As I sit down to write you, my computer's 'mouse' is scampering about, seemingly with a mind of its own. First here, then there, the mercurial thing is going all over the place. Not unlike the twists and turns of stories in the news these days.
Last night, the sheriff in Florida described the murder mystery of the couple there as a 'humdinger,' "...the stuff movies are made of! We think we are heading down one street, only to find it leads completely somewhere else..." Just a few weeks ago, we watched and winced as Governor Sanford made his vivid confessional.
Last week, musical legend, Michael Jackson was 'laid to rest,' (well, maybe, location unknown). Meanwhile, in the backdrop, a horrifying cemetery story was breaking in Illinois about criminal graveyard activity. Today, both stories continue with all sorts of speculations.
On "the Hill," as my hometown, Washington, D.C. is known, Judge Sonia Sotomayor enters the lion's den, with its penchant for grilling and grandstanding, where Republicans and Democrats play their own version of the 'blame game.' Team 'A,' claims their pick is a heroine. Team 'B' claims indignation, and moral superiority.
What if this tiresome old pattern were really an unconscious attempt to avoid the one thing that's even scarier than determining who's right, who's wrong? What if what frightens us silly is facing the notion that we've actually got to learn how to work collaboratively together as the Unknown presents itself, before its too late? Until we gather sufficient courage to enter this Learning Curve, playing Dodgeball continues, and nothing much changes in Dodge.
How do you know what to believe? How do you know who to believe? I don't know about you, but the tossings, turnings, and churnings today seem to be more than familiar. The names of the lead story characters might differ, but the gerbil wheel dynamic is reminiscent of a place we humanoids end up so often running. Like my mouse's cursor, we may believe we are headed in one desired direction, only to discover we've gotten caught in the most annoying way in something else. Something sticky has hooked us. Our attention strays from what we consciously intended, and suddenly, we are shadow-boxing with ourselves, and what upsets. The worst part, however, is that after we're sufficiently worn down from the challenge we didn't want on our plates, we begin to question what's fact, what's fiction. No small wonder there's so much collective fascination with 'did he/didn't he?' does she/doesn't she?' At a much deeper level in any story, those who will admit it, (and this takes a mighty healthy sense of self,) suspect what's really being questioned is no only our questions about each other, but our notions about ourselves. Without which, it is impossible to heal, much less grow.
A brilliant example of this was portrayed in the film some years ago about John Nash. You may have seen it. "A Beautiful Mind" ushers us into the story of a brilliant mathematician. But, it doesn't stop there. Before you know it, unwittingly, we, as audience, have wandered into the psyche of schizophrenia, where the mind gets caught on the hooks of delusions. Without realizing, the distortions of a disturbed mind have become a shared, consensual reality. Blessedly, the storyteller and director guide us out through the labyrinth into the light of day, once more, where we are free to leave the theatre, breathe anew, and rejoin our lives as 'things really are.'
Or, are we? As long as we believe that our perspective is the only correct lens, and all others must be flawed, we continue going in circles on that old gerbil wheel. Perhaps this is what makes the politicians' blame game so disturbing, and mourning family feuds over the 'remains of the day,' so grim.
Such global, as well as deeply personal moments force us to confront what is the truth of a life? Is it the achievements, the awards, the resume? Or, is it best reflected in spontaneous, unguarded words, moments? Or, is the truth of a life demonstrated best in those dreams to which we give our hearts? Maybe all of the above.
From the events of late, we are challenged to address our own mortality, and the reminder that we can be called Home in the wink of an eye. We are shown our nature, as fellow human beings, to do better, to fail, to suffer our own failings, and to go on, and hopefully, grow if we are willing to live increasingly examined lives. The fact is that each new morning, if we are lucky enough to awaken, we get the gift of choice: to grab hold of our dream, and live it to the hilt, to become a better humanitarian than yesterday, and, in Jackson's words:
"...to make a better place for you and me,
And the entire human race..."
To do so, we must make an even bigger effort to see with that invisible eye that is our heart. As the great writer, Antoine de Saint-Exupery put it:
"...And, now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly: what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Prescription for Relief. Here's the good news: when we cannot tell fact from fiction, what we can do is (1) acknowledge our confusion, (2) be kind and patient to ourselves, (3) imagine ourselves taking a break from the gerbil wheel, (4) take a break, (5) leave room for the possibility that there's a bigger perspective than A or B, (6) Offer up the question: 'If there were a bigger truth in this situation that might be very useful, what might it be for me?' (7) Relax. As one book said: "There is a time for every season...and a purpose unto heaven..." Give it time. (9) Notice something new today that's very small and share it with someone else. Pay particular attention to something in front of your nose you've been too preoccupied to enjoy lately!
As always, I look forward to hearing from you: your perspective, thoughts, feelings, references, and how you are. I'll do my best to get back to you in as timely a way as I can! Blessings, Cara
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
I think a more real perspective is to start with oneself, and hope to set an example for those around us.
To get from a place of judging to a place of acceptance.. Even if the only person you improve is yourself, well that's a start. But most of us humans have a lot of work to do, to get through all the feelings, opinions, and pre-judgements that most of us hold..
Your analogy about your mouse's cursor was very clever; something we can all easily relate to, in our high-tech era, of constant keyboard multi-tasking and communication.
The greatest gift to us, is that you share this gift from within yourself, with all of us. It's not the first time that the words "thank-you" just don't seem like enough. But, please know, that you constantly touch many hearts.
Affectionately,
TanzaniteDiamonds
Fundamemtalists of all types, religious, business, you name it, share this fear. The more diverse society is, the harder it is for this type of person to endure; as a society we should try to find ways to help the rigid minds to adapt, not just for their sakes, but for our own.
"...What I had to learn is that different is not necessarily worse, and that I thinik is the crux of the matter. ..."
Ah, yes. Different is not necessarily worse at all, but merely different. Vive la difference! Of course, when our anxiety accelerates, this is another matter. Bless you for pointing out what is so true. I do grow from readers like yourself.
Come by again, won't you? Let me know how you are!
Joy to you,
Cara
Cara
ms
Blessings,
Cara
It's a group of angels standing on a playground taunting each other. Nyeh, Nyeh, I'm more evolved than you are". As a life long seeker of truth, I tried it all, from yoga teacher, meditation leader, to voyeur in Bible Belt churches.
Now in my near-dotage, I find the old words learned as a child like "love one another", "always tell the truth", heck, even the Girl Scout Promise still have great power. Putting Ego in the back seat, or out of the bus completely, and letting him take his pal Selfish with him, has helped me navigate all the winding roads right back to where I started. Simple, it seems, but what a schlep!
As Michaelangelo illustrated through his way of working, it took a great deal of discernment and skill development to know what to remove from the marble to leave us with his "David." You are a woman of Wisdom. Great sculpting!
Many thanks,
Cara
Two of the most joyous days of my life were separated by several years. I was able to spend several hours observing David. You are right, Michelangelo said that David was always in there, he just had to bring him out.
Separating the "wheat from the chaff" indeed.
Thank you for bringing back those wonderful memories.
marysandra
Blessings and gratitude out your way,
Cara
Gypsy
Come back again and let me know what's important to you, your process, and how you are doing.
Peace and joy,
Cara
This is a brilliant piece, thanks for holding the space for this dialogue.
Light and love!
Jason
Many, many wishes for all good things, and much joy your way,
Cara
The past few weeks probably aren't any crazier than the weeks before them, but for some reason the frenzy seemed relentless. Hey, what's more important, Sarah Palin's resignation or Michael Jackson's family troubles? Bernie Madoff's new digs or Governor Sanford's affair?
Much was made of Sonia Sotomayor's quote: "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life." I get what she meant, and most people that I know do. Of course, those that shall remain unnamed had to create drama around it, adding to the frenzy of the day.
When did wisdom become something to be feared? I know a lot of women that may not be ready for the Supreme Court, but they have this gift of (for lack of a better phrase) bullsh*t detecting. If we all gave voice to that, I'd be scared too, depending on who I was and what kind of "power" I wielded.
Love, Usedtobequiet
When did we become afraid of Wisdom????????????? Ah, I feel another blog coming on! Primo question, once again, from you. You enrich the experience so very much.
Love,
Cara
Usedtobequiet
What a great post! You continue to weave together the "remains of the day" each week in a way that helps it all make sense and puts a big exclamation mark with highlights around the parts we should pay particular attention to.
Not a surprise that we both managed to hit similar themes again, life and its fleeting nature and what to make of it all. Having spent some in the hospital this past week and home recovering, I gratefully disconnected from the news for a few days. Tuning back in, it was the same old, same old. I felt a note of sadness for us all, that we put so much stock in who said and did what, when.
And you so beautifully call our attention to the real matters at hand, how much do we love, how do we live? Those are the questions I'm inviting readers to ponder in my post this week, just around the corner: "Knowing I Will Die, How Then Shall I Live?" The question and the answers come with more urgency as the world continues to turn and the gerbil spins around the wheel.
Many thanks for your continued brilliance,
Judith
You matter Big-time. My love and prayers are with you.
Cara
And, while we're at it, goddess1871, know that I'm pulling for you and your dissertation. Let me know how your process goes. I have full confidence in you.
Blessings,
Cara
You said:
"The worst part, however, is that after we're sufficiently worn down from the challenge we didn't want on our plates, we begin to question what's fact, what's fiction"
One of the outcome is to lose trust in ourselves and in others when "reality" does not compute and over thinking really just deepens the muddle. Life is a series of gray areas that are sometimes really hard to navigate. This post is timely as an unwanted challenge was dropped on my plate (untangling my father's estate in a foreign country no less) and my resistance is so profound that it has taken me by surprise.
But dialoguing with one's heart always lights the way ...and this post encourages staying open to "more" -more courage, more wisdom, and more common sense. Thank-you.
Meanwhile, let's stay tuned to the heart. Yours is a magnificent instrument. Of this, I'm certain.
Love and support your way,
Cara
Love,
Cara
I have a story that your post reminds me of... belief..?
we were interviewed by a reporter for a British newspaper. We had written a book with contributions by Richard Gere, Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono, Deepak Chopra, HH the Dalai Lama and others.
The reporter asked if we were the guru of these people. I was said absolutely not... I am not a guru. The next day the paper ran the story and it was well advertised that we were the guru of Paul etc. it made me furious and I realized how the press can say whatever they want, They stretched the truth ... as they were in our book and so we were the guru.
I called Paul McCartney's personal assistant and said, "Geoff the press said I am Paul's guru." he replied great PR Ed ... what a relief
Ever since then I don't believe anything I read in the news ... if something as insignificant as this was printed and a lie ... what can I ever believe.
I got to realize that to believe is foolish better to know what is real!
LOL
Ed
Love to you and Deb,
Cara
I truly can't wait
Joyfully,
Ed
I found of particular help your remark: "As long as we believe that our perspective is the only correct lens, and all others must be flawed, we continue going in circles on that old gerbil wheel." I can be a pretty defensive person at times, which often has not served me well. My challenge is my reactiveness. Admitting there is probably more to a story does indeed help me relax. Accepting that there are un-knowables also helps.
Your comments inspire and touch me a great deal. Bless you. Come back for a visit. I'd love to get to know you, as, I'm sure, would these readers.
All the best,
Cara