conyers's letter in its entirety, click here.