08/01/2011 06:37 pm ET | Updated Oct 01, 2011

12 Ways to Tell Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann Apart (VIDEO)

Refuse to raise the debt ceiling? Worried that the president is an illegal alien? Like to pepper their speeches with gun talk?

No, that's both of them.

Well, how about that nails-on-the-chalkboard voice, the bumper-sticker speeches, the hunt-the-poor vision for America's future?

Nope. Still could be either one. But don't worry, this week's Doug's Dozen will give you all the tools you need to distinguish between these two undistinguished candidates:

And please don't think me sexist for pointing out their shortcomings; they're just the most interesting Republican candidates/pseudo-candidates at the moment.

Would you even be reading this far if it was about Mitt Romney and Tim Pawlenty?

Say, that reminds me, I need a nap...

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