My Jewish Achilles Whore
Sarah Silverman: Why did that acid-tongued pisher with a guitar pick have to ruin it for the rest of us? Like the Jewish singles crisis in America wasn't bad enough already.
For a week now, all I hear at singles' events are two things: "Those don't quite look like birthing hips to me" and "how hot is Sarah Silverman?"
Sure, she's smokin', alright. She smoked any chance of my landing a Jewish guy as long as she insists on flaunting her f--king escapades. This, the first ever documented case of a sexually-liberated Jewess, is already taking a mighty toll on Jewish birth rates, say demographers cursing her curious comeliness. No half-hearted Jewish guy is willfully going back to the eager, if not steadfast, single Jewess now while there's a woman out there so sexually explicit she makes Paris Hilton seem downright prudish.
Just when it seemed like we were making stratospheric strides in the world of Jewish dating, she had to up the ante - completely edging us out of the running. Sure, we're still thinner, we're docile, we'll let a guy mold us into anything he wants us to be - but apparently our pliable personalities aren't enough. Is it possible that we've become complacent? That we've worked so hard at being thin that we didn't think we needed a personality too?
Regardless, she's become the new dark horse in the dating race - the Jewish sex symbol with a f--king mystique all her own and we have all the mystique of shoe polish. Her personality's like sandpaper while we're steeped in social comportment - and they'll still run to take her home to Mom.
She's the Jewish boy's Holy Grail with a guitar. Every Jewess wants to be her, and every guy - including, as we've recently learned, Matt Damon - wants to f--k her. She's poised to poach all of our good men and all but decimate our numbers.
So why is that Jewish guys set their sights on this self-professed porcupine with a shayna punim only a Kimmel could love? Because she's the Jewess just out of reach enough to covet. She's not just one of the boys, she's outsmarted him. Not timidly clutching her pearls during sex, she's clutching a camera. She brazenly struts her stubbly stuff on national TV - and otherwise freakishly perfectionist nebbishes can't get enough of it.
Icons like Babs we've been able to compete with. But this gleefully self-deprecating, Matt Damon-f--king jezebel has single-handedly ruined it for the rest of the Jewesses trying to land our own Matt Damon, our own dream.
The rest of us are plodding along our way, earnestly trying to turn the heads of the already tribally disenchanted. Then, all of a sudden, like an actualization from every Jewish boy's summer camp wet dream, a Jewess with a guitar pick as sharp as her tongue graphically and squalidly entices the Jewish boys who were thisclose to resigning themselves to settling down with one of us.
How do you compete with that?
Sarah Silverman is my personal Achilles slut of Jewish dating and every Jewish guy wants one of his own.
On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door, Sarah Silverman will forever be my Jewish Achilles Whore.
Follow Doree Lewak on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DoreeLewak
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Oh why oh why can't we just find one female Jewish commedian (or anything else for that matter) who everyone likes? There should be a law!
I loved your article on my daughter Sarah. Thanks for the laughs. It's so surreal for us. Peace, Donald Silverman
I dont know of one single man who finds that malicious,mean spirited, mascuiline hag 'smokin hot' or attractive in any way.
We all think she's a dude.
ooooh - i dont think that ANY female should fear ms. silverman. I have always thought that she must use blackmail or such to get a man. I find her voice annoying and i dont think she is funny unless one thinks stupid is funny. Only masochists would be interested in her -
Sarah Silverman is a comedienne who pushes both the envelop and her luck. I have never seen her show because I saw a few of the ads for it and was totally grossed out. I realize that what grossed me out may be comedy food for others. I am sure I am totally lacking in humor even though I see life as humorous. squidoo.com/foreign_currency_trading
This is all about ethnocentrism.
Hey Ned Flanders....Get a clue-diddly-ue.
Hopefully what you wrote was tongue in cheek Doree, or else you're setting yourself up for some crappy experiences.
I am a single Jewish man who has absolutely no idea of this "crises" in the Jewish dating world. If you are concerned with what Silverman is doing, instead of putting your intention of what you want out there and staying focused on that, then your problem is right before your eyes.
Who cares what she is doing? Be yourself fully and completely, live your life and trust that life will present you with opportunities. It's up to you to make the most of these.
If you're looking at an entertainer as a reason for you to not be meeting the type of man you wish to, then honey, I'd suggest you spend some time figuring out why you'd want to give your power away to someone else. It sounds like you're pissed that she is empowered, and instead of empowering yourself you are choosing to have a pity party. Take the reins of your life and take some risks.
From what I've read, it sounds like you're focusing on what others say you "should" be like. Simply be yourself, stay thin if that's fun for you, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. The great thing is that you will end up enjoying your life so much more whether you have a significant other or not. This is a very attractive energy, which makes it that much easier to find a great match for relationship. Have fun with all this.
Ari
Sarah is funny as shit. She is one of the only female comediennes who makes me laugh. This is only part of an on-running Kimmel gag with Kimmel running out of time and Matt Damon "NOT" being on Jimmy's show. I guess what better way for Damon to "fuck" Kimmel. I don't blame Damon.... I'd rather get Sarah too.
Doesn't the Jewish faith have a word for slut, whore, trash, etc.? I am as white bread as they come, but what nice Jewish girl/woman would want anyone who worships Sarah Silverman? She is the most foul-mouthed, low life excuse for a woman I have ever seen. I automatically turn the channel if I even glimpse her. As to her "hotness," anyone who has to settle for Jimmy Kimmel (a sexist twerp who dumped a perfectly good wife and children because he didn't have the stomach for responsibility) - well, if that's hot, then Monica Lewinsky is right behind her.
I hear there is a Jewish dating crisis, but in reality, no Jewish man should be taking home someone like Sarah Silverman to meet his mother. And that may be your problem. For generations, Jewish mothers have insisted on nice Jewish girls for their sons. If Jewish guys are marrying non-Jews, mom and dad are falling down on the job. What ever happened to, "And don't ever darken our doorstep if you marry HER!"? Or, "Do you realize how old we are getting? We would like to see our grandchild before we die ..." Traditionally, Jewish parents could get away with essentially arranged marriages - you pick the nice jewish girl, we do the arrangements. Come on parents, start nagging these guys.
Rest assured that there is an entire crop of uptight Jewish males that would flee the room if a Sarah Silverman type even glanced in their direction... Don't worry, all she has done is skim the .02 of the mostly Jewish-in-name-only guys off the surface of a pond full of guys who won't take their underpants off in their own apartment with the lights off and only to get in the shower... You are safe, there is a man for you out there, no worries...
Jewish? I thought she was Catholic.
I think that every ethnic group in America, including the Amish & Jehovahs Wittness, now has a liberated woman stand up comic doing a routine on cable about her male conquests which goes into clinical detail about each quickie, one night stand & episode of group sex. This makes life more difficult for single woman from every ethnic group in America. Jewish single women aren't the only group which has to deal with the wit of an acerbic, tell all, woman comic.
OK, not every ethnic group has a Sarah Silverman clone, yet. Jewish woman must also deal with the fact that Jewish humor is popular with us goys & schicksas. But Amish, Armenian, Arabic, Thai, etc humor will become popular with white bread Americans in a year or so. All single, ethnic, women will have similar problems that Jewish, single, women face when a wise ass like Sarah becomes a top banana or you select the fruit or vegie. It is only going to take a year or two for every ethnic, single, woman to feel as embarassed & put upon as Jewish, single, women feel after Sarah appears on TV or at a club.
obama fan.
I agree. She's hot, but you could have shortened up a bit.
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