A coach looks around his town in the state of New York and decides it needs a football team. Starting from Point Zero, he gains agreement, gathers a team, and refashions the way each member knows himself. Replacing individual names on their jerseys, the coach inscribes praiseworthy qualities.
One back reads "Integrity," another "Leadership," and so on. The young men step into their uniform, and onto the field transcending the it's-all-about-me way of playing, and instead assuming roles in a bigger game.
Now, as their coach prepares to leave for the Middle East, having been called up by the Naval Reserves, he does so knowing that his team is on a champion-level winning streak. Unheard of. From out of "Nowheresville," these young men are making a difference through discovering something much better is possible than what they'd previously believed.
We are, after all, here to play a bigger game.
How big a game are you playing? What's invisibly written on your "jersey"? What might others say, for it is they who see your backside? If there were one word keeping your life too small lately, what would it be? "Broke"? "Discouraged"? "Confused"? "Failing"? "Conflicted"? "Angry"? "Resentful"? "Scared"?
Right about now, mine would say "Limping." That's OK by me. I'm realizing that sometimes the down time is necessary in order to find a deeper freedom. How about you? Be honest, now. In those periods when you are not feeling on top of your game -- in those shadowy nooks and crannies when no one's around and you haven't gotten around to practice whatever uplifts you best, be it meditation, exercise, time in nature, doodling, singing, dreaming, volunteering, creating, whatever -- how do you sometimes look at yourself and fail to see bigger possibilities? It's easy to do. It does not, however, need to be a permanent condition.
The saddest thing is to confuse what is transient with what's permanent. We've seen a lot of this around the world lately: losses, profound disappointments, fear. You've no doubt noticed that bad can lead to worse with too limited a perspective. Anyone who's ever had a loved one commit suicide knows the truth of this.
Whenever you believe that the present state of turbulence is destined to become a permanent condition, trouble brews.
Young people are particularly at risk. Tending to believe their pain will last forever, they, like a number of adults, too often seek final solutions for short-term problems, which can begin with the but-everybody's-doing-it kind of drinking, drugging, fast living until the clock runs out and there's no turning back. It's too hard, for too many, to trust that spring will come again, even in the worst psycho-spiritual winter. But it will, if we are willing to persist and reconsider what's at stake. Something better comes for those willing to put in the "sweat equity" of personal scrutiny.
Whenever we give in to fear, we need to be called out. Not unlike Rumpelstiltskin, we might not like it. We might even throw a hissy fit. Nonetheless, this is the precise time when we rename how we see ourselves so that we can advance in the direction of liberation from what burdens and holds our spirit captive. Perhaps we are called out by a remarkable coach, teacher, friend, family member. It does take a village after all.
Or, if the situation is serious enough, you can depend upon the fact that the call will come from within, the place of Original Authority. Maybe the wake-up call will come from that sort of numinous dream that carries a wallop, or an uncanny symptom, or the return of a long-forgotten memory/association that persists. Of course, this cannot happen until we decide to be kinder to ourselves, to relocate the bigger picture. Such a choice requires, however, that we revise the way we see and treat ourselves, to leave room for sufficient stillness for that wee small voice that must not be denied.
The truth is that we do not come to these depths without dire necessity. Curiosity is not enough. Take, for example, the story of Ingrid Betancourt, the woman who was kidnapped and held hostage for over six years after she attempted to run for the president of Columbia.
In her autobiographical book "Even Silence Has an End" (Penguin Press, 2010), Ingrid describes her own "calling out." In graphic detail, she leads us through the jungle, with snakes and other scary critters, to the impossibly small cage where she is held captive with Clara. Refusing to surrender her soul, Betancourt escapes again and again, despite the fact that when she is caught, her captors abuse, curse, and drag her back through the mud. Even while chained by the neck, she refuses to surrender to what she describes as "those pathetic little fears ... fear of being alone. Fear of dying carelessly ... I needed to risk death for freedom."
How did she do this? A portrait of resilience, she tells us, "With each step I repeated, 'I am free.'" She made a fundamental choice, as must we, when paralyzed in fear: "I had decided that they would not hurt me. Whatever happened, they would not touch the essence of who I was."
We are reminded of Goethe's words, when he said: "Say yes ... (for) the moment you do, then mountains move, and helpmates arrive from the most unimaginable places." When Ingrid envisions freedom as her possibility, she says "yes," and with that, another association comes, a memory of her father, which is instrumental to her final freedom.
In her words:
My father's voice spoke to me from very far away, and a single word came to mind, in capital letters. I repeated it again and again, like a prayer, like a magical incantation that might, perhaps, break the evil spell. Dignity ... saying it repeatedly made me adopt my father's attitude ... I understood that I had gone beyond fear, and I murmured, "There are things that are more important than life."
Rewriting the Game: A 21-Day Challenge
It all begins with the new "word" you assign to your virtual jersey. Ingrid's was "dignity." What is the one quality, the one word you could order up, to step up your game? Look to the obvious. Consider the following exercises:
To be continued.
For a fuller discussion, check out carabarker.net. Meanwhile, I'd love to hear from you and your buddies. What "word" has been on your invisible jersey that limits you from living as you most deeply desire? What "word" has appeal, as a partner in expanding your game? What story of liberation has inspired you that you are willing to share? What resources might you pass along?
For updates, contact me at carabarker.net or dr.carabarker@gmail. To save time, click on "Become a Fan" at the top of this page. Stay tuned for upcoming developments with The Love Project, including "Practicing Love." Follow Dr. Cara Barker on www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker.
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
Lloyd I. Sederer, MD: Medication For Alcoholism: Alternatives to Abstinence
Judith Johnson: What One Change Would You Make in the World?
Rev. Romal J. Tune: Overcoming Grief Through Community and Grace
Amy Ahlers: Top Ten Ways To Stay Inspired In A Tough Economy
Thanks for your insight.
All good fortune, your way,
Cara
Peace,
Cara
Check back tomorrow and chime in. Your song is clear,
Cara
Better to have few jewels then many rhinestones!
What story of liberation has inspired you that you are willing to share?
The Buddha was sitting in meditation awakening into Enlightenment when Mara (the temptress) appears in his mind (some say she is an aspect of his ego-mind)
Mara says, "What right do you have to be Enlightened? The Buddha puts his hand firmly on the ground and rightly says, "I deserve to be Enlightened!" (this is just a snip of what he goes on to say)
What resources might you pass along?
Love is the nature of reality!
Ommmmmmm
Yes, I say 'forget the rhinestones,' when the real treasure is at hand: that glorious love shining through you, and each of us.
Love to you, my dears,
Cara
I took three days and three different sittings to do so, but I came up with the name for the back of my jersey. It turns out that it's the same in meaning as the first word I came up with on Wednesday "am". My word is "IS" My mantra, when I use one, is "I am". That didn't fit grammatically with the examples you gave and that made me think that I needed to give myself the time to really relax into discovering my jersey name. So, 40 hours later, I realized I was on the right track in the first place and went with a variation on forms of existence. Be and being also seemed to fit but they didn't feel right either.
A phrase I've heard since childhood came to mind as I read your post. "This too will pass". It's a great thing to remember when times are tough. I also am aware of it when things are splendid. This life will pass too and that awareness makes me savor and assign meaning to the time I have.
Your ardent admirer,
little brother
How did you know? In between sessions this morning, I went out to the bench that sits at the lip of the forest and did my own breathing in/breathing out. The 'I Am,' the 'is-ness' of the Thing Itself, the Good, that breathes through us with each breath, that reignites our soul, when challenged, how could there possibly be 'more?' How I love your willingness do 'the practice,' of becoming Still, and receiving what comes from the great treasurehouse.
Honestly, your devotion to unfolding positively makes my day, though not in the Clint Eastwood meaning!
How fortunate I am that our paths have crossed here at HP,
Love,
Cara
Whole, Perfect (just the way I am), Strong, Powerful, Loving, Harmonious, Healthy, Beautiful (through & through), Compassionate, Wealthy, Happy and Prolific.
I endeavor to embody these as they are called on. They become my destination points. For me, having a direction makes all the difference. Without a target, I'm highly distractable.
I LOVE your heart.
Cynthia
I do suspect the destination points that have most claim on your direction, are the ones which are spawned from your very heart and soul. Well done, my dear, well done.
You've given me quite the giggle as I set off to see the next clients.
Praise your way, and the Happy Dance, too!
Cara
I think you have convinced me that foot surgery is just not that critical as a busy mom! wow.
Wonderful post. I am exploring the very issues you are writing about- no coincidence! Playing bigger can be scary, but if life is coming right at you- why not tackle it with shoulder pads, helmet and cleats laced up and ready to go?
Love the tools you share and will take them to heart.
Love
Kari
Hey, kiddo, if you need the surgery, you need the surgery. Believe me, there are so many lessons from this teaching! That said, if you are going to get out on the field with those cleats, this probably is not the time for this surgery!
I can't wait to see what you are cooking up, meanwhile. I love your Spirit, Kari, and your fabulous tenacity and grit. How I love being on the same team as you!
Love and cheers your way,
Cara
I saw your comment briefly yesterday, in the column above, but it never showed down here. I'm not sure how to retrieve it, or reach you. If you do see this, please know I'd love to do so. In the meantime, I send you gratitude and love, and hope all is well with you, Montana Man!
Love,
Cara
I'm seeing your comment above, but not 'down here' in the response column, so hope you get this. I'm with you, girl. Just this morning I had a run of two miracles within moments that sang out "abundance.' Despite these times of politicians slamming one another, there is so, so much for which to be grateful. What a wonderful season for Thanksgiving on its way in weeks.
I am so grateful for you,
Cara
I'd have to echo Anne's observation: you might be physically "limping", but I think your jersey would say something more like "inspiration". You consistently show up, week in and week out, no matter where or what to inspire the readers here on the Living page. Left bar, side bar, it matters not. You can't hide your gifts, we'll find you!
My jersey would say "Abundanzia", which is to say "Abundance" and inherent in abundance is living in a state of Gratitude, which to me, is one of the highest states there is. Admittedly, I'm not always there and there's always more work to do, but this awareness is where I live most of the time and what I always want to bring to the "team".
Wonderful post, thank you!
Love,
Judith
Suffice it to say, that I'm with you completely in the 'Abundanzia' department. I had the most amazing demonstrations of it this morning, in the most surprising ways. Gratitude is surely where it's at....even on those days when I must 'limp' my way back Home to find it in myself. And, yet, every time I do, it's worth the trek.
Much love, team-mate, extraordinaire!
Cara
Well you may be "limping" but you are in full voice here, and very inspiring. Exactly what I needed to read this morning.
It is not exactly that I am living too small, but I know I can live larger. I am being nudged. But so far,, I am not seeing the vision However, good news I am on my case!
Limping? More like soaring to me. I am looking forward to what comes next....
With huge love and appreciation,
Anne
What a wonderful way to begin the day! I just got back from a post-op check, and the doc was clear that this is a long-term process. Whether it is attending the long-term heal, or waiting for the vision, the process is what it is. I am so confident, Anne, that when your 'vision' for what comes next arrives, you will be more than ready. And, why? Because, my dear, look at your level of contribution! You are a bright and shining Light, returning us to the charm of living in Grace.
Much love and gratitude,
Cara
This weekend, I go to England to help take care of my Mum and Dad so my living large will be embracing them and their needs for the following 10 days or so. For them, I wish to take peace as much as I can.
I so appreciate your kind words. My vision has its own timing. It is ready when I am!
The potential of which you speak is present in every single one of us - or very nearly so. And, a fantastically large number actually become the hero of the ages, it's just that a vanishingly small number of them have a good publicist.
Wearing your potential like a stone around your neck virtually guarantees you won't reach it. Instead, as Clara says, letting it go frees you to actually achieve because you simply aren't worried about whether or not you have achieved, and instead you concern yourself with actually making the achievement real.
Meanwhile, perfection is as we define it. So, everything can be perfect, or nothing, or both at the same time, because perfection is not an objective ideal of nature, it's subjective like beauty.
Know that you are adored, RT,
Cara
Love your way,
Cara
I am planning to watch some netflix tonight, and I'll look for "Mission" specifically. I have seen a film of that name and wonder if it's what you're referring to. It's about a Spanish priest in the new world - Peru? - and struggle with the local natives who live above a particular waterfall... Is this the one? If so, can you help me connect with the particular scene?
Thanks m'Lady.
...Meanwhile, Lioness is as confused as ever, and I am very sad. I may have to walk away, and that's not what I want. -very-sad-frown-
RtLH
Open your heart and let compassion flows and you will see things around you in many shades of wonderful colours.
I can tell you this, my friend: your compassion is flowing bigtime!
How are you? Tell me more. I'm listening...............
Cara
Many thanks, 49, for joining us, today. It's been a while since seeing you. Hope all is well, and that you are getting lots of reflections back to you of your most natural excellence in being a lovely and transparent human being.
All good things,
Cara
Yea, I'm feeling limpy trying to adjust to fall which came after winter so to speak because of the summer that never was and right now it's more winter than fall which makes it even worse and so I'm down wallowing in a mud puddle so to speak. This has been the greyest October I've ever known. Even in Seattle, October is the most beautiful month of the entire year and here as well however not so this year.
I think the elections account for some of this limping and sluggishness as it's all been so ugly this year and politics are always ugly but this year even more so and now we are on hold for a few days until the day comes and we shift gears so to speak. I've heard others say the same thing but mostly around me it's the weather and lack of summer and fall that affects our moods while we don't want to put away our summer clothes that didn't get worn this year and then we realize we are experiencing climate change for real.
So perhaps it's just adjustment to change and what is.
I just met for dinner with a dear friend who lost his wife a month or so ago. He's going through another climate change, and making the shift of finding his wholeness in the hole. We all limp when we reach these zones of uncertainty. As a country, we are limping big-time.
May we turn away from elections fatigue, and move in the direction of what renews and restores.
Love and peace your way. Take heart. Tomorrow is a new day, as is right now, a new moment.
Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.
Cara
We have two of the ugliest campaigns I've ever seen in this state and one involves a guy I know so much about and who I've always admired and trusted and to see him stand up and take it and still be a gentleman is heart rendering when I think of how great he is. He has a Buddhist Alter in his home with two photos on it one of Thich Nhat Hand and the other of Mother Theresa whom he worked with after already serving two terms as governor here in CA.
I am helping a Buddhist Nun with her manuscript for a children's story which I'm enjoying. I became an editor on another book she did last year. She handed me the new mss and said "help me".
I'm so fortunate yet this darned SAD is serious and I don't want to resort to anti-depressants again and I guess that's my main problem right now. Thanks for listening.
How are you doing yourself Cara? Has your foot healed? I hope you are having patience too and not overdoing it which I fear you can do.
Goodnight dear friend, I'm off to bed with a book.
for your Compassion, I am so grateful,
Cara