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Doug Molitor

Doug Molitor

Posted: February 21, 2011 05:54 PM

DOUG'S DOZEN: 12 PRESIDENTS' FAMOUS LAST WORDS

1. George Washington: "Doctor, I pray you, no more leeches. This morning I cut myself shaving, and nothing came out."

2. James Madison: "Dolly, what did put in this cupcake? You know I'm allergic to lecithin."

3. William Henry Harrison: "Yeah, right, washing my hair when I have a cold will lead to pneumonia. Give me a break."

4. Zachary Taylor: "My stomach's been killing me since I drank that lemonade from the Fillmore kid's stand."

5. James Buchanan: "They're going to say all kinds of nasty things about why I was a bachelor, but don't believe them. By the way, make sure you burn all those daguerreotypes under my bed."

6. James Garfield: "Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just a disappointed office-seeker?"

7. William McKinley: "Is that pistol in your pocket, or are you just a deranged anarchist?"

8. William Howard Taft: "Ninety-seven hot dogs, and I'm still hungry! The big boy wins another contest!"

9. Calvin Coolidge: (none)

10. Dwight Eisenhower: "Well, if it isn't Dick Nixon! Nice of you to visit me in the hospital...but I've had second thoughts about endorsing you for president. Hey, what are you doing with that pillow?"

11. Lyndon Johnson: "What do you mean, you can't see him? Kennedy's right here! No, Jack! It wasn't my idea, it was Hoover and the CIA! Keep back! Aggh, my heart!"

12. Richard Nixon: "You can't take me to Hell. Sure, the signature was in my blood, but you tricked me into thinking I'd be a POPULAR president!"


More lists at www.dougsdozen.com

And Doug's Dozen videos on FunnyOrDie.