Help! My Daughter's a Vegan

Am I supposed to be happy about this?  For the first time as a parent, I find myself almost getting into fights about food.

I know it pushes my buttons, because it seems dogmatic and obsessive.  I hate thinking about food too much; I love to eat but I have no interest in spending too much time figuring out what to eat. (Obviously a reaction from my obsessive, dieting dancer days!)

As for teaching my kids healthy eating habits, I have focused on helping them eat a range of foods; knowing how to make sure they get the main food groups, and not to deprive themselves too much.  Things have always been fairly loose, and I trust them to figure out what they need.  They have always been pretty reasonable and we have never fought about food.

 Being fairly politic, my kids,  like many others, have played with variations of vegetarianism.  First the middle daughter went whole hog and now eats everything.   Then the oldest cut out red meat but would eat chicken and fish.  The youngest, well, she seemed to do a morph of the two.  Me?  I am a meat-a-tarian; nothing stands between me and my T-Bone.

After returning from our time in Africa, my oldest daughter took her vegetarianism a step further.  Now admittedly, it is not easy being veggie in Africa where you have game with each and every meal.  I call it “My Month of Meat”.  But after reading about how our food gets to us, not just the meat, but the dairy and how the animals are treated, she had had it.

I had to listen of course, and try to limit my own comments, as they triggered more militant and dogmatic statements.  Until now, I have had a bit of the “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell” attitude toward food production and distribution.  I know I am sticking my head in the sand, but hey, I can’t handle that much anxiety and pressure to think about what not to eat.  Okay, after the last New York Times article about the dancer getting paralyzed from eating a hamburger, I did think twice before ordering one from the Shake Shack.  I prayed that I could get away with eating this last burger, and damn, it was good!

 But my kids are pulling me kicking and screaming (figuratively, not literally), because they do have a point.  Our food production has gotten whacked.  More importantly though, in parenting, I realize that I need to take my own personal and professional attitudes, and to a degree, put them aside.  This needs to be about my kids and what they are saying they need.

So with some protest, and pushing her to make sure she is getting adequate nutrition and taking enough responsibility to eat properly, I have had to go against the fact that I hate that she is doing this, and support her.  It is getting easier.  The more I see she eats healthy, the more I trust that she will be okay. 

Maybe it will just be a stage.  But for now, I am adapting.  I am learning how to make different kinds of dinners, and she is cooking up a storm.

 Then I slip in the T-Bone.  Gotta have my meat.

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Comments

[vegangrrl]

Donna, thanks for sharing your experience about adapting to your daughter's veganism. I can understand how that must be strange to a parent who didn't raise their kids on a vegan or vegetarian diet. I applaud your progress thus far and encourage you to keep the dialogue open. With more people aware of how industrial agriculture is harming us all, we can build a world where we'll hear parents exclaiming, "Help! My Daughter Eats Meat!" It would be a more ecologically sound world with less cruelty.

And I know you're concerned about her nutrition as well. The vegan diet is a healthy one and your point about "adequate nutrition" should be something that meat eaters seek for themselves as well. With meat linked to heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and others, it's about time meat eaters think about ways to get proper nutrition too.

[EcoChef Love]

Donna, instead of hating your daughter's veganism, you should be proud that you are raising a compassionate Human(e) Being. Did you know that studies show that the higher a person's IQ, the more likely they are to be Vegan/Vegetarian by age 30? Is the health of Mother Earth less important to you than pleasing your desire for meat and dairy? Did you know that both meat and dairy are addictive? Then read the United Nations report Livestock's Long Shadow. Go see the movie Food Inc. Your daughter is smart, compassionate and an EcoHero for Mother Earth. This is indeed a case where the parent can learn a lot from the child. I start my blog Mama Earth Rocks to help make the transition to an EcoFriendly diet easy. Here's hoping that you too join the ranks of the ever growing population of Vegan EcoHeroes. Finally, as the great Master Chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten told me last weekend, “Veganism/­Vegetarian­ism is NOT a trend. It is here to stay.”

[goodtofu]

I don't think I've ever heard of a malnourished vegan who ate enough calories. Certainly not the mainstream vegan experience, and not a concern of any doctor I've talked with. Health and nutrition are actually solid arguments in favor of being vegan; we do live longer, after all.

[wconnealy]

Hi Donna,
I was raised on a farm and have eaten meat my whole life. I just recently became a Vegan and I can tell you - I feel so much healthier. Really, when you read about all the terrible things in food these days you may want to switch too. You should read (but I would not recommend it for your daughter - probably inappropriate) "Skinny B***h" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. They write in a simple, easy to read format about all the terrible things that you shouldn't be eating. It's also enormously entertaining, but again probably not appropriate reading for a child.

[veganintheUK]

Donna, I read your blog with great interest as I am a vegan with a disapproving Mother. I'm 28 years old and enjoy a varied, healthy & fun diet. The only person close to me who has a problem with the way I eat is my Mother. Having cooked for me regularly before my vegan days (and even in my veggie days) she's now cooked for me twice in approx 2 years. She makes pro-meat comments very often, and criticises vegan options wherever possible.

There is this one thing between us that gets in the way and it's 100% unnecessary - I don't understand why she can't accept the choice I've made and that we differ in opinion. I'd like for her to respect my decision and I really don't understand why she finds it so hard!

It's possible for omnivorous, veggie & vegan diets to be both healthy and unhealthy. Common sense is always necessary (it wouldn't be sensible to eat nothing but T-Bone all day every day). So therefore I would encourage you to really assess why you hate the choice she's made.

We all have issues that are close to our hearts. Just think, if you had a friend who pledged to give up smoking, or get more exercise, or start supporting a particular charity, would you be resentful and/or critical, just because you didn't necessarily feel the same way?

Hopefully you will reach a peaceful understanding, and mealtimes will not be too difficult :)

[Vegan-in-Berlin]

Veganism is good for the planet AND for your health - there is nothing to worry about. Obviously, she needs to make sure to get all the important nutrients, but that is true for every diet - veganism is no exception (in fact, it's generally more healthy than other diets). The important thing is to eat a variety of different foods, but it really is not as difficult to eat a healthy, balanced vegan diet as you fear. It is neither extreme nor does it require obsession - it is the rational choice to make given the facts available, and after some initial reading up and trying out new foods, it will become as natural and easy as any other diet.
If you are really concerned about your daughter's health, I can recommend reading "The China Study" and "Becoming Vegetarian" - these two books will put your worries to rest. And there are tons of great cook-books with easy-to-make, delicious and healthy recipes that will help her (and you) to explore and enjoy veganism. Who knows - you might even come to like it yourself! (I have been vegan for 4 years and don't miss a thing - in fact, my diet has become much more interesting and enjoyable than it used to be.)
Don't worry so much and enjoy the opportunity for trying something new instead - it can only broaden your horizon! And congratulations for raising your children to become the politically engaged, open-minded and strong persons that

[PhatP]

Donna...do yourself and your daughter a favor and go on Youtube and put in the search box..."animal slaughterhouse footage" or "Meet Your Meat" and if you can't stomach it...(watch it) then leave your daughter alone!

Philip

[drvittoriarepetto]

Please make sure that your daughter is giving Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D; vegans don't get these from the foods they are eating.

[livegan]

Meat-eaters don't get enough of these vitamins either!

[veganintheUK]

Vegans can very easily get all the vitamins they need (from one-a-day supplements if nothing else).

Vegans, vegetarians, and omnivores alike can fall anywhere on the healthy eating spectrum. I'd guess that vegans think about where their nutrients are coming from more often than the average meat eater!

[NathaninSeattle]

Fail. I am a vegan and have no problem getting all of what I need. This is coming from a ten year athlete, weightlifter and all around healthy guy.