Homosexuals of the United States (HOTUS):
Minutes of the Gay Agenda 2012 Planning Meeting
(TOP SECRET! Do NOT leak to mainstream America)
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In attendance: 3,136,921 adult U.S. homosexuals
In absentia: Clay Aiken, who is nursing laryngitis
Meeting called to order by President Gaga at 2:07 p.m.
Summaries of committee reports:
- From the Recruitment Committee: We are facing an uphill battle. The world's population has reached 7 billion. This means that we will have to work hard to not only maintain our strength at 10 percent of the population, but each current member will have to recruit at least three new members to reach our target goal of 11 percent in 2012. (Remember our long-range plan: 16 percent by '16!)
A dinner break was taken from 5:13 to 6:17 p.m. (Note: next year, we should not have our food provided by Chick-fil-A or Godfather's Pizza. Although delicious, these choices were not favored by many members this year.)
After dinner, an orgy was held in the bathroom. The purpose of this year's orgy was twofold:
- To teach members the latest deviant sexual practices for 2012.
Breakout sessions/workshops were held in order to maintain our dominance in the following areas in 2012:
- Interior design / flower arrangement
Before ending the meeting, special recognition and thank-yous were given to the following for their continued work in helping HOTUS with the degradation of America: Dancing with the Stars, Grindr, the state of New York, Bravo television, the cute Mr. Spock guy, vodka, and, of course, Kathy Griffin.
Upon finalization from the executive committee, leather-bound copies of Gay Agenda 2012 will be sent to all members in late December for implementation in the new year. Any member who has not received a copy by Jan. 1, please call 1-800-GAGENDA.
Meeting was adjourned at 7:58 p.m., just in time to watch Glee.
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