Schlepping my suitcases down the long flight of stairs, across the oak wooden floor to the front door, I notice the kitchen clock. It reads 5:27 a.m, so early, the wrens are barely awake. Beyond the bank of windows looking out into my secret garden, one brave feathered friend beats the rest to the shower, dipping into the fountain behind the blue hydrangeas, and begins to sing.
Meanwhile, outside, on our driveway an unknown taxi driver waits. "Just leave the bags there, please, madam. Leave it to me. I will take care of everything for you. No worries. My name is Joey." He's a saint. Just "what the doctor ordered" after a challenging week of tying up ends before leaving. You know the situation, yes? After a pretty sleep-impaired night with worries that I'd overlook my 4 a.m. alarm, I can use all the help heaven or earth might bring my way.
"Beautiful garden," says Joey. "That first rose is a beauty." Pointing to my Peace Rose, the first of its kin to make it into bloom, (my favorite of the species), I pause to smell her. Pure perfume, so deep, I want to shove my nose down into the nectar, in order to memorize the moment. I'm big on memorizing moments.
"I'm happy to wait if you want to double-check anything inside," he says. Grabbing the opportunity, I return inside to check all burners off, turn down the heat and secure the back door. As I do so, I catch, from the corner of my eye a sentence I'd scribbled down the night before, by the phone:
"When its over
I want to say
All my life
I was a bride
Married to amazement."
Mary Oliver, from "When Death Comes"
"Married to amazement," I muse, locking the door. What could this mean for me, today? The whole notion of moving from one airport to the next, brings many things to mind, like security lines and waiting, but amazement? All I know is that I'd love to have amazement as my travel companion. When you are amazed, there is aliveness, love unfolding, life itself.
I needn't wait long. Driving down State Street, toward Lake Washington, inching to 405 Interstate, amazement makes its appearance. Commenting on Joey's impressive attitude of service, I ask him who modeled this quality for him. His parents? His grandparents? A teacher? Joey smiles. "I can't tell you for sure. I just love what I do!" To "what do you love about it," Joey answered: "This is my dream. My friends say I should have a bigger dream. But, this is my dream. I love taking good care of people. I love taking them places. I especially love taking them where they need to go, and they don't have to worry, because I do my best. That's my most important dream: to do my very best every day."
Turns out that 24-year-old Joey hails from New Delhi, and came to this country with his family in 1991, when he was 15. "We left everything in India and came to Los Angeles. It was very hard there, and some people we met were mean. We did not want to make a new life on such soil. So, we took a Greyhound bus to Seattle, and stayed for a while with a family. Their daughter helped me find a little job, and learn to drive. Where I come from, it doesn't go well for girls. So, since my mother and father had to find jobs because we had nothing, I decided to find a job, too, help out, and encourage my sister to go to school instead of me. She couldn't have done that back in India.
"After one year, I saved enough to help my family. My father, by then, had a good job as a clerk at Seven Eleven. I went to school and got all A's, so then, in a few more years, had four scholarships offered me. I graduated from college, and knew I wanted to help. I thought how that daughter was so kind to my family, and encouraged me to drive, and helped us, even though she didn't have to, so this is what I wanted to do for others, in little ways, helping their life be better. This is the job I love so much, and my customers call me again and again. They are my boss, and I am my boss of doing my best."
Before I knew it, time had flown, and I was asking for Joey's card, so he could meet me at the airport on my return. Overhead, a rainbow now replaced the early morning rain. Amazing. Mary Oliver's lines came back to me.
"When its over
I want to say
All my life
I was a bride
Married to amazement."
The next day, I met Fiona, that sort of old soul who just restores your faith in humanity, despite the evening news. Coming out of the restroom stall in a New York hotel, I met an old Italian woman, maybe in her early 80's, with a face so wrinkled you could barely make out her chocolate brown eyes from the well-tanned leathery skin surrounding them. Somehow, they corresponded to her dropping stockings atop her tennis shoes. Meticulously folding a paper towel, Fiona began to wipe the splats and spills of water other women had left behind on the counter top surrounding the basins.
Her intentional, graceful movements were mesmerizing. "Do you ever get tired of cleaning up after other people?" I asked. "Oh, no, my dear," said Fiona, wiping her age-spotted, tiny hands on crisp white apron over her black uniform. "I'm so lucky to have a job! People just get in a hurry, that's all. I can help them out, by doing what they would do if they had the time. I like cleaning. I'm a good cleaner. My apartment is clean, too. Maybe not like when I was younger. I can't see so good these days." Later that day, when I returned, Fiona was well at work, this time dabbing at a rather worn little brown stuffed bear, with soap and then water, after which, she held the toy under the dryer patiently.
To my question of what happened, Fiona offered: "Someone left this in the stall. You know how children are with their little friends. I don't want the little girl to have a dirty bear to hug. My great grandson lives in Sicily. I've never hugged him. Too old to go back home. So, this child's my great grandbaby, too. We must love them. They belong to all of us." As I left, Fiona continued drying the damp fur, section by section.
Amazing. As I walked out of the Ladies Room, I recalled that poster found in Mother Teresa's room with a poem on it, one apparently written by someone for their graduation. One of the lines came back to me which describes the sort of love -- alive and well -- in people like Fiona, Joey, and, I suspect, you, as well. It goes:
"...The good you do today will be forgotten by tomorrow.
Do good, anyway...."
It resonates, for me, with Mary Oliver's wish. In our world, with so much bad news and disappointment, it is easy to let our inner predators convince us that love is dead, and kindness, out-dated. Don't you believe them! Let's not join one more person crying the "ain't it awful" dirge.
The question is, are we willing to 'do good anyway?' Are we willing to take time to remember that it is possible to draw a Greater Love through our wounds into our daily work, in little ways? Are we open to find amazing love alive in our world? Are we leaving love's legacy behind in our finger and footprints today the way we'd most like?
To be continued....
What is the legacy you want to leave behind? What are the simple acts you've observed that have touched your heart, and reminded you of the imperative of keeping love alive? I'm listening! Thanks for passing this along to your crew! Love, Cara
To save time, click on "Become A Fan." For more, contact me at dr.carabarker@gmail.com, carabarker.net, and join "The Love Project." Coming soon: a time-tested program: "Coming Home to You," "The Art of Authenticity," "The Next Step" and others; and this summer: a teleconference series culled from your requests and comments.
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
No small wonder that I am one of your biggest fans, Eli, You are, in my book, a heartfelt responder, and heartfelt live-r of Life. Receiving love in the form it is delivered is a biggie, indeed. So big, that I've been mulling the thing for years in endless ways, on numberless levels. For people like you, obviously bigtime in the giving department, receiving, trusting, and letting go of our expectations is a mighty tall Trust Walk to the Freedom Way. Letting go of our idea for a relationship is Trust Walk Time, indeed. I've had my own share.
Perhaps that is why crossing paths with a 'Sister', a kindred Spirit like you is such a blessing. No fantasy, agenda free, pure blessing.
May joy find you a willing recipient, May Love knock on the door to your heart in Endless Ways.
Much love and gratitude,
Cara
P.S. Many thanks for taking the time to drop by, Eli. It means a lot.
Amen,
Eli Davidson
"Do the best you can, and have loving as the keynote of your existence. "
- John-Roger
A blessed weekend your way,
Cara
Joey's family moved to L.A. from New Delhi but there were too many mean people there. So they left there as well and landed in a more pleasant place and met and were helped by good people. They had the courage to seek a better life for their family and when that dream seemed to pall, they made another attempt.where success finally greeted them. They are the type who get it.
Awe, wonder and amazement are so frequently tossed about that they have lost their meaning. Yet they are still the best terms to describe the feeling when one realizes who they are in the universe. I'd like to read your viewpoint on the Desiderata line we've touched upon previously. ...child of the universe...
I'm smiling at you
little brother
I just glanced again at your response to 'How Alive Is Your Love?' and noticed that my response to yours is not here. Stranger than strange. Must be Mercury in retrograde, still?!
Let me just say that not only are Joey and his family "the type who get it," but so are you! Piggy-backing on your words, I am left with awe, wonder and amazement with the way you stitch the meaningful together. There are over-used, tossed about words, and there are people of good deeds. You are one of the latter, in my experience, one of the pages on which Desiderata's wrote.
Bless you. A wonderful Memorial Day to you and yours,
Cara
P.S. Apologies that my earlier response to you last week seems to have vanished.
You're awesome wonderful and I don't know my astrology but it feels like Venus is rising and Mars is ready for a freakin vacation.
Have a wonderful Memorial Day.
little brother
The really beautiful thing, you beauty, you, is that your legacy already lives. With each and every comment you share, it is abundantly clear to me that your mother heart is vibrant, ever sharing, inspiring, ever-grateful. I can't think of a better example of a mothering legacy than the one you've not only created, but seems to have sprouted from a compelling interior vision. My hat's off to you, my heart always open and grateful for the way you 'show up' in our world. No wonder I'm one of your fans!
Wonderment your way, feyangel!
Cara
Love,
Cara
"Do the best you can, and have loving as the keynote of your existence."
- John-Roger
What is the legacy you want to leave behind? I came - maried Deb - I served I loved I did my best!
What are the simple acts you've observed that have touched your heart, and reminded you of the imperative of keeping love alive? Every moment is a wonder! night and day - all of it- all is amazing!
Joyfully, Ed
By the way, I didn't forget the proposal, or deadline. I guess all good things in their own good time...i.e. 'I did my best.'
Loving you bigtime, my friends,
Cara
In a powerful article, you revealed the source of a lot of unhappiness. It was inspiring that the young man had a healthy attitude toward his father's and his work, and that he drove a taxi to help people and to help his family. And he found dignity in it.
I loved your article, and found this anecdote thought provoking and encouraging. I could use exercising a little of that positive approach in my own life.
Please keep the posts coming. I read frequently tho rarely comment.
May your response keep coming, my friend! Either way, I appreciate you immensely,
Cara
Here's a little mantra I recite,
May all beings be well and happy.
May they all be free from sufferrings,
may they grow in Bodhi Heart
and Bodhi Wisdom.
See things as they are,
the thusness of things.
Realize the Four Noble Truth,
practice the Eight Noble Path
and attain to nirvana.
Peace and appreciation out your way,
Cara
This is the second time in 3 days that quote from Mary Oliver has met my eyes, hmm...
I had 2 heartfelt encounters recently which touched and amazed me. I met the gaze of a stranger - a man - we didn't say anything much yet his bloodshot eyes spoke volumes about his exhaustion on every level. Our eyes met and held in a non-threatening way and he just sort of dove in looking for what I don't know, and I let him.
A silence descended around us and when it lifted, he was much calmer and subdued. Something good happened there I think.
The next one was those "free hugs" groups. everyone was ignoring the group of 3 and the only girl teen in the group literally had her arms open but I could tell she needed it too, so I stepped in and gave her a good squeeze.
I felt the heat of our heart to heart connection in my chest! After that the 2 boys wanted hugs too, haha ha. They were very sweet.
We're all a kaleidoscope and when we discount words, habits, personalities peoples Selves shine through.
Thanks so much for this delicious post!
Catherine
No small wonder why I'm one of YOUR fans! You are of the Joey/Fiona Tribe.
Stepping out,
opening wide,
allowing in,
meeting,
greeting,
honoring,
holding,
relishing,
loving:
this is your middle name, Catherine. I am so, so grateful you are in my world. You truly are the LifeChangeStartsHere Girl!
Looking forward to your next goodie.
As ever
Catherine
Thanks Dr. cara !
Where did you learn this way of being? Who modeled the importance of responding, and using your voice?
Do come by again. We are all enriched for it.
Love your way,
Cara
Your gift of observation of everyday humanity is part of what makes you destined to be a therapist. Also your clear open heart, joyful spirit and non-judgement is the key that unlocks perfect strangers to open up to you like they have known you for years!
Read like a lovely glass of wine. I find those moments of sweet humanity to stay with me for a very long time. This weekend my husband and I took our 6 year old twins to see their "Big" brother, who is 33 and just moved to Brooklyn. My little ones had a great time in a busy urban neighborhood and made them both feel so good when they innocently declared, "We want to move to Brooklyn too!"
~K
How easy to imagine your twins, and their Wisdom. What a fine mama you are, my girl.
I'm adoring you from here, Kari,
Cara
It takes a special amount of energy to respond to these blogs, especially when we're not feeling at the 'top of our game.' And that is why I am especially grateful for your reply.
Drop by again, won't you? Let me know how you are doing.
All good things,
Cara
This article is so beautiful. I am truly amazed! Such amazement drives me to passionately ask for your permission that I translate it into Chinese and put it in my blog to share with my viewers (most of them are Homeward Bound graduates, whom I'm sure miss you greatly!)
Much Love, Jesse from Taipei
Love, peace and blessings,
Cara
Thanks and I've done so. It maybe hard for you to read, but I am referring my blog here so that you'll get a feel of what it's like. In my blog, titled "My life as my mirror", where I write my growing experience on daily basis, a promise I made to myself for 2010, kind of being inspired by the movie "Julie & Julia". The day before, I shared with my learning listening to your "The Love Project" CD and also introduced your website there to Taiwan family.
http://www.yes40something.blogspot.com/ or
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/Resetting
Now your blog on HP was also ormally introduced to them. You are heaven sent with so much to offer!
Love you, love you, love you! Jesse
What a sublime treat to read your post this morning. The stories you tell warm my heart. Amazing Such a good word. What a word to wake up to today. Amazing. Life truly is that way.
And the amazing is in those stories of service and love, enacted in the most ordinary of ways. They inspire me and put my mind to peace.
I so love what Judith and you are writing about these days. The simple, remarkable humanness that
transcends the woe and newstime dirges.
The poor monkey has been associated with the fickle mind. But there is also the 100th Monkey Syndrome. Imagine how more and more ordinary people get to do what they do for the joy and love of it. Here we are talking transformation. I have just finished reading a sweet book: Alex and Me about a talking parrot. The book shows how we are much more "at one with" all living creatures than we have been appreciating.
I am now off to meditate on "Amazing".
With love and appreciation to you,
Anne
How are you, Anne? Looks like your latest read is a winner. I'll check it out.
Many thanks for your encouraging words, and love,
Cara
Love your way,
Cara
Love again,
C