Republicans Demand Equal Access to Schoolchildren

Amid the uproar over President Obama's grand scheme to use subliminal brainwashing to mesmerize and indoctrinate America's schoolchildren into his cult of personality, Republicans today demanded equal access to young minds so they could counterbalance the president's dangerous message.

The RNC gained an advance copy of President Obama's speech, in which he will urge students to work hard at school, do their homework, stay in school through graduation, and set goals for their work and their lives.

"We can't allow him to advance this insidious, socialist agenda," said a Republican House Member from Minnesota speaking to this reporter through thick glass and a peep hole from her asylum. She asked to remain nameless and added that House Minority Leader John Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell are wrapped in an epic battle to be the messenger.

"We Republicans will make our stand in opposition to this Kenyan-born/illegal-alien/Manchurian-Candidate and save America's most precious resource," said the representative, holding her slit wrists together.

"The Republican message, of course, is to tell kids to not work hard, don't do your homework, don't stay in school, and don't set goals.

"Only then can we expect a new generation of Republican voters."

Comments

[Freestyler]

I think the Republicans are using your talking points! Right on, Don, and too close to the truth.

[Tamar Abrams - Huffpost Blogger]

Don, this is very funny! If only the subject you're satirizing weren't so insane to begin with. I recall on 9/11 that President George W. Bush was attempting to read a book to schoolchildren. Not much outcry about that...at least until he was informed of the attacks on the World Trade Center and got that deer in the headlights look going. The biggest lesson many of our schoolchildren will have tomorrow -- gained from their parents and TV pundits -- is to be suspicious of anything the president says. Not sure where that gets us!

[Don Parker - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks. And yes, Reagan, George H. W., and George W. also spoke to schoolchidren. HW even asked specifically for children to write about how they could further the White House goals.

Obama should urge all Republicans to vote in the next election. And the radioheads and party chairs, et al. would yell that he's a socialist and that no one should vote.