Dear Mr. Cowell,
I recently learned that you believe your home contains negative energy, and that you invited a "house healer" to banish the foul feelings from your Los Angeles residence. Our organization, the James Randi Educational Foundation, is not only your neighbor down the road in Hollywood, but also the nation's leading organization advancing critical thinking about the supernatural and the paranormal. We are familiar with many cases of house "hauntings," "possession," and "negative energy," although in our experience, every one of these cases turns out to have a natural -- rather than a supernatural -- explanation. In fact, we have for the past sixteen years offered a One Million Dollar Prize to anyone who can scientifically demonstrate any paranormal phenomenon or ability, such as communication with ghosts or spirits. Proving that your house has any supernatural "energy," positive or negative, could certainly qualify, since houses are generally thought to be inanimate.
Many people seek the help of feng shui practitioners, house healers, Spiritualists, psychics, mediums, and others, because they have experienced a sense of foreboding or just plain creepiness in their houses. We understand that no one would want to feel this way in their own home. Yet, scientific and skeptical analysis always yields the same results: ghostly noises coming from things like old pipes, "footsteps" caused by creaky floorboards and foundations settling, and in some cases, even feelings of dread produced by carbon monoxide leaks. Unfortunately, false fixes like house healers often only prolong the problem by keeping the resident from seeking a real solution.
If you or your house healer can demonstrate, under mutually agreed upon scientific conditions, that your home has negative energy which can be supernaturally healed, the James Randi Educational Foundation will happily award you our One Million Dollar Prize. Or, we could send your winnings directly to the charity of your choice. Perhaps Children's Hospices UK, or one of the animal rescue charities of which you are fond?
Surely you can give us a few hours to investigate your creepy crib, for a chance at a spare million. You wouldn't want that missed opportunity to haunt you, would you? I look forward to your response.
President, James Randi Educational Foundation