Doug's Dozen: 12 Debate Zingers for Mitt Romney (VIDEO)

10/03/2012 02:52 pm ET | Updated Dec 03, 2012

News item: Mitt Romney is rehearsing zingers to use in his debate Wednesday with President Obama.

Well, no one has had more laughs from watching Mitt Romney these past few weeks than I have. But it concerns me that with all that wealth of humor, the number of actual, intentional jokes have been vanishingly small.

I cannot bear to see Governor Romney walk into this battle of wits unarmed.

So I'm going to blow the dust off my old political joke book, and provide him with some surefire laugh-lines.

This is war of humor -- laying siege to the hearts, minds, and funnybones of America. For the future of his country, Mitt must cause a laff-riot. He must leave the swing voters in stitches, gasping for air, with split sides... and no health care.

Even his wife will be saying, "Stop it."

With that in mind, Doug's Dozen modestly presents 12 Debate Zingers for Mitt Romney.


See more Doug's Dozen lists at

Read's Doug's comic novel, Memoirs of a Time Traveler,

"You couldn't ask for a finer guide to the future - or the past - than Doug Molitor. Having so thoroughly enjoyed his 'Memoirs of a Time Traveler,' the next book I read is, without a doubt going to be his 'Memoirs of a Time Traveler' again."
-- Larry Gelbart (A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, TV's M*A*S*H, Tootsie.)