I have had quite a few clients ask my advice recently about "dating after divorce". Of course, I refer them to Dating After Divorce right here on the Huffington Post. However, this question got me to thinking, what about dating for the single divorce attorney. . .? After all, divorce attorneys experience almost all of the turbulence of the divorce process that the parties do (i.e. a-hole adversaries, biased judges, vengeful exes). The emotional toll that divorce litigation takes on the parties is virtually unparalleled in the world of relationships. Although attorneys must maintain an emotional wall between their personal lives and litigation, we have a front row seat to the worst of the worst that the universe of relationships has to offer. Whether it be false allegations regarding custody, the hiding of assets or plain old-fashioned adultery, the issues confronted on a daily basis by divorce attorneys could make the romantic of us run the other way when it comes to relationships, marriage and children.
People ask me all the time: "Why are you single?" I believe that yes, after dealing with divorce litigation for close to fifteen years, I have become cautious about dating and relationships. Anyone looking at me would believe that I use the word "cautious" synonymously with "nonexistent". However, "cautious", to me, means that I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. If someone wants to "set me up" with a woman, I ask them about the potential date's relationship history, career, family, interests and why they believe we would hit As I listen to the answers (probably inadmissible hearsay in a court of law), the attorney in me begins to filter these answers through the "would any of this affect us as a couple in a future divorce". If I hear or project there to be any "issues", I reject the "set up" before it is even made.
Even when I have found myself in a relationship, it is usually set up to fail from the beginning (i.e. long distance with neither of us able to relocate; philosophical differences regarding child-rearing). Apparently, I am much more proficient at dissolving relationships than I am at creating them.
As such, I am making a concerted effort to improve my outlook on dating and relationships via therapy and meditation. I know many couples married for 25, 30 and even 50 years. Although it is not easy, relationships and marriages can and do work, so long as the parties put the work into them.
So, dear readers, it is now the point of this article where I seek to enlist your help. I am asking that you help this single, 43-year-old, guitar playing, tattooed, chivalrous divorce attorney find Ms. Right. I am open to meeting someone so long as they are able to come to New York for the date and have no aversion to my writing about the date(s) in this column. I put my relationship future in your hands dear readers -- until we meet again. As always, I can be reached at: douglas@kepanislaw.com
SMILE!!!