Fact Or Fiction? Michael Jackson, Sotomayor, And What To Do When You Don't Know What To Believe

As I sit down to write you, my computer's 'mouse' is scampering about, seemingly with a mind of its own. First here, then there, the mercurial thing is going all over the place. Not unlike the twists and turns of stories in the news these days.

Last night, the sheriff in Florida described the murder mystery of the couple there as a 'humdinger,' "...the stuff movies are made of! We think we are heading down one street, only to find it leads completely somewhere else..." Just a few weeks ago, we watched and winced as Governor Sanford made his vivid confessional.

Last week, musical legend, Michael Jackson was 'laid to rest,' (well, maybe, location unknown). Meanwhile, in the backdrop, a horrifying cemetery story was breaking in Illinois about criminal graveyard activity. Today, both stories continue with all sorts of speculations.

On "the Hill," as my hometown, Washington, D.C. is known, Judge Sonia Sotomayor enters the lion's den, with its penchant for grilling and grandstanding, where Republicans and Democrats play their own version of the 'blame game.' Team 'A,' claims their pick is a heroine. Team 'B' claims indignation, and moral superiority.

What if this tiresome old pattern were really an unconscious attempt to avoid the one thing that's even scarier than determining who's right, who's wrong? What if what frightens us silly is facing the notion that we've actually got to learn how to work collaboratively together as the Unknown presents itself, before its too late? Until we gather sufficient courage to enter this Learning Curve, playing Dodgeball continues, and nothing much changes in Dodge.

How do you know what to believe? How do you know who to believe? I don't know about you, but the tossings, turnings, and churnings today seem to be more than familiar. The names of the lead story characters might differ, but the gerbil wheel dynamic is reminiscent of a place we humanoids end up so often running. Like my mouse's cursor, we may believe we are headed in one desired direction, only to discover we've gotten caught in the most annoying way in something else. Something sticky has hooked us. Our attention strays from what we consciously intended, and suddenly, we are shadow-boxing with ourselves, and what upsets. The worst part, however, is that after we're sufficiently worn down from the challenge we didn't want on our plates, we begin to question what's fact, what's fiction. No small wonder there's so much collective fascination with 'did he/didn't he?' does she/doesn't she?' At a much deeper level in any story, those who will admit it, (and this takes a mighty healthy sense of self,) suspect what's really being questioned is no only our questions about each other, but our notions about ourselves. Without which, it is impossible to heal, much less grow.

A brilliant example of this was portrayed in the film some years ago about John Nash. You may have seen it. "A Beautiful Mind" ushers us into the story of a brilliant mathematician. But, it doesn't stop there. Before you know it, unwittingly, we, as audience, have wandered into the psyche of schizophrenia, where the mind gets caught on the hooks of delusions. Without realizing, the distortions of a disturbed mind have become a shared, consensual reality. Blessedly, the storyteller and director guide us out through the labyrinth into the light of day, once more, where we are free to leave the theatre, breathe anew, and rejoin our lives as 'things really are.'

Or, are we? As long as we believe that our perspective is the only correct lens, and all others must be flawed, we continue going in circles on that old gerbil wheel. Perhaps this is what makes the politicians' blame game so disturbing, and mourning family feuds over the 'remains of the day,' so grim.

Such global, as well as deeply personal moments force us to confront what is the truth of a life? Is it the achievements, the awards, the resume? Or, is it best reflected in spontaneous, unguarded words, moments? Or, is the truth of a life demonstrated best in those dreams to which we give our hearts? Maybe all of the above.

From the events of late, we are challenged to address our own mortality, and the reminder that we can be called Home in the wink of an eye. We are shown our nature, as fellow human beings, to do better, to fail, to suffer our own failings, and to go on, and hopefully, grow if we are willing to live increasingly examined lives. The fact is that each new morning, if we are lucky enough to awaken, we get the gift of choice: to grab hold of our dream, and live it to the hilt, to become a better humanitarian than yesterday, and, in Jackson's words:
"...to make a better place for you and me,
And the entire human race..."

To do so, we must make an even bigger effort to see with that invisible eye that is our heart. As the great writer, Antoine de Saint-Exupery put it:

"...And, now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly: what is essential is invisible to the eye."

Prescription for Relief. Here's the good news: when we cannot tell fact from fiction, what we can do is (1) acknowledge our confusion, (2) be kind and patient to ourselves, (3) imagine ourselves taking a break from the gerbil wheel, (4) take a break, (5) leave room for the possibility that there's a bigger perspective than A or B, (6) Offer up the question: 'If there were a bigger truth in this situation that might be very useful, what might it be for me?' (7) Relax. As one book said: "There is a time for every season...and a purpose unto heaven..." Give it time. (9) Notice something new today that's very small and share it with someone else. Pay particular attention to something in front of your nose you've been too preoccupied to enjoy lately!

As always, I look forward to hearing from you: your perspective, thoughts, feelings, references, and how you are. I'll do my best to get back to you in as timely a way as I can! Blessings, Cara

Comments

[sidneycat]

In a perfect world, all of us working together would create a world of peace, harmony and spirit. Yet even in the most mundane of settings, say, an office staff, this is a too rare occurrence. Humans are competitive, tribal, and often suspicious of each other..Even where there is a common goal for the common good, there is often someone who wants an "edge", or an advantage.
I think a more real perspective is to start with oneself, and hope to set an example for those around us.
To get from a place of judging to a place of acceptance.. Even if the only person you improve is yourself, well that's a start. But most of us humans have a lot of work to do, to get through all the feelings, opinions, and pre-judgements that most of us hold..

[TanzaniteDiamonds]

Dr. Barker: Once again, you have such an incredible way with words, along with an ability to resonate such caring thoughts, and an emphasis on the most important things in life.

Your analogy about your mouse's cursor was very clever; something we can all easily relate to, in our high-tech era, of constant keyboard multi-tasking and communication.

The greatest gift to us, is that you share this gift from within yourself, with all of us. It's not the first time that the words "thank-you" just don't seem like enough. But, please know, that you constantly touch many hearts.

Affectionately,
TanzaniteDiamonds

[been2there]

As you point out, the fear is that we must work together. Why is that so frightening? This is something I have had to think about--my father was very obsessive-­compulsive and difference or change was--to put it mildly--distressing to him. What I had to learn is that different is not necessarily worse, and that I thinik is the crux of the matter. If some "different" whatever is as good as me or mine, maybe I am not as good as different--NOT GOING THERE! It was a real step forward when I shed the contempt for differences that I had been indoctrinated with; it was also the end of belonging to that family.
Fundamemtalists of all types, religious, business, you name it, share this fear. The more diverse society is, the harder it is for this type of person to endure; as a society we should try to find ways to help the rigid minds to adapt, not just for their sakes, but for our own.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

been2there, your description and insight is so clear, so poignant that it defies the mere reading of your words. You invite us to take in an chew on the experience for itself. My dear, I do believe you may have a book, or at least an article in you that could help so many. You have named a key:

"...What I had to learn is that different is not necessarily worse, and that I thinik is the crux of the matter. ..."

Ah, yes. Different is not necessarily worse at all, but merely different. Vive la difference! Of course, when our anxiety accelerates, this is another matter. Bless you for pointing out what is so true. I do grow from readers like yourself.

Come by again, won't you? Let me know how you are!

Joy to you,
Cara

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

You are most welcome. I saw this incredible piece at the New York World's Fair in the Sixties and spent over an hour going 'round and round again to enjoy it. Eventually, I missed his work so much that I went to Italy to spend hours with M's sculptures. That the Divine can meet through the visionary with skills to translate the vision became abundantly clear to me. So, my dear, thanks for reminding me of those special, special days.

Cara

[marysandra]

Sometimes I feel peeved that words like "awesome"," genius" or the British frequent use of "brilliant" have become a daily part of the common language. It leaves us searching for ways to describe what is truly awe-inspiring, those magical, jaw dropping moments, when we truly feel in the presence of Universal Spirit flowing through the heart and mind of a mortal.
ms

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

And the irony is that these moments of Presence defy all language, don't they, Marysandra? Meeting in the flow of this Grace leaves us in a zone that has no words...but, perhaps, 'thank you, thank You, Thank YOU.'

Blessings,
Cara

[marysandra]

With all due respect,{and I really mean that}, as I read these posts I get a funny picture in my head.
It's a group of angels standing on a playground taunting each other. Nyeh, Nyeh, I'm more evolved than you are". As a life long seeker of truth, I tried it all, from yoga teacher, meditation leader, to voyeur in Bible Belt churches.
Now in my near-dotage, I find the old words learned as a child like "love one another", "always tell the truth", heck, even the Girl Scout Promise still have great power. Putting Ego in the back seat, or out of the bus completely, and letting him take his pal Selfish with him, has helped me navigate all the winding roads right back to where I started. Simple, it seems, but what a schlep!

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

marysandra, it sounds like you have taken alot of notes along the road. You speak so clearly from experience, that I must question the 'near-dotage' description of yourself! Perhaps, the aging process puts us through so much (neurons misfiring, losing things etc etc) so that we can find the most essential and relish what we find.

As Michaelangelo illustrated through his way of working, it took a great deal of discernment and skill development to know what to remove from the marble to leave us with his "David." You are a woman of Wisdom. Great sculpting!
Many thanks,
Cara

[marysandra]

Dear Cara,
Two of the most joyous days of my life were separated by several years. I was able to spend several hours observing David. You are right, Michelangelo said that David was always in there, he just had to bring him out.
Separating the "wheat from the chaff" indeed.
Thank you for bringing back those wonderful memories.
marysandra

[Arithrianos]

Emptiness of self, emptiness of other, both (if there is a both) are poison for EGO, that is why there is never any space for wiggle room, wiggling leads to dancing, and dancing leads to living, so EGO will have none of it, there must be rigidity for control, so truth becomes not a personal experience, it becomes a weapon to separate the tribe from the evil scary mean savages outside the tribe. From the standpoint of emptiness, at least as "i" "understand" "it", all apperances are valid, all are as true as any other, which is not at all, the only difference is the consequences when you fail to see the ground-emptiness out of which all apperances arise, subsist and then dissolve. As Erasure sings, the lies and the miracles go on.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

It is always so, so good to hear from you, Arithrianos. The richeness of your journey shines through. Your words say it all, in such a lyrical, yet substance-filled way. Here's to the flow, the dissolving, the song where all is One. We come from the same place, to which we all return.

Blessings and gratitude out your way,
Cara

[GypsyJack]

When people forget history they are doomed to repeat it.. someone famous said that.. I think where we are falling short is in seeing where did we get derailed? Like you mentioned, we see the same familliar patterns emerging, we don't know where they come from. They take on a life of their own until we are all sucked into a maze of confusion, swiming in a tidal wave trying to figure out how to get set free. Then we latch on to a raft, a barrel what ever is floating beside us trying to get our barrings straight. These patterns are so old and set in our societies that these rafts of salvation become the problem. When the fundamental principles by which we see life and have set as if in stone in the foundations of our cultures and societies have become the problem we need to rethink, re evaluate everything. Our societies are filled with those seeking to fight to protect the things that cause us to be thrown into the pit of confusion. Today we are beginning to question religions, there is a great force of will against seeing what is hidden behind those beliefs not set in reality, but one founded on superstition and the power of the majority.

Gypsy

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

The really hope-inspiring thing, GypsyJack, is that with people like you speaking up, there is a very real opportunity for more and more to look beneath what hides a deeper reality, including all those limiting beliefs. So, I say, 'good for you!' I am now singing in your chorus. Keep on speaking up. You make a very real difference, one that should never, ever be doubted. I'm on your team.

Come back again and let me know what's important to you, your process, and how you are doing.

Peace and joy,
Cara

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

In my current incarnation of my own confusion, I realize that it is less about who outside myself is right or wrong, and rather a reflection of my own commitment and level of self-trust in the matter.

This is a brilliant piece, thanks for holding the space for this dialogue.

Light and love!
Jason

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Jason Mannino, I simply adore you. I also love the way you language your experience, e.g. "In my current incarnation of my own confusion.­..........­.." Love it!

Many, many wishes for all good things, and much joy your way,
Cara

[Usedtobequiet]

You're just something else, Cara. Every week you give us such a gift. Thank you.

The past few weeks probably aren't any crazier than the weeks before them, but for some reason the frenzy seemed relentless. Hey, what's more important, Sarah Palin's resignation or Michael Jackson's family troubles? Bernie Madoff's new digs or Governor Sanford's affair?

Much was made of Sonia Sotomayor's quote: "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life." I get what she meant, and most people that I know do. Of course, those that shall remain unnamed had to create drama around it, adding to the frenzy of the day.

When did wisdom become something to be feared? I know a lot of women that may not be ready for the Supreme Court, but they have this gift of (for lack of a better phrase) bullsh*t detecting. If we all gave voice to that, I'd be scared too, depending on who I was and what kind of "power" I wielded.

Love, Usedtobequiet

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Amen. Amen. Amen, Usedtobequiet. You've put your finger on the very pulse of the matter. Great job of Voicing, my dear! Keep it up. I actually chuckled out loud with your last paragraph. How very true.

When did we become afraid of Wisdom????????????? Ah, I feel another blog coming on! Primo question, once again, from you. You enrich the experience so very much.

Love,
Cara

[Usedtobequiet]

Yay! Bring on that blog Cara! It's clear that you're one of the wise ones.

Usedtobequiet

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Cara,

What a great post! You continue to weave together the "remains of the day" each week in a way that helps it all make sense and puts a big exclamation mark with highlights around the parts we should pay particular attention to.

Not a surprise that we both managed to hit similar themes again, life and its fleeting nature and what to make of it all. Having spent some in the hospital this past week and home recovering, I gratefully disconnected from the news for a few days. Tuning back in, it was the same old, same old. I felt a note of sadness for us all, that we put so much stock in who said and did what, when.

And you so beautifully call our attention to the real matters at hand, how much do we love, how do we live? Those are the questions I'm inviting readers to ponder in my post this week, just around the corner: "Knowing I Will Die, How Then Shall I Live?" The question and the answers come with more urgency as the world continues to turn and the gerbil spins around the wheel.

Many thanks for your continued brilliance,
Judith

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Let me just tell you again, how happy, no, make that overjoyed, I am that you are back home and on the mend. While I could have told you what was going on in the outer world while you were in the hospital, what would have been the point? It would only have been another outer world spin away from what matters.

You matter Big-time. My love and prayers are with you.
Cara

[goddess1871]

I often joke, as I make slow progress on my dissertation, to "just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep breathing." But sometimes that seems like the best thing to do in the world we live in nowadays. Focus on the immediate and things you can do something about.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

I share your joke. In fact, the truth of it is how I got through my own studies, as well as my greatest personal challenges. Left foot, right foot. What you say has perfect application. Bless you for your offering.

And, while we're at it, goddess1871, know that I'm pulling for you and your dissertation. Let me know how your process goes. I have full confidence in you.

Blessings,
Cara

[goddess1871]

Thanks! I'm 4 chapters from the end. (Thank God.)

[brooklyncitizen]

What a poignant and insightful post.

You said:
"The worst part, however, is that after we're sufficiently worn down from the challenge we didn't want on our plates, we begin to question what's fact, what's fiction"

One of the outcome is to lose trust in ourselves and in others when "reality" does not compute and over thinking really just deepens the muddle. Life is a series of gray areas that are sometimes really hard to navigate. This post is timely as an unwanted challenge was dropped on my plate (untangling my father's estate in a foreign country no less) and my resistance is so profound that it has taken me by surprise.

But dialoguing with one's heart always lights the way ...and this post encourages staying open to "more" -more courage, more wisdom, and more common sense. Thank-you.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

First, brooklyncitizen, I am with you in Spirit. Frankly, I'm beefing up the prayers to send your way. Untangling estate matters is no easy matter. I cannot even imagine doing this on foreign turf. Take good field notes. I'm confident that you'll have much to share and teach the rest of us.

Meanwhile, let's stay tuned to the heart. Yours is a magnificent instrument. Of this, I'm certain.

Love and support your way,
Cara

[brooklyncitizen]

Thank-you.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

And, I say a 'big fat ditto' to that!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Cara

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Cara - great post ..

I have a story that your post reminds me of... belief..?

we were interviewed by a reporter for a British newspaper. We had written a book with contributions by Richard Gere, Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono, Deepak Chopra, HH the Dalai Lama and others.

The reporter asked if we were the guru of these people. I was said absolutely not... I am not a guru. The next day the paper ran the story and it was well advertised that we were the guru of Paul etc. it made me furious and I realized how the press can say whatever they want, They stretched the truth ... as they were in our book and so we were the guru.

I called Paul McCartney's personal assistant and said, "Geoff the press said I am Paul's guru." he replied great PR Ed ... what a relief

Ever since then I don't believe anything I read in the news ... if something as insignificant as this was printed and a lie ... what can I ever believe.

I got to realize that to believe is foolish better to know what is real!

LOL

Ed

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Great, great story, Ed. What a joy to hear from you. When are we going to meet in person?????

Love to you and Deb,
Cara

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

First chance

I truly can't wait

Joyfully,

Ed

[Gnrshrtd]

What an approachable article. Informative, clearly and cogently written, and something practical to put into use. I appreciate the examples, and can see where they parallel some the challenges in my life.

I found of particular help your remark: "As long as we believe that our perspective is the only correct lens, and all others must be flawed, we continue going in circles on that old gerbil wheel." I can be a pretty defensive person at times, which often has not served me well. My challenge is my reactiveness. Admitting there is probably more to a story does indeed help me relax. Accepting that there are un-knowables also helps.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

I just love it when people are brave enough to 'tell on themselves,' i.e. tell the whole truth. You must be a very healthy person, indeed, Gnrshrtd, to admit that you have reactive times. I know just what you mean in my own life. The great thing is that this process of growth is not about perfection, but, rather course correction­..........­..somethin­g we cannot do until we develop the capacity to see ourselves: the good, the bad, the ugly.

Your comments inspire and touch me a great deal. Bless you. Come back for a visit. I'd love to get to know you, as, I'm sure, would these readers.

All the best,
Cara