Learning To Go With The Flow: What Ted Kennedy, Michael Jackson, And The Buddha Have To Teach Us About Resistance

Just putting the names Ted Kennedy, Michael Jackson, and Buddha in the same title might seem like quite a tossed salad. In a way, it's true. And, yet, I wonder. Each and every day we face a kaleidoscopic set of stories in the news. You'd think they're unrelated. Maybe they are. I know that in the early days of having a private practice, I assumed each person's story was separate. The funny thing is that, over the years, more often than not, I've noted that each day seems to bring a particular, unifying theme throughout the sessions, if I am really listening, noticing. We are not as different as we might think, after all. We are related in this world, including to the natural world.

Listening to the lapping of the waves before me, on the shores of Puget Sound, one thing is clear; there is a rhythm to life that cannot be denied. When it is, we get ourselves in a heap of trouble. Take Mother Nature: everywhere, a teaching. The water does not stay in a steady state. Continuously, it dances in and out. Like our heart, it expands, contracts. And with each new expansion toward the beach, the tide brings us some new shipment. Around a year ago, it brought a dead seal. Last week, she brought a tire from who-knows-where. Two days ago, we saw the remnants of a white gate. We might not be able to know its source, nor the mystery surrounding its arrival, but, be assured treasure trove of shells, and seagull feathers. We just don't know what's coming next. All we do know is something is coming.

Not unlike the news. I don't know about you, but sometimes the daily news seems such a hodge-podge of bits and pieces, that's its hard to know just what is the take-away. I am, however, a believer that the news contains tidbits that we can use, if, that is, we want to do better than yesterday, and, dare I say it, have a better time.

Today's Remnant of News to Use. Let's take a gander at today's news shipment. In one column, we have commentary about Edward Kennedy's passing, burial, legacy. In another, there's continuing speculation about Michael Jackson's homicide, right next to predictions regarding this bugaboo healthcare reform debate. The list goes on. Throughout each story there is, however a common theme: resistance. Stories present one position, as though it were the gospel, unwavering, static. What is it that makes resistance to 'what is' so commonplace? What price tag do we pay for it?

"What we humans are unaware of in our moment-to-moment existence is a constant, incessant resistance to life...We are displaced people wandering aimlessly in the desert of our minds...Resistance keeps us in a constant state of anxiety, and spiritual, mental, physical, financial and material impoverishment...." - Dr. Hew Len

The Problem with Resistance. Resisting life's flow creates rigidity, diminishes our experience of life, wears out our bodies, minds and Spirits, and pushes opportunity from our door. As long as I stay stuck in "ain't it awful," I retract from life, move against a natural, healing way to be in the world. This holds us small. I recall how filled with judgment I was when Ted Kennedy fled the scene of Mary Jo's death by drowning. Not only because, back then, I was not on the same side of the political aisle as he, but, because, as a much younger woman, I was incensed about the "old boy's club," and how they seemed to get away with murder so much of the time, at the cost of so many. It was easier for me to judge than receive what had happened without my own spin. Of course becoming really open is scary business. Take Michael Jackson's story, for instance. Apart from his music, his story has been an opportunity for resistance and judgments to show up, if ever there was one. It is easier to resist than let ourselves imagine the suffering of another human being. It's easier to stay apart, than enter.

Fortunately, both men kept on keepin' on. Despite commentary, criticism, and speculation, they stayed true to their calling. They found something bigger than their own demons in which to pour their vitality, their passion, and yes, their service, albeit completely different forms. What cannot be denied is that each man loved what they were giving, demonstrating the importance of cleaving to a cause, until there was not one drop left of life. I suspect it would have been far easier for either of them to get distracted by other's opinions, tempting a permanent retraction from life, grow bitter, and justify hiding their own light. We each know characters beyond those in Charles Dicken's works who go through life like this. In a completely different context, the marvelous writer, Eudora Welty, put it this way: "What animates and posseses...is the love of (their) art and the love of giving it, the desire to give it until there is no more left...."

The Buddha enjoined us to let go of illusion, to release our sticky thinking, our shempa. In short, he reminds us, as all the great teachers, to go with the flow, to grow, to find compassion where the justification for it seems missing. Michael Beckwith might put it this way: "Bless the mess." Let us do likewise. Let us look at whatever our demons might be, and forgive ourselves, be kinder to ourselves. Let us accept our mistakes, our blunders, our struggles, and return our awareness to the moment. Let us become like the tide; breathing in, breathing out, touching the edges of the new shore before us, letting go what we leave behind. Let us bury what is gone, and enter our new edge.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France

I'd love to hear your story of learning to go with the flow. What's helped you release resistance, when it was in your way? What's your greatest challenge these days with it? I'm listening. When I return to town, I promise to read each of your words in the archives and respond, as well as enjoy your "conversation" with each other! To create some ease, you might want to click onto 'Become a Fan' at the top of the page. Please do share this on your Facebook pages with the new HP social news, as well as Twitter. Blessings, Cara

Comments

[Gnrshrtd]

I read your article a few days ago and had to put it down - couldn't wrap my head around it. When I picked it up today, I googled your reference to Dr. Hew Len, read an interview, and saw my block: How do we learn from the past if we turn our backs to it? Which, of course, is not the point, but rather getting to clarity. I bookmarked that interview so I can find it in future.

I recently read or heard that memories naturally change over time - that our emotional and mental state at the time of memory recall gets attached to the memory, and the amalgam replaces the original memory. Such is the nature of memory, and the judgments we make based on memory.

A wise woman once suggested to me that an anger (resistance?) I had carried for years might actually be a pain - which was based on a memory of a guess about someone else's motivation. I didn't feel she was attacking me - I felt relief.

Thanks for helping me recall that memory today. (Pardon the Paradox)

[My original comment disappeared (I can be clumsy), I hope this is not a re-post]

[IrishgirlsUSA]

I know that we were completely overwhelmed with Michael Jackson and Ted Kennedy coverage this past month, but one thing this overexposure brought us was the opportunity to give these two men a new label. We already knew about the pedophile and cowardly man-slaughterer labels now we got the chance to add a few more to their name - brilliant entertaine­r/dancer/c­horeograph­er and civil rights crusader/ dogged legislator/ family kingpin etc. We also got plenty of dirty laundry labels too - drug addict/ strange lifestyle & relationships and boozer/wom­anizer/old boys club etc. I am glad that I got the chance to see the bigger picture of the lives of these two very complex men.

[Tulka2]

Meditation is key, no matter what it's called. My mother calls it her nightly hot bath, just for instance.

So much is bought and sold in this culture that the saddest thing is to see people think the quiet watching space inside is something they must "learn" instead of the truth of it which is it is recognized.

I see people's face crumple and they turn from facing any news head-on. They seem so fragile and over stimulated. Welcome. Welcome. Sit down. Listen and watch. Twenty minutes a day and you will be of use to the world as well as to yourself.

[Elaine Fields]

Only the water is capable of this. " I'm only human"

[Pema]

Resitance is harmful, it is karma coming our way, and we need to accept it. work with it, learn what it is trying to tell us and move into a better space. tho nothing is buried by the buddha, the past present and future are one, what we are living is the sum of our actions, we are in the present here and now, and the future is crafted by everything we do. so really none of them is seperate. knowing that intelectually is far different than understanding it and living it. its a bit more complex than that....

nice blog tho dr cara... :)

[YourFaithfulReporter]

Hi Dr Barker

Excellent article... I describe this phenomena of life in a slightly different way... Rule One - "Everything in its natural state is in a process of continual transformation."

Combine this with the only rule of reality creation that matters... Rule Two "You get what you concentrate on."

Consequently, be opposing or resisting something we ensure that it continues just the way it is in our life experience. (you can't oppose something without concentrating on it, see rule number two)

By accepting and allowing something, even something we don't like, we release our concentration and allow that thing, whatever it is, to transform into something else, as is it's nature (see rule one).

There is every probability that this transformation will eventually bring us something we prefer.

So, paradoxically, if we oppose something we ensure that it stays with us. If we accept something we allow it to transform naturally and effortlessly into something else, perhaps something we prefer.

[PhilipB]

Dr. Cara,
I am so blown away by what you have written.
You hear the truth in all the chatter, and look to see what is underlying.
And that is what many have done. I know I have: to make sense of this time when there is so much distrust; shouting in public forums and the like.
And why?
You know, in my own family my brother and I are shocked that my parents have so much hate: Hate for democrats and a strong belief that as they have said that global climate change is in their words" only political" As Republicans in there 70's, they seem to think that politics is a kind of football game.:good sides and bad sides.There is a kind of anger that their white privileged country club lifestyle should be even questioned. Now, What is odd to me, is I would have thought we would have dealt with this long ago. I am so disappointed that any other view my parents consider treasonous, and they are so rigid and hateful,
Oh my, I do not deserve such free floating hate from my aging parents of all things.
I am trying to find a way to talk about commonalities, and positive things with them.
This has been a very political season, and i for one would hope that we could look at each other and love each other: i have had enough of this debate which has torn my family apart.

[writerkate]

I need to change several aspects of my life right now: get busy with things left undone too long, take more actions to improve my health, etc. The problem I face is letting go of the inertia. I've been going with this particular flow for too long, and it dead-ends in a stagnant swamp! I don't want to be stuck in the swamp, but inertia can be a deadly force. Cara, can you address this problem in a column?

[khanti]

Pt.1
Ted, MJ and the Buddha have one thing in common is about impermanence. We learn to accept changes and see things as they are. We cannot stop the outflow of life, the moment we are conceived in the womb changes occurs. Where there is birth, there is bound to be old age and death. In between we experience sicknesses. Nobody like to have a conversation on these subjects but we are reminded about it once in a while.
As the Beatles sang "Life is very short and there is no time for pushing and fighting my friends..."
Perhaps we can help each other overcome sufferings.
When we are suffering and realize that, then we are in touch with the Buddha's First Noble Truth. Whether we are having an addiction or mental anguish and realize 'geez I am screwing up myself and wish to get out of this mess' then we are in touch with the Buddha's Forth Noble Truth: the way out of suffering.
Then we make a wish to end suffering, so we begin to work out our own salvation.
That wish to change is important

[khanti]

pt.
We made a wish for the better and so we work on that wish. Gradually we feed that wish we made and make it grow bigger, let it become stronger. If we fail we get up and try again, We persevere!
Every time we perceive things we fall back into our memory and we extract information on the subject we perceive through our stored past experiences. Example if you remember that guy as a quick temper fella so every time you see or hear his name that is what you wil perceive him as. A quick temper fella. But what if after a while this fella had changed. Your perception of him as a quick tempered fella will not change.
It is the same with our addiction.
to be continued.....

[khanti]

We fall into our habitual likes and dislikes. To overcome our habits we take refuge in our wish for change and fall back to our wish each time we have to make a choice.
Here are two encouraging cmments;
"In case of hatred we have to reverse our sense of perceiving things by cultivating loving kindness towards that person. Wish that person good health and happiness. It may take time to cultivate sincerity in our wishes but it will happen one day. It works. I practice what I preach. stay with my comments when the right posts comes along I will reveal more ways to deal with ourselves. Remember how we perceive things we always have a choice. Choose the one that do not cause suffering to yourself or to others."
From Mr.David Shiner; "I think real transformation takes a long time, and it comes very slowly and quietly and gently into our lives. Profound transformation does not happen in a weekend course where everybody gets together and you do some sort of deep psychotherapeutic group awareness. For real transformation, you need to have patience and realize that anything of deep and lasting value takes time.”

[Arithrianos]

oops aadd a no before the serious in the last sentance.

[Arithrianos]

I may say something bizarre, but i am on pain meds right now, which means i might not. Suffering is resistance, is story line. I had a great opportunity yesterday to let go as i watched a truck hurtling towards me at 40mph, knowing it was to hit, and giving up resistance right on the spot. It is funny, i had a harder time in the hospital, more suffering because i had a face to blame, i guess. The threefold perfection of egolessness, impermanence, and suffering of all apparent phenomena is the most important tool i have, with that practice of seeing all nuts can be opened or at least cracked. I am so blessed that all i received from my lame attempt to stop a truck with my body were deep bruises, nothing broken, and serious injuries for the "others" in the truck.

[SunnyT]

Amazing, amazing, amazing. That's the most powerfully moving thing I've read in ages. You are blessed, Arithrianos, and I feel blessed as well after reading your story. It seems with nonresistance comes grace. And it spreads... how utterly beautiful is that??! Thank you. I am definitely getting back to my lapsed practice!

[ejones3]

Hi Cara,

YAY for vacation! I, too, am trying to find it when I can. I really wish I could remember the exact quote, but a friend of mine who is studying Buddhism said that we should be more like water. It flows freely yet it's still one of the most powerful elements on the earth.

When I saw your title, I knew I would glean something important from your article. Though I'm still in the studying process with The Buddha, I've kept a close watch on the lives of Michael and Ted. They were two men that I admired for the ability to not let setbacks close them off from doing good for others. They gave a voice for those that didn't have one.

And since the death of both of them, namely Teddy, I've become more aware of what I have and what I can give back. And because my Fall seasons are overrun with crappy Primetime TV lol, I've felt some internal resistance to working on my craft. But thankfully, the day after Teddy died, I was finally asked to mentor a young screenwriter for the Young Storytellers Foundation.

And though my time is limited, I'm hoping giving of myself in this way will open doors to my heart to be even more flexible with my time. I'm learning that flexibility is the key to happiness. And my therapist always says that everything is not rocket science except rocket science.

Enjoy the serenity,

Ebony

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

Yes, 'even the most longed for changes... have their melancholy...'

And it does seem to me like the turn of the tide: somehow the old ways are finally out of steam. And the new stuff begins. It's like the month of august was some kind of final twitching of a viewpoint about to be shut down for good.

And once everybody starts to bless the mess, nobody will even remember the old stuff.

Somehow I even like the transitional character of some of the figures that have been running the show as of late. Makes those eight years seem like a century ago. :-)

[maori]

Wow, glad I'm not a Buddhist.
Beautiful article though ;-)

[Pema]

what about it puts you off?

[arabianway]

Very nice post.

What is it that makes resistance to "what is" so commonplace, and what is the price we pay for it?

I get it that what we resist persists, and also that when I am resolute in practicing acceptance, I have more peace of mind, a very good thing to have.

However, there is a disconnect there that I cannot wholeheartedly subscribe to. I do not believe that we were put here to turn a blind eye to injustice, or cruelty when and if there is anything we can do about it. As anyone who has ever taken a stand can attest, there will be plenty of resistance, there will always be opposition, and it can get very disagreeable. That is the price we pay.

This is meant to be part of the life experience. To maintain that all is illusion is to check out of life, which at least for me only works for a while