"Sorry to mess up your chair," she said, sweating. "I've been going 90 miles per hour." Can you relate? From our own personal experience to the gravitational shifts that scientists say will culminate in December this year, there's increasing evidence that we are living in a world that is speeding up. Who hasn't noticed? Whether you can relate or not, you know someone who can.
What are we doing to ourselves? We tell ourselves all sorts of stories. We con ourselves, as a culture, into believing that we must push, fret and be vigilant about the future. It is a lie that's bad for our health. Life is impermanent, but we pretend that it's not. In spite of time on the meditation cushion, it is all too easy to get caught up in the craziness of rushing and consumerism. One of the biggest bugaboos is the notion that we are our collections, our things, our lifestyle, our circumstances.
Perhaps this is what makes a story like Tom Shadyac's so refreshing. In his magnificent documentary "I Am," we witness the liberating process of surrendering to the inevitable challenge for each of us: shedding. As Meister Eckhart put it centuries ago, "God strips us of our props."
There's been a lot of stripping going around these past 10 years. Change is accelerating. Regardless of whether you're feeling the strip search in your wallet, career, health, relationships or self-confidence, it's happening everywhere. All we need to do is recall what is happening in Japan, Libya and elsewhere to note the toxic fumes of the unexpected, and the dire necessity of scaling back expectations.
In what seems incapacitating, we are left to recover the essential. Just the other day a 40-ish woman told me, "I assumed my kids would go to college, and that my folks would be around to see it. Now my dad has Alzheimers, and my mom was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer. We have spent the money in our retirement fund just to pay the bills since we both lost our jobs nearly two years ago. Everything is 'up for grabs.' Go figure. You think you are being responsible and then the unexpected happens."
Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun, puts it this way: "The only time we ever know what's really going on is when the rug is pulled out and we can't find anywhere to land." Well, my friends, in this global rug pull-out, we've got more and more places to land.
May we land on our feet. May we be patient with ourselves as we learn to walk again. (Trust me. I know about this one, quite literally.) Like Shadyac, we have before us the opportunity for scrutiny, and the opportunity to ask, "What is wrong with my world, and what, specifically, will make it right?" May we remember that we are not our circumstances, our conditions, our doubts, our fears. May we take the necessary steps to remember who we are below our anxiety.
When you've been running too hot and heavy, sometimes the only thing to be done is to put yourself in time out -- not as a self-imposed punishment, but as a form of self-imposed compassion and respect for the fact that the psyche was not built for such chronic stress and strain. Sure, there is a price tag. When I recently took a bit of time off to simply be, I was more than aware that this meant no pay (the other side of the coin when you are self-employed). When you take yourself temporarily out of the game, there's sacrifice. But if you don't take yourself out of it when you need to, the price is even greater. Maybe your recess is for five minutes, an hour, a day, a week, a month, a season, a year. Maybe it's for 60 seconds. But wherever you are, no matter how important your ego might need you to be, you are not so big that the world cannot continue on its axis while you hop off the merry-go-round to reconnect with the essential.
This is the gift of stripping away the excess, even if only for a moment or two. Because when you do, you discover that you, too, are hard-wired for connection, collaboration, creation of a better world. Look at nature: no rush there. The apple tree outside takes the seasons required to flower before producing its fruit. The meadow lark takes her time to gather the requisite twigs from the forest in order to build her nest. Even when completed, she allows her eggs to hatch on their own schedule, not hers. She trusts the process.
What about you and I? What if you had more trust in the possibility that what you are seeking is seeking you? What if you had the courage to trust that what is being stripped away in your life, and in the world's, is necessary for a greater sense of collaboration, awakening and harvesting? What if we accepted that life is impermanent, and that what must be lost in order to be found?
Tonight, no matter where you live, go outside. Move amongst the elements. If the moon and stars are out, note their splendor. If they aren't, lay down the burden you've been carrying and simply breathe in and out, for free. Imagine laying down your troubles so that you are free to dream again. Imagine what it means to be free, to live joyfully, wholeheartedly, free to dance again beneath the moon, for no particular reason other than the fact that you can and are still here. When you do, know that I am dancing beneath Mother Moon as well, thanking my lucky stars that the two of us are together, in this moment, neighbors sharing the same ground and sky. I am so grateful that we are not alone.
Your turn: What helps you relax, de-stress and slow down? What helps you remember what's most essential? What is dearest to your heart when you take the time to simply be? I'm listening, and I'm learning from you, my teachers.
For more, see carabarker.net. For updates, contact me at carabarker.net or dr.carabarker@gmail. To receive email notices when I post new blogs on The Huffington Post, click "Fan" at the top of this page. Stay tuned for upcoming developments with The Love Project, including "Practicing Love." Follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker.
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
Mark Goulston, M.D.: How to De-Stress in 7 Steps
Owen Flanagan, Ph.D.: Bourgeois Buddhists: Do Americans Miss the Point of Buddhism?
Life is about movement and experiencing, not sitting at a computer or desk all day long. So, I say get out and enjoy the sun, the moon, the splashing of waves, the rushing of a waterfall, the sounds of raindrops, and the laughter of children playing.
Okay, my turn to get up off this computer and get out........
Many things have been mentioned that help me relax and slow down. Looking up to the sky almost always does it. We now have a dryer, and it's great to own one when the weather's wet and cold. (Wish it WOULD be wet, though; Arizona's drought continues.) But I will always keep a clothesline for when the weather is nice, because hanging laundry gives me such a wonderful excuse to get out and look at the sky.
I was getting clothes off the line last evening a bit after sunset. A breezy dry day, perfect drying weather. Watching the birds dealing with the rather frisky breezes, it occurred to me that they were SURFING the wind. You know how surfers will go up the face of a wave, then turn and swoop down? The birds were doing this, but with even more freedom. Their movements in response to the wind made the movement of the air as apparent, as visible, as the waves of the ocean. It was beautiful.
I am no lover of housework (as a glance at our place would demonstrate!), but it's lovely when a common household task can give you refreshment of spirit.
The mere suggestion of your clothesline, and that fresh scent of clean laundry in the breeze transports my senses back to the earliest days of childhood, and ease. They still do. I'm with you. Although I have no clothesline here, I did watch teh starlings yesterday in the afternoon, in their wave-like flight pattern, and, as you say, they were surely 'surfing the wind.' I love how you paint the image. Beautiful. As for those household tasks, I am so grateful WHEN I remember to practice the Zen of it even here. I'm afraid there is room for improvement for Moi along these lines some days.
You never fail, writerkate, to refresh my Spirit with your own. Much loving gratitude your way,
Cara
I'd love to see the movie on the big screen, but it's been several years since I've actually seen a movie in a theater. Between the need to drive about forty miles to the nearest theater, and the cost of tickets and gas and so forth, it always winds up easier to wait for it as a rental. But small screen's far better than NO-screen! Of course, I'm not sure what I'll do about all those 3-D movies I'd like to see...
@viasammilaw and/or sammilaw.asia
Joy to you, my friend,
Cara
Part of me would rather be back in time absorbing the early morning rays as I squatted on that ledge high above Lake Shoshone. I remember loosening my grip on the night’s chill, as the sun’s rays increasingly soothed me.
For the last few days, I have been sprinkling breadcrumbs in the tempestuous torrents of Twitter. What a world! A new world to move in and watch ripples expand. Another exploration launched with only a modicum of comprehension and little concern for where my feet will be tomorrow. Trudging a fresh wilderness.
I have some confusion about the term “social networking”. No matter. I’ve talked to the trees ….
Maybe the word “social” changed meaning when I wasn’t being attentive. Admittedly, I have frequently looked away.
My cyber socializing has prompted more meditation; not longer sessions just more frequent. Upon awaking, after breakfast, once the bamboo is split – in the tepid red bin, later in the cool water of my float tank – after the saw has been dusted and retired, between sentences, at the end of paragraphs, before my afternoon snack of mangos with sticky rice and when the bowl is empty, as I absorb the gist of WiFi signals, after my evening shower and while I await the conclusion of my wife’s day.
w/ media http://gemsviathailand.com/tidbit-s/
At any rate, 'as I was saying,' your way of using language is amazing. You have the most remarkable gift of going through the radar of the monkey mind, and penetrating into the center of All, where healing dwells, with its mysterious way of connecting in the Stillness. Your imagery, frankly, is so soothing for me in such a hi-tech world, where, too often, the Soul is overlooked, dismissed. So, my friend, that 'warm pat of butter looking at half a loaf of steaming bread, the squat on that ledge, the sprinkling of breadcrumbs"....these references and portraits paint a world that is more than renewing as those mangos, sticky rice, and empty bowl. Ummmm.
Refreshment your way, and to your wife, as well,
Cara
As for those socks, here a clip from Tidbit(s) dated March 16 -This morning my feet are cold. I finally decided to put on long pants and socks.
I went to the sock drawer. There were my favorites. A special hiking design, so nice and cushiony and warm – three of them.
My first reaction was, “That’s sad!” Then I remembered that socks just run away sometimes and that’s the way it is. Then I was grateful and a small wave of compunction dampened my pettiness; and I was appreciative of that remorse.
You're singing my song. It's recently dawned on my that I've taken up a new calling, quite by accident. It seems that a corollary to "be more kind" is "really listen to people". I've been hearing people tell me about their job success or level of education or how many friends they have but mostly what awesomely stupendous stuff they have. I wonder if some people live their lives just so they can sound impressive? And I wonder as well if they think they have to sound impressive just to get anyone to listen to them. If so, that's got to be a difficult way to live. simplify, and when you're done with that, take the next step. simplify again.
simply yours,
little brother
Let's begin with 'simply yours.' Ah, honey for the soul, these words, and what's behind them bring. You know, when I hear and overhear people discussing what you describe, more times than naught, I hear a 'gospel of despair.' What a marvelous way to remind myself that what matters is never in the collections, but in the simplicity of immersion in the moment.
Simply yours, through love,
Cara
P.S. Have a blessed weekend, my friend.
Cara
Today I know what stress does to our bodies and our minds and at times I don't even care though I continued to meditate and go for lots of long walks just going nowhere but going where my feet took me. I think meditation and long walks along with my deep Buddhist practice got me through the roughest time though I admit it was a struggle at times.
Today I'm expert at stress relief in the garden, friends, yoga and just letting go which is a great relief. Slowing down and letting go.
If we don't think that stress is a factor in our lives, all we have to do is look around at people scurrying about with a frenzy, the worry of all the lovely faces. One can only hope they learn that after a while stress rules their lives and they've lost control and when that happens it takes a huge struggle to get back on the track.
Cara
Yes, I do believe you are absolutely correct about those zones in which stress hardly matters. There, our focus is on other things.
Slowing down, and letting go, is surely the 'ticket,' for those on the path as are you and I. What I love, in addition to this 'walk,' is the knowing there is such splendid companionship. Well done, mssreader, beautifully lived and expressed.
Love your way,
Cara
I am simply laughing with relish. Yes, my dear, long live the king. Long live the queen. To life, and all that it brings.
to you, my thanks,
Cara
All good things be with you, Evalee,
Cara
Your name is quite beautiful. Is there a story behind it?
Be assured it is, most definately,not just you! You must be quite attuned to what world reknown biologist, Rupert Sheldrake has called 'morphogenetic field,' meaning that which is beyond form that has to do with life force of which we are all a part and connected. That you are slowing down your pace is quite a courageous act in itself, which I applaud. Moving toward the natural pace, the organic way is the way through what faces us. As for acceptance, I do believe this and self-compassion may well be the starting point to creating that peace of mind you describe so poignantly.
All praise and natural blessings your way. Much appreciation for coming by. In so doing, you are making a difference here, I assure you.
Cara
"There is nothing I am quite sure about. I have no definite convictions -- not about anything, really. I know only that I was born and exist, and it seems to me that I have been carried along. I exist on the foundation of something I do not know. In spite of all uncertainties, I feel a solidarity underlying all existence and a continuity in my mode of being."
I am not a student of Jung or anything other than life. I see what works and what doesn't; like the trees do, I live by the seasons and what they may bring. I will check out QYD, blessings to you both.
Cheers!
Kathleen
Hugs your way,
Cara
Have a weekend of whatever delights your heart in the moment!
Just reading BeautyAmerican's piece above, I thought of you. I sense the two of you would relate. And, here you are! What a grand reminder we are One. For the record, I highly rec. that readers check out your QuintessentialYouDesign.com. Your radiance is showing through your authenticity.
How grateful I am that you are a bright and shining example of trusting your own natural process.
Peace, blessings, love and joy your way,
Cara
Thank you so very much for your endorsement of QYD.
As for trusting one's own natural process, ultimately we must - unequivocably - because after all, it is the only process we have whether we choose to know it consciously or not.
How about coffee sometime? ;)
Cheers!
Kathleen
Phoebe Snow was a fabulous singer/songwriter, but (not widely known) who just passed away. Take a moment to listen and you will hear a voice that cradles grief and discomfort.
Phoebe Snow - "Something Real (Original Version)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e27G_aLCKM
Phoebe Snow~Poetry Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OxTVxGhHFM&feature=related
Cara
I heard an interview that NPR had done with Phoebe the other day. A beautiful talent and a beautiful gone all too soon.
I have little trouble with stress and anxiety; I believe it is because I know my purpose and have found my passion. Or, maybe I have become aware of what living in the moment means and its effect on my future. Or, maybe my reading and writing are simply mechanisms that serve to defray my concerns. Or maybe the total amount of “stuff” that has happened over the last few years have braced me against negative reactions… I don’t know.
I do know as I walk about my yard and garden, looking over the diversity of flora and fauna I'm filled with appreciation. I do know that I derive value from working hard toward a goal, and even subject to starts, stops, and detours, the effort is where the true benefit lies. I do know that set-backs are often less serious than initially perceived, and that what emerges from them can be better. I do on occasion feel fatigued, but at the same time invigorated by whatever process engaged me.
I guess the way I look at it is, doing hard things is less stressful than hardly doing things, so relaxation for me is more about being involved and less about the opposite.
When I think of relaxation, the old saying, “Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.” makes me realize the former is always preferable to the latter: I relax by doing something I love… like now :)
Love and appreciation!
Lawson
I know. The fact is that without words, but through who you are, your purpose and passion are showing. For me, they are deeply connected with the way you live in the moment, the way you embrace what is before you, the way you connect with what is, the way you raise and praise when needed, the way you bridge one soul to another, the way you have your place of belonging in the natural world. You are a kindred soul. My, G., you have a way of translating what is within into words and forms that are healing nearly all the time. In fact, you have no idea of just how timely your words are after my little jaunt to the doc's office this morning in the aftermath of that surgery last summer, still dealing with the consequences to my non-surgical foot/calf. It is a never-ending opportunity to find peace through all conditions, for sure.
So, so much love and gratitude your way, Lawson. May joy rain down on you, may laughter rise up to meet you,
Cara
Gratitude is palliative for both parties when revealed in the light of truth. “Peace through all conditions” is more about you and less about the condition. The burdens and baggage of the day are of our own choosing, not the fact thereof, for that there may be little control, but how they are carried, which comes from deep within our soul. My gratitude extends to you for your influence and teaching: my words are the confluence of many, and yours are at the top of the list.
In each moment there is choice, for as with the Ouroborus, there is always an end to things, but that end is a beginning, a new creation, a new approach, a new attitude, a new opportunity for us to choose well and thereby gain wisdom, healing, and rejuvenation.
May the only clouds in your life be filled with the mist of mirth and crystals of happiness! :)
Lawson
PS: I don’t know about your leg situation, but I wish for you continued ease and pleasure in the walking.
Love,
Cara
I don`t have an answer to that. But what I can do is, stay away from this incessant media frenzy , even fo a moment, open the door and listen to the sounds of pouring rain, and then turn on the lovely music to soothe my soul at least for tonight..
It is still a beautiful world with you in there Cara, and Good Night with LOVE....Gypsy
As long as our country is split in win/lose games, we know that we are surely split, we are surely lost, for we remain disconnected from where true guidance lives. But, if we do what we must to return within, and relocate the deepest Truth, then the Way to advancement of humankind is possible and urged.
How wise you are to turn off the noise, re-enter the elemental, renew and restore what needs regeneration.
I am with you, in the sadness, and in the awareness that it is time to return to what really matters and renews.
Peace and restoration be with you,
Cara
Sweet dreams.
To you , soulful vocals of Aaron Nenille ( Randy Newman), he is my favotite. With all the downpour and tornedos and destruction, music helps to regenerate out souls.
http://youtu.be/lkZYbQbdPyE
I'm please you used the word "restoration". I must remember that word through out this spring and beyond.
I went out to the meadow earlier this week and cut wildflowers and I felt like that young girls who roamed my parent's fields and practiced my modern dance movements. Time to learn to dance in the rain!
Bless you my dear friend.
Thich Nhat Hanh calls it toxic poisoning!
You know mssreader, friends like E left for the right reasons, some dear friend of mine used to say ~electronic toxicity ~ the game and play goes around in here, he has also left the site since then. Then there is the real world we face day in and day out.
I get my sustenance from music, then sometimes it is not enough.
By the way, where is Meg ? I miss her blog in here although I do receive her monthly newsletter, perhaps I should connect with her through her blog. Hugs..