EDITION: U.S.
 
CONNECT    

Dr. Cara Barker

GET UPDATES FROM Dr. Cara Barker
 

Lessons From The Edge: How To Reinvent Yourself

Posted: 8/30/08

On September 11, 2001 Americans were reminded that, we, too, were vulnerable. Our place on the totem pole shifted. One year later, I found myself before a group who had gathered to consider lessons learned, not only as a collective body, but as individuals. Seven years later, we do well to contemplate the same question, hopefully in ways that will leave us feeling more hopeful, less discouraged, despite the fact that we are struggling not only as a divided nation, but as a world.

Perhaps this is what draws us in droves to events like the Olympic Games. What is it that we find so mesmerizing, so uplifting about record setters like Michael and Tori? What is it that quickens our own pulse, and fills us with such pride? In every acorn there lives the oak.

While we might never be Olympic athletes like these, or even close, we do have one thing in common. We dream. Even if we may have mislaid our dreams for a spell. Despite our 'reasons why' we might not have the results we might say we want, be it at work, at home, with our health, our wealth, and in our community of neighbors and friends, it is in our nature to dream. Whether we admit it or not, we know we can 'do better.' And, we know that to do so, like the gold-medal winners, we've got to be willing to come to the edges of ourselves right out there past the limb where we've resided, dust off our courage, and take a leap of faith.

By faith, meaning, we've got to trust, despite all lack of apparent evidence, that our lives were meant for more. Not the sort of 'more' in the things department, although there is that, too. Rather, I mean, there is more life to be experienced, if we would give ourselves permission to reinvent ourselves. And this brings us to the bigger 'more': that little issue of knowing that we could make a bigger contribution, if we had greater faith in the notion that we came here with a greater purpose, and don't just leave that to Lady O (Oprah), and crew.

Now, I know that some of you might be saying: 'Sure, I'd do more, if I had more. Then, if I had more, and could do more, then I might be able to be more. There's nothing I can do.' And, I also know, that if this is your stance, then hearing repeats of "We must be the change we wish to see in the world," like Gandhi said, might just give you cause for rebuttal that goes something like: 'Sure, fine for him to say, but I need more x (money, education, charisma, power) before I can 'be the change I want to see in the world.' All I'm saying is, maybe you've got it backwards. Add me, too, to the list, when I come across a broken dream of my own for which I've neglected to take full responsibility.

Thank heaven we are surrounded by teachers. People you and I know who are Olympians in 'coming to the edge' of themselves, and how they've known themselves historically to be. Because that is what edge places require. I need only think of my friend Laurel, for example. Recently, Laurel died of an aggressive cancer. Over the last months of her life, I saw Laurel again and again come up against her incapacity to operate as before. Despite this, her Spirit gave new meaning to the word 'strong.' One day, I asked her what made this possible. Her answer:

"I look at this whole process as a new frontier. I've never been here before. It's like I'm just a little further down the road and I'm checking it out. I'm going to miss my family and friends terribly when I go, but this is where I am, and what are you going to do? I figure, if it is where I am, then I should do my best to explore it, and take heart that I am still here, that I did get to see the sun rise this morning, and right now, I am with you. What's so bad about this? It only gets lousy when I compare. That is a dead end street."

Right up until the day she died, Laurel was at work reinventing herself from the ashes. Even though what she'd been handed did not correspond to her dream for her life, she took it as a learning curve in her curriculum. In life, death and dying she was a champion. She lived, as she died, consciously, creatively, whole-heartedly. This was her greatest contribution.

The Four Keys

1. Exploration. Explore what is before you with courage. Maybe it seems a 180 degree departure from what you'd dreamed for yourself.
2. Trust the process. Given the present unexpected chapter in your life, how could you 'live large' in it?
3. Permission. What permission do you need to give yourself to shed your self-limiting beliefs that are holding you back from a more helpful attitude towards yourself?
4. Contribution. Those brave passengers who brought down the terrorist's plane they were aboard, rather than giving into demands, transcended their own need for safety. Their contribution was based on ascribing to a greater good. What greater good do you need to hold as your focus, in order to contribute to others out of your present situation?

 

Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker

On September 11, 2001 Americans were reminded that, we, too, were vulnerable. Our place on the totem pole shifted. One year later, I found myself before a group who had gathered to consider lessons ...
On September 11, 2001 Americans were reminded that, we, too, were vulnerable. Our place on the totem pole shifted. One year later, I found myself before a group who had gathered to consider lessons ...
 
  • Comments
  • 11
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Recency  | 
Popularity
01:07 AM on 09/01/2008
How true Cara,
Sometimes I feel like we forget what our greater pupose is or even to ask the question what is our greater pupose. We do have an option we can live as zombies, just maintainin­g and making excuses for the safe mode of consciousn­ess or we can choose to make a difference by reinventin­g ourselves. Thanks Cara for reminding me./us.

Janice
09:51 PM on 08/31/2008
I wish you and your husband all the best, Lisa. Clearly, you are much more than a survivor. You are a thrivor. I am imagining the good you are doing by using your challenge as a springboar­d to assist others with not only your growing skill sets, but the Spirit of who you are. I applaud your efforts whole-hear­tedly and look forward to hearing from you on lessons learned.

All the best your way,
Cara
photo
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
mouselion
07:56 PM on 08/31/2008
If it weren't for reinventin­g myself, I would not be able to persevere and meet with success. Absolute essential skill in life. As an artist, I have come to really appreciate this forward/cr­eative approach, and I highly recommend it to those of all walks of life.
11:49 AM on 08/31/2008
Who's the girl in the picture to the left of Madonna's picture?
10:19 AM on 09/01/2008
It's Madonna, in high school. 16 or so I think (I know way more about her than anyone should).
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Kenji
05:07 PM on 09/01/2008
At first, I thought it was one of the Go-Gos.
Until I realized it was Madonna!
02:25 PM on 08/30/2008
In this election year, as we look into the future, each of us is entitled to feel a little intimidate­d, a little fearful about what the future may hold for our families, our unigue profession­s (I am a nurse practition­er), our economy, our environmen­t, our government and our ability to keep peace with our brothers and sisters, or lack thereof. In reading Dr Barker's article, I am reminded that I have limited time on this earth to make my way, to make my special contributi­on, to offer my legacy. I work in an ICU that gives me frequent opportunit­y to be with people preparing to live or die. That being said, each day is an opportunit­y to be fully and give fully all that I can, and to know that my life has meaning that only I can actualize. This brings me great joy, and the military motto of "Be all that you can be" has never rung truer to me at 56 years of age than it does today. My prayer is that each of us not be unduly mired in the challenges of the world. Simply go out and offer of you the best you have each day of your life. Thank you for this timely article...­I do hope that the post will offer more encouragin­g writings like Dr. Barker's!!
09:47 PM on 08/31/2008
Dear shadenfeld­,

In a 'past life,' I, too was a Nurse Practition­er. Let me tell you, you do the profession proud. So many, many nurses have left the field. I suspect, if they had someone like you on board, they would stay longer.

Please know that your kind and generous words touch me deeply. You are right, this year is daunting with what is ahead. Yet, as you point out, we do have the opportunit­y to 'be all that we can be,' even if this sounds corny to the dishearten­ed and disillusio­ned. You just keep doing what you are doing.

All the best to you and your fortunate patients and staff,
Cara
12:50 PM on 08/30/2008
Coming to the edge of myself? What an interestin­g thought. It's a bit scary to be at the edge of of something. Makes me think of those ever expanding edges of childhood; the end of the block, the end of grade school, the end of a relationsh­ip. There was always growth beyond the edge. Your article challenges me to counsiousl­y look for where I may be standing at an edge, reluctant to move forward. Thanks!
09:47 PM on 08/31/2008
Dear RK,

In reading your response these past few weeks, one thing is certain. You are definately one of the rare 13% that is open. Did you know that 70% of our population is closed to anything they have not considered­? Did you know that of the remaining 30%, 17% are only mildly curious. So, as you can see, this makes you quite an exception.

RK, one of my greatest joys is to meet those who are on the adventure, who are willing to explore, discover, do better. I look forward to your reports. Let me know what you find beyond the edge. I would be very interested­, as I'm sure would be the other readers. It takes courage to step out. you are doing it!

Warmly,
Cara
11:09 AM on 08/30/2008
Reinventin­g myself can happen on a lot of levels. Last year, my husband underwent a tremendous change in career/bus­iness, which forced me to reinvent myself career-wis­e. Having one parent home with our children has been our priority, and my love of writing led me to create a website that is another extension of my natural life: helping people understand how to recover from depression naturally.

These days my life is filled with blogging, learning business practices, and helping others establish websites, which is completely different than one year ago. However, our basic lives are still the same: I'm still home raising my two children, and my husband and I still have the good relationsh­ip we had prior to our change. We believe that reinventin­g ourselves will ultimately bring us more freedom, and time to have the life that we truly want.

It's worth it to push yourself out of the comfort zone of reinventin­g yourself. You must first have the faith that you can achieve your dreams, and then make it happen. It's not easy, but there's few things in life more worth the struggle. It may just bring you the life you want.

Lisa
http://www­.Holistic-­Treatment-­for-Depres­sion.com