What would happen to us as women over 50 if we stopped thinking and talking about "anti-aging"? If we quit working on, reshaping, modifying and enhancing our outer shell and altering our inner dialogue to fit some preconceived idea of the perfect "mature woman"? What if we stopped trying to outsmart nature, stopped trying to prove that we are just as good, if not better than we were 20 years ago? Where might we put all that energy and creativity instead?
If you are living, breathing and female, chances are you know there is a war going on in the hearts, minds and souls of women of all ages. We are doing battle with what we perceive to be society's demands, external expectations and opinions of who we are and how we should look.
This has been a battle of a lifetime for the boomer generation of women. We learned at a very early age to compare ourselves to others, and for decades we set our personal standards to those we witnessed on TV and in movies, in beauty magazines and fashion ads -- all the while driven by the women-can-do-it-all mentality.
We've spent years facing a daunting array of expectations that taught us to look outside ourselves for the answers. In our desire to achieve, we allowed ourselves, knowingly and unknowingly, to be pulled and prodded by these subtle cultural directives. We could only "have it all" if we valued certain things, behaved in certain ways; if we had the "right" haircut, the appropriate dress, the right degrees, the perfect career, children that reflected the acceptable norms, etc.
It's no wonder many of us have woken up later in life to discover we don't have a clue who we are or what we're supposed to be doing. Why would we? We have not learned to listen to ourselves. We have not recognized or listened to the voice of the unique and creative spirit that lives within each of us, the voice that is our only true guide.
Who would you be if you gave up this battle with the process of life and instead moved to the center of you? What if, instead of using up your valuable time searching the cultural landscape for the next distraction to prove that you're the "perfect woman over 50," you chose to look inward, to listen to your inner directives and follow your truly creative spirit?
I personally, think you would be glorious....magical....radiant....a force with which to be contended. I also believe that once the "hook up" is made, life gets a whole lot simpler! Take a chance. Break through the barrier of fear and discover the amazing you that needs no external instructions to create a profound and important impact on the world. It needs you. You need you.
Follow Dorothy Sander on Twitter: www.twitter.com/AgingAbundantly
"I wonder if dogs are mindful and worry about aging?"
Many people laughed and said "No....I don't think so...."
I asked in return "then....if dogs don't, why do we worry?"
Debra Jaliman MD
Author "Skin Rules: Trade Secrets from a Top New York Dermatologist"
But when we are so preoccupied with appearances, we don't.
I think there's a balance to be achieved. Each woman will find her own balance. But we've lost our sense of proportion, not to mention anything like a "level playing field." How many women put dollars into cosmetic procedures rather than education? How many spend years (and tens of thousands of dollars) on diets only to yo-yo - for lack of understanding what foods they should eat, how they should eat, and what moderate exercise might work for them?
How many women spend a lifetime ruing their thighs, their nose, their something... never actually enjoying their moments - in bed, for example?
I also worry about your term "perfecting." This is a serious problem in our culture - the notion of some perfection in terms of appearance that will suddenly make our lives "perfect."
We've lost our common sense. We've lost touch with the need to go beyond the surface. We, as women, need to consider our choices, not only in terms of our health and our budgets, but what they communicate to our daughters, to our sons, and to society as a whole.
Dorothy has had a significant influence on the growth of that awareness. With a philosopher's voice she has persisted in asking questions and challenging us to think; "Who would you be if you gave up this battle with the process of life and instead moved to the center of you?"
The glorious take away in this post is the naming of the need to recognize and listen to..."the voice of the unique and creative spirit that lives within each of us, the voice that is our only true guide."
I look forward to hearing the voices and seeing the images that will grow from this remarkable renaissance of the dignity of aging.
all my love, amy ferris
Surely, by this age, we can find more worthwhile endeavors than further decorating our bodies and filling our closets. Surely we can find something more substantial to be proud of than that we have no wrinkles. Surely we have discovered that it what what we contribute to the world that brings us joy, NOT what is reflected in the mirror.
I despise the inane black balloons trotted out at birthdays, as if life is over at 40 or 50 or 60. For me, truly meaningful life didn't really begin until my late fifties when I quit following the dictates of women's magazines and the fashion industry and dared to let myself BE myself.
One of the reasons some of the 40-something and 50-something women I know go for the surgical procedures and other "tricks" is because they find themselves newly unemployed and are competing in a dreadful market with younger workers. Or, they're divorced, and competing for men - especially difficult in our superficial culture if you believe your only option is online dating.
You also have older mothers who look up after 20 years of heads-down work work work, paying bills and raising a family. They look in the mirror and see a face they don't recognize and they're scared. If our culture offered any sort of social safety net - in terms of health care, for example - perhaps we would be less frightened seeing the natural consequences of aging and continuing to explore the world and the ways we can contribute.
These are social issues. They are connected to education (about food & health for example), to access to medical care, to employment, to divorce.
I so agree with you on the issues of educating ourselves about true health. It wasn't until my sixties that I discovered that real, living, mostly raw, organic food is a far superior beauty treatment than all the cosmetics in the world. Because I eat right now, I look -- and feel -- better than I did twenty years ago, and that's with no makeup and gray hair. There's just nothing that can trump glowing, radiant health.
I'm all for every effort to inform us of opportunities for health, fitness, greater participation in our communities and the larger world. And as you say, Dorothy, to look inward.
Imagine the contributions we could make with all that effort and ability directed to less narcissistic ends. I say - let's give it a shot! (Now how do we convince pharma, media, & the beauty biz that we won't ignore them; we just want to shift the conversation?)
Wonderful post!
Au contraire. I FULLY intend to ignore them. Their "solutions" to imagined problems cooked up just so that they could market to us turned out to be hollow. For me, I'll find my health in real food, in reasonable exercise, in a positive approach, in laughter and love. I'll find my beauty in joy and purpose and contribution and kindness. A pox on all their houses.
I resent being told that beauty has only a few definitions at *any* age (I would guess you feel the same), and I'll take substance over form any day of the week. That said, we need the media, we need pharma, we need business of all sorts.
I need my "real" prescriptions which are few but necessary. I love my handful of beauty products which make me feel good (a little liner, a little gloss, a dab of Chanel). And I love my aspirational magazines and imagery as do many. What I don't want is pharma ramming ridiculous product down my throat, media insisting that only youth & looks are what matter, not to mention Botox and veneers and nips-and-tucks as the norm.
I'm with you on the joy and purpose, the contribution and kindness. For all of us, whatever our age.