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What's the Difference Between Miss Universe Japan's Garter Belt and a Bikini?

Posted: 07/31/2009 10:25 pm

That's Emiri Miyasaka (Miss Universe Japan) below, in a brand-spankin'-new national costume, which she will apparently be wearing to the big galactic competition on August 23 of this year.













Perhaps on first glance (if you didn't just splooge yourself) you reacted as I did: "Ugh. God. Awful."

Or like the handful of angry readers that posted comments documented by Itai News (highlighted by Japan Probe, from whom we're borrowing translation) -- which accused her of mocking her home culture, then labeled her as "a national disgrace," "perverted," and a "stupid person" wearing a "stupidly designed costume."

Leave it to my trusty partner-in-crime, Jen, to approach the outfit slightly more thoughtfully: "Yeah, it's really pervy, but we are talking a beauty pageant" -- an event where coating one's teeth with Vaseline, shoving one's tits up their chin with tape, and spouting ignorant drivel from the stage are all kosher, if not recommended. Jen also ventured that the outfit might even be evidence of progress: maybe the Miss Universe Japan people are boldly stepping ahead of the curve, finally recognizing that the world kinda views the Japanese as pretty... pervy, and they're beating everyone to the punch. How forward-thinking of them!

After all, what's the real disgrace here? That she's wearing lingerie?

Hell, we've seen Rachael Ray in skivvies before, for crying out loud. Total NBD (no big deal). Conservative Middle America still loves the woman. I could take her or leave her, but that's hardly the point.

That turkey might think Ray is a disgrace, but he's probably the only one.

And if we're talking about being scantily clad, let's not forget that Miyasaka will be obliged to trot around in an itty-bitty two piece for the competition, as will all of her competitors. I mean, check out the evening's performers, for crying out loud:

Nothin' but class in this act

By comparison, Miss Universe Japan looks covered up and downright bookish!

At the end of the day, regardless of its cosmic reach, we are in fact talking about a BEAUTY PAGEANT, not a post-doctoral graduation ceremony. Others may disagree, but in my eyes, this pageant is about as legit and respectable and culturally relevant as Star Magazine (perhaps less so). It's a boiling cauldron of disgrace. It's a disgrace diet shake.

Final thoughts: One thing I really, really, really, truly-ooly respect is Miyasaka's hot legs. They're awesome. Gotta give respeck where it's due, y'know?

Diana is co-author of DISGRASIAN.com.

 

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