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Dori Hartley

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Not All Children Are Human

Posted: 08/30/2011 12:03 am

Human beings really enjoy setting goals and standards. While some of these goals are attainable, others have developed into challenges that clearly exclude those who are unable to compete. Survival of the fittest has evolved into a true competition, where the winners are praised for their physical beauty, wealth, relationship status, and, of course -- their success at bearing and raising children.

It's quite daunting to be regarded as a failure for not producing offspring, and though society hasn't exactly come out with an official statement of disapproval, it's rather obvious that adults who don't make babies are looked upon as sad, somewhat bitter variations on the human theme. If you are a childless adult, then you know what it's like to be pitied and condemned by a nameless, faceless crowd.

And, considering that nature has provided us with an instinctive need to nurture and love things that are small and helpless, it's rather unfair to pass judgment on those of us who, for whatever reason, found ourselves living a life without children.

I have a daughter, so I cannot say from experience that I know first hand what this feels like, but I can tell you this: I have many, many friends who do not have children, and believe me, the last thing they want is pity. I've seen the longing in them, the acceptance, and I've also seen how this instinct to nurture has manifested in their lives as pure, undiluted compassion.

Enter: Pets.

It's no big news that human beings love their animals. Some folks love their pets so much that they perceive them as family members, even as children. Does it matter that these "children" are of a different species, especially when the human adult's need to nurture is met by the animal's need to be nurtured?

Whether you are gay or straight, single or in a relationship -- the desire to parent is deeply programmed into our nature. Yet, some people can't have kids because of biological reasons. Some can't afford to raise a kid alone -- or as a couple, for that matter -- and in a conscious decision, they choose not to bring a life into the world. Adoption is a noble path, but it's not available to everyone. Ultimately, that which makes life bearable to us lies in our potential to give love. And we tend to focus that love on something that is open to receiving it, like a child or an animal.

Life doesn't always give us the perfect conditions for a fairytale existence. And though we may not be living in a perfect world, I know a lot of people who proudly admit that they would die happily, surrounded by their furry friends.

For those who fight for the rights of animals -- good for you! For those who donate to shelters, who adopt pets and give them loving homes -- my hat goes off to you. For those of you who talk to your pets in baby voices, wheel your Poodles and Chihuahuas around in strollers, and allow your Great Danes and German Shepherds to sleep in the bed with you -- you have my total respect.

And so, for everyone who thinks of their animals as their children, know this: You are being the best human being you can be. And seriously -- think of the money you've saved not having to worry about giving them a college education!

As I wait for my human daughter to wake from the lengthy slumber that is only possible in the world of teenagers and cats, I look down at the floor by the side of my desk chair, and there they are -- my other two kids, Sugar and Angel, the feline fatties. If I make eye contact with either one of them, it'll be all over. They'll want love and lots of attention, all of which I'm only too happy to give.

Let the love fest begin.

 
 
 

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Human beings really enjoy setting goals and standards. While some of these goals are attainable, others have developed into challenges that clearly exclude those who are unable to compete. Survival of...
Human beings really enjoy setting goals and standards. While some of these goals are attainable, others have developed into challenges that clearly exclude those who are unable to compete. Survival of...
 
 
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12:08 PM on 09/24/2011
I have two children. I have had seven dogs in my life. The dogs were all family, and we loved them to pieces, and while we grieved the death of every single one of them, I'm sorry, animals are not children. There is no comparison between the lost of a child and the loss of a pet.
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femchauvinist74
Waiting for the mothership to catch a ride home
12:06 AM on 09/01/2011
I've never longed for children..not all of us are destined to be mothers...some of us are perfectly happy being the fun auntie. I love my pets, and no, they won't take care of me when I'm old, but that's what nursing homes are for.
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shisterkatz
Why can't we all just get along?
05:15 PM on 08/31/2011
I just have to say I am happy to have found this article. I am a 42 year old female. At the age of 21 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had to have a total hysterectomy and it devistated me. I have always wanted children but I do not want the pitty party that people always feel for me. I have been a fur mom since then. I have lost many fur children throughout the years and have mourned them as they all had their own personality. I always replace them because I can not bare the pain of their lose and although they could never hold the same place in my heart as each other there is plenty of room for the 2 fur babies I have now. Each one of them have their own special place in my heart and memories. Pets are family and it is very hard when you lose one. My lack of human children is not my choice and I would LOVE to have a human child but I am happy with the hand I have been delt with and love my babies.
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Wairimu
anti-extremist (of all stripes)
04:42 PM on 08/31/2011
Perhaps I shoud think my Toyota is a jumbo jet and call it as such.

I'm sorry, but animals are animals and humans are humans - big difference. Unless you are yourself a cat, a cat is not a child. Likewise for every other type of animals people choose to call their child.
03:45 PM on 08/31/2011
Sorry animal lovers. Or as I call you all, par a site lovers. Animals will never take care of you when youre sick or old and in need of them. They also wont make life decisions for you when youre too old to wipe your own behind, become self sufficient upon your teachings, make you proud of their accomplishments, bring you a birthday card or tell you they love you by their actions. Maybe the nice steamy one on the ground you have to pick up for them is pleasant enough for you all but. Kids and pets are not comparable and its an insult to kids.
Hemkit
We all float down here...
08:15 PM on 08/31/2011
Hate to break it to you, but there is no guarantee that your kids will be there for you later in life or that they will out live you.
12:52 PM on 09/01/2011
I agree. The only ones that have guarantees are "pet parents".
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Jennifer Zirn
Agree to disagree.
01:01 AM on 08/31/2011
I love my fur-babies.

They are my children, they give everything. They listen but don't judge. They each have their own little personalities and quirks.
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ninjasrolled
Orbiting a small unregarded yellow sun
02:58 PM on 08/30/2011
"If you are a childless adult, then you know what it's like to be pitied and condemned by a nameless, faceless crowd."

Ha ha ha!!! Yeah, I'm so pitied by my peers with kids when they see my new sportscar and motorcycle or hear about my trips abroad or how I recently graduated with honors or when they come to one of our legendary dinner parties or see our massive urban garden. They feel sooo sorry for me!
02:55 PM on 08/30/2011
I am a proud fur-mommy and plan to stay that way.
I did not like children not even as a child myself. Don't get me wrong I am happy for my friends who want and/or have kids, but I have never wanted them. Never.
I am happiest with my 3 dogs. I am lucky that my husband feels the same way.
I am sick of the comments "you'll change your mind", or "you'll love your own child" and I am sure I would love my own child but I don't want to be a mom to a child. I would rather have a fur-baby anyday. Happily Child-free & covered in fur!
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jonpaul65
retired teacher-turned-writer
02:35 PM on 08/30/2011
As an older woman, widowed and with grown children living far away, I can attest to the fact that these dear, cuddly creatures DO become your family! It is quite therapeutic to have a pet. I can't imagine coming back to an empty house. When I walk through the door, they are there, waiting for me. they ask for so little - and give so much!
01:50 PM on 08/30/2011
We are definitely not freaks,We're Pet Parents. As the author stated,Some of us take different paths in life. Then you have people with physical,mental and social issues. People who would otherwise live a lonely life without the love of an animal.
01:08 PM on 08/30/2011
My dogs have never broken my heart, disappointed me, talked back, cursed at me, lied, or made our home a battleground. Kids, on the other hand...
01:00 PM on 08/30/2011
I'm 37 and my husband is 45 and we do not have children. We have been called selfish, useless and a waste of life by people who both know me and don't know us (think whatever you like). We have 3 furkids who will never take the place of a child nor do we want them to.

It's sad how some value the worth of others based upon whether or not they have children.
Hemkit
We all float down here...
08:17 PM on 08/31/2011
I'm with you. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 years, I'm 35, he's 40. No desire to have kids but we would not trade in our 2 kitties and 1 pup for ANYTHING. They are our kids and they know it.
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cherokeechild
Every rose has its thorns
11:20 AM on 08/30/2011
I am so glad I read this article because I just lost my "baby" girl after 10 years & I am greiving her death.
I am grateful that she went out peacefully & in no pain. I am also thankful for her presence in my life.
She was such a character,I swear that as a puppy she looked at me one day and probably thought "you
need to be trained". And so I was aware when & where she wanted me to pay attention. She was my buddy, the source of much laughter, and a pain in the b---t but she was mine. I will miss her.
03:03 PM on 08/30/2011
I am sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is hard (I took it harder losing my cat of 15 years than losing my father) - I hope your memories can help you recover from your loss. My deepest sympathies.
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03:30 PM on 08/30/2011
I just lost my 12 y/o Golden last Thursday and we're going through the same thing. It's not easy and those who think, "Oh, it's just a dog, who cares" well, they don't have a clue.
05:59 PM on 08/30/2011
You are both in my thoughts as you work your way through your grief. Take heart and keep the memories of their presence close. Those who claim "it's just a dog" were never loved by that special canine and I feel sorry for them.

Dogs lives are much too short!
11:17 AM on 08/30/2011
When you child free, helping with other children is an option. The Big Brothers and Sisters always needs your help. Any Orphanage need help. For those who are able: Adoption, for those who are not: Buying Gifts for a Social Service organization. Sometimes helping your Siblings with childcare is an option, they might just need some Date Time. Check also with your neiborhood if you enjoy babysitting and are a responsible human being ; put up a sign to help with childcare. Pets are great and need lots of care from their owners. Please do not let them run wild in the streets. Make sure you also care and are responsible for your pet by cleaning up after them when walking them. Please remember your fellow Human Being.
10:31 AM on 08/30/2011
We have dogs and none of them even know that they are a dog. The have their own dishes, bed and are on a set schedule for bedtime and the time they get up out of bed every day. They know words like gravy, cookie and potty all time and up adam...they know when they're in trouble and one even gets back at us if we make him mad by chewing up whatever we last had that took our attention from him. they are all furry toddlers with 4 legs and we couldn't love them more if they were human.