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The 'Hidden Gay Agenda' Movie Test

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FROZEN DISNEY KEVIN SWANSON
ASSOCIATED PRESS
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There has been much speculation of late from conservative Christian commentators about a "hidden homosexual agenda" in the animated Disney film Frozen. The theories go something like this: In Frozen, one of the characters has a hidden power that she tries to suppress, but ultimately she learns to accept it. This is a metaphor for the homosexual agenda, the conservative theorists theorize, because initially her power (her secret quality) is hidden from the rest of the world, but eventually she learns to accept this part of herself, and she "comes out," so to speak.

These theories were quickly lambasted by critics as ridiculous and far-fetched. But let's not be too hasty. If we take the theories seriously, there may be some value in them. If we apply the same reasoning to other films, we may discover that Hollywood has been pushing a secret gay agenda for decades.

I have developed a "hidden gay agenda" movie test using the logic of the conservatives who are criticizing Frozen. Applied to any number of movie classics, this test proves to be enlightening.

The test is simple. There must be three elements in a film for it to have a hidden gay agenda:

1. The main character possesses a quality that is different from everyone else, and...

2. ...the quality is hidden or suppressed until...

3. ...the quality is accepted and/or celebrated.

Let's put some films through the test to determine whether or not they contain a hidden gay agenda!

The Wizard of Oz

1. Dorothy has special powers in her ruby-red slippers, and...

2. ...those powers remain hidden until...

3. ...she embraces their ability to take her home.

Result: This is a no-brainer. The Wizard of Oz has a huge hidden gay agenda. Duh. The message is: "There's no place like gay."

The Ten Commandments

1. Moses is a Jew who is raised as an Egyptian prince, and...

2. ...his Jewishness is hidden for years, until...

3. ...he accepts who he is and leads all the Jews out of Egypt.

Result: Strong hidden gay agenda. The half-naked, oiled-up men in skirts put this one over the top. It is a wonder that Christian conservatives allow their children to read the Bible with the presence of this strong gay undercurrent.

The Sound of Music

1. Maria is a nun who harbors a secret love for Captain Von Trapp, and...

2. ...her love remains suppressed during hours and hours of singing, until...

3. ...she learns to "climb ev'ry mountain." She returns to embrace her love. A huge celebratory wedding ensues.

Result: Hidden gay agenda. Admittedly, Maria and Captain Von Trapp are heterosexual, but there are tons of subtle gay messages throughout. The lonely goatherd is probably gay. Lyrics like "raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens" are pretty darn gay. And Rolfe? He wears lederhosen and rejects Liesl. C'mon.

Star Wars

1. Luke Skywalker discovers that he is a descendant of a great Jedi, and...

2. ...his connection with the Force remains largely untapped until...

3. ...he embraces the Force and destroys the Death Star.

Result: As Yoda would say, strong the hidden gay agenda is. Luke's embrace of the Force evens earns him a medal from Princess Leia.

Carrie

1. Carrie is telekinetic, and...

2. ...she tries to suppress her telekinesis, until...

3. ...her classmates drop a bucket of blood on her at the prom. Then she fully embraces her powers, lets loose and maims or kills just about everybody in her path.

Result: Terrifyingly full of a gay agenda. How do straight people even watch this movie? When Carrie unleashes her powers, the results are violent and turn out horribly for the normal (straight) people. Perhaps it is palatable to heterosexual audiences because -- SPOILER ALERT! -- Carrie ends up dead. Or does she?

Brokeback Mountain

1. The main character, Ennis, is gay in a seriously heterosexual environment, and...

2. ...he keeps his homosexuality a secret, until...

3. ...well, actually, he never accepts or celebrates his homosexuality.

Result: Since condition 3 is not met, there is no hidden gay agenda in this film. It has an overt gay agenda and does not require a hidden one.

The Harry Potter movies

1. Harry Potter discovers that he is the child of a wizarding family, and...

2. ...his connection with his wizard powers remain largely untapped until...

3. ...he learns to use his powers and destroys Voldemort.

Result: Wait, isn't this the same plot as Star Wars? Whether it is or not, it is gay, gay, gay.

Some of these films are favorites of mine. I have seen them multiple times. No wonder I ended up gay. Hollywood's hidden homosexual agenda is working!

Take the test with your favorite films. What other movies have a hidden gay agenda?