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Doug's Dozen: 12 Reasons O.J. Might Get Beat Up in Prison

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Nevada's Lovelock Prison is denying the National Enquirer story that O.J. Simpson was beaten unconscious, and spent three weeks in the infirmary.

Of course the story was bogus! Why would anyone attack such a beloved celebrity?

Oh, right...

DOUG'S DOZEN: 12 REASONS O.J. MIGHT GET BEAT UP IN PRISON

1. No opportunity to beat him up outside prison.

2. Always asks new arrivals, "Wanna see my Naked Gun?"

3. Smuggles a shiv in for his conjugal visits, just in case.

4. Marcia Clark just put in charge of prison security.

5. Cellmate fed up with Kato Kaelin crashing in their top bunk.

6. Tried to hid his stash of cigarettes from the Goldman family.

7. Kept saying, 'What did Mubarak do that was so bad?'

8. Convicts just not as friendly as golfers.

9. Never cries when they run "The Shawshank Redemption."

10. Finally found the real killers...who hate getting blamed for crap they didn't do.

11. Turns out a slow-speed chase doesn't work in a prison yard.

12. Told attacker in shower room, "It does not fit, so you must quit!"

More lists at www.dougsdozen.com

And Doug's Dozen videos on FunnyOrDie