Leaning over her, in blue scrubs, his red crew-cut and beard shining in the afternoon sun, they were an unlikely dance pair, certainly not candidates on '"Idol." She, with her sparkling, close-cropped, platinum curls framing a mischievous, if not cherubic smile, and he, with serious tasks on his mind -- you would not have guessed that Patricia and Jeremy would be meeting quite this way. We come into each other's lives not because we have nothing better to do. We bring the gift of our evolving story to one another.
Jeremy's a returning Army veteran, with two tours in Iraq under his belt by the time he reached 20. This week, he celebrates his 24th birthday, having seen and experienced things for which there are no words. (I know this, because long ago, when I cared for the injured in Viet Nam, there was no sane way to navigate the terror they re-encountered for years. Back then, often, I brought along a sketch pad to draw the imagery soldiers used to describe their struggle to come to terms with the questions, who are you? What's your purpose? Are you alone in the universe? It seemed to help.)
But, Jeremy had no sketches, just rage he brought home with his duffel. "It's taken me a lot of time to just deal with it all, to just come home and feel like I am home, and to go on." He says this, while handing Patricia her medication, offering water, and adjusting her wheelchair. Jeremy tells us about the 24 men lost in his platoon, how it was to watch his best friend "bleed out," because, as he put it, " ... the medic didn't know what he was doing. I'd gotten to my buddy right away when he was hit, but my job was just to be first there, so I got the medic ... I watched helplessly as G. died. Right then, and right there, I decided to become a surgeon. That was four years ago. I brought back an awful lot of anger. Some P.T.S.D. days are really hard. But next week, I start courses leading to med school."
That's Jeremy's "side" of this love story. Ever heard the saying "physician, heal thyself?" Some casualties of war are invisible, but just as deep. I'm reminded of poet David Whyte's message: it's through the rawness of our wound that we touch the world.
Little does Jeremy know yet that the woman known to him as "patient" is a master when it comes to healing all sorts of hurts. Over the course of her nearly 8 decades, Patricia Boyce has inspired everyone who's been fortunate enough to cross her path. Maybe you know people whose Light shines so brightly in the darkness, that simply being in their atmosphere is a reminder of what counts? That's her. Despite the haze in Patty's azure blue eyes, residual remnant from macular degeneration, she's like a combination sun/moon/stars all rolled into this diminutive package, now seated in a recently acquired wheelchair.
Here's a few Cliff Notes: after having raised 8 kids, and then, lost her eyesight, this independent Florence Nightingale moved in to care for her aging mother with Alzheimer's. A short time later, as Patti realized she felt anxious walking along a busy street to get their groceries, she refused to dwell in fear. Instead, she went to Europe, solo. Patty figured if she could manage an international journey alone, without the benefit of outer vision, she could certainly feel confident to walk along well-trafficked streets at home. It worked. After her mom died, Patricia moved to a new town, again stepping up her game, living independently. Following her own internal G.P.S. (God-positioning-system) as she began a new life chapter, met the locals, became a radio talk-show host, and rode the leading elephant when the circus came to town,. Oh, did I mention she was in her early seventies at the time? A few weeks ago, Patricia realized she'd suffered a stroke, dragged herself to the bathroom, then to the phone, then to the front door to let the medics in, all while her left side was completely paralyzed. Taken to the nursing home where Jeremy works, their paths crossed as they launched a mutually beneficial healing project.
Routinely, we get so distracted by what's awful, that we miss the miracles. Violence, accidents, and negativity have a way of stealing our focus. Not in this room. In either of their circumstances, how many of us would be singing the "ain't it awful, blues?." Unlike them, we tend not to think of our problems as saviors. But, for folks like Jeremy and Patricia, what appears as a setback becomes a portal to the uncharted possibility, to connection, to the One Life of which we are a part.
We, like the honeybee, come with beautiful purpose, even when, temporarily, we lose our way. It's not what we lose, or even who we lose, that defines our future. It's what we do with what we've lost, whether we choose to grow, to step up. Jeremy uses his consciously lived grief to transform his trauma, bringing to Patty's side what she needs. Patty uses her inner wisdom, and life experience to minister to this brave soldier's pain, modeling with humility, an improved way to "see" through eyes of compassion, humor and light. Each encourages the other to accept the baby steps, the sweetness of one another's offering, the mutual respect for their journey, demons, and hope, when it, too, arrives. We come into one another's lives to connect, to grow, to remind each other we are part of a greater Lover Story, if we have eyes to see, minds that are open, hearts that dare accessibility, hands willing to reach out.
Over the past few weeks, I've reported stories that have come unexpectedly. Each week, as I visit amazing beacons like Patricia, and meet the "Jeremy's," "Joeys," "Fiona's," (see Post "How Alive is Your Love,") and the "Dereje's", (see Post "What Is This Thing Called Love?"), I walk away with deepening appreciation for Mary Oliver's sentiment, described in "When Death Comes":
"... I want to be a bride married to amazement ..." Such amazement is the natural end result spawned from returning to what's possible in the moment, if we are willing to stop the whining, and flow with what is. Emerson, put it this way:
" ... our life might be much easier and simpler than we make it; the world might be a happier place than it is; there is no need of struggles, convulsions, and despairs of the wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth. We miscreate our own evils. We interfere with nature."
The great news is that Master Teachers are everywhere, reminding us of the healing power of flowing with "what is". Perhaps our paths will cross in nursing homes, restrooms, taxi cabs, playgrounds, conference ballrooms, ferry lines, airports, and right here, on the HP, where readers like you show up, and generously share. So often, we believe that avatars live as the exception amongst us. I'm not so sure. Certainly, there are those like Amma, ( see "What is This Thing Called Love?"), carrying the archetype of divine love, impressively. But, what touches me every bit as much, are the "every day folks," out here, "in the trenches," who become masters of love in service to a Greater Love, of which we are each a part, even on bad hair days, even when we are nasty, and should have bitten our tongue, even when we seem pretty clueless as to how we might have made it up to now without being punched!
Perhaps it all comes down to Love, to our choice about our relationship to the truth. Love's time has come. If you see the Master Teachers as the Great Exception, points out Ernest Holmes, then you believe you must seek outside yourself for the goodies, with little begging bowl, in hand. What Jeremy and Patricia model, as well as the aforementioned, is the power of the Law of Attention. People like these focus on what is working, what can expand, how they might grow, not, what is no longer. They have "more" because they are willing to embrace more. Said the Buddha:
"Everything you give out plants a seed."
Theirs is a mighty fine garden.
It is no longer enough to be what's been called "a child of the Universe." We are at a place in human history when we are charged with becoming Sons and Daughters of the One Family that is this world. We are charged with becoming instruments of greater Good, not in a sentimental sense, but through very concrete decisions and acts which are more humane, encouraging, uplifting, something more intimate than we've ever lived before. It's all in how we hold the truth of who we are in relationship to the present moment, trusting that those who cross our path do so with purpose, even if we are unaware of the footprints that have brought them into our lives.
Jeremy and Patricia are what I call "The Love Project" People. Although they've never heard the term (see carabarker.net), they are well engaged.
What's touches you lately? What brings a sense of healing? What inspires you? What message would you be willing to send Jeremy or Patricia? I'm listening. Meanwhile, thanks for passing this along to others. The more, the merrier!
Become A Fan, and make life easier with updates. Please drop by for a visit to my personal blog/website (carabarker.net) where you'll find The Love Project and materials of interest. Thanks for your patience.
Coming Autumn 2010, a teleconference program! Follow Dr. Cara Barker on www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker.
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
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This was a great article, I loved that you shared it. Thank you. I'm going to post it to CWS too :)
Although I am in the middle of moving my home to an island, and my office into Seattle, and am operating at very little sleep right now, I just came across your response. Do forgive my delay. Actually, I've also been out of town.
I am absolutely delighted to hear about this group, Chicks With Scars. This is so, so touching. Those who are called to healing, and, indeed, suffered their own wounds, some visible, and some not. Both can be either devastating or liberating. I sense that you and your crew of chicks are choosing liberation. Bravo, Bravo, Bravo. It all begins with Love, doesn't it, beginning with the Self. I'd love to hear more from you, and your sisters and brothers. My heart is so uplifted at the thought of what you are doing that is so desparately needed.
May every blessing come to each of you. I will be back posting on July 7th.
Dr. Cara
Ah, you caught me. Remind me not to gloss over feelings when I'm communicating with a Jungian Analyst. I tried to brush over it and still feel like I wasn't hiding the truth. The way I've been exercising my right to be human and imperfect is that I've been a cranky bastard lately. At least until I catch myself. Then, sometimes I don't do the course adjustment I've told myself in my more peaceful mind that I'd do and I keep on being the curmudgeon. Both of my friends are getting a little piqued about it.
I believe that if I can settle my mind for some good meditation it will help, but for the last week I've just been too scatter brained to maintain the peaceful moments. I wonder how much worse it'd be without my just breathe time and Ed and Deb's soft belly reminder. Anyhow, since I noticed it, I can work toward calming it. Now where's today's agenda? I need to schedule "fix the crank" time.
Stay awesome,
little brother
Your first paragraph had me in 'stitches,' by the way. Who doesn't know this state? Ah, so very human. The beautiful thing is that you catch it before it runs away with you on its train.
May this day be beautiful, and find you in peace.
Love,
Cara
It IS a wonderful life but only if there's wonder inside you. How does Jeremy "find" Patricia? And how do they help heal each other? It IS a wonder! How do alcoholics help each other in AA? It IS a miracle?
It is a wonderful life, but only if there is wonder inside.
Thanks for your beautiful stories, lessons and reminders that wonder is all around us.
Blessings!
BB
Piggy-backing on what you're saying, just know that you are a Wonder, for the Wonder is alive and well inside you. For many years, around the world where I've been fortunate enough to speak/teach, I've used a recording of a little boy who speaks spontaneously about the Wonder. His words are so pure, that anyone listening simply cannot hang onto a funk.
I'm glad you appreciate the stories. It's become so clear to me that eventhough I know that 'fear sells, ' in terms of readership and sales, what interests me is what is at the heart of what you are voicing. And so, when I hear from you, I know I am in the field of Wonder without and within.
What's been the wonder in your life today, Bill?
Sending you oodles of love and gratitude,
Cara
It is a certainty because there exists the technology you can almost buy off the shelf for thin film solar and batteries that will allow 60% or more of all our travels to be powered by the sun. All it takes now is the convergence of capital and risk takers to bring this to market and THAT is inevitable.
It is like the universe conspiring to bring Patricia and Jeremy together for mutual healing!
It was inevitable and THAT IS A WONDER. And the most important thing I can do today is to raise and expand my consciousness and share it with others to help raise theirs.
People healing does happen and earth healing does happen and both hare happening right now. And that is my wonder for today.
And now you know the rest of the story.
Montana Bill
In gratitude,
Cara
Who encouraged your Voice so well?
Smile.
In gratitude to you as well,
Midnightrain
Cara
The young uns all stop by before and after school and I share out popcorn, chocolates and "school talk". For the older ones its go back to school, think of what you want to do and fix your mind on it. No sex without condoms, why are you smoking, who are your parents, what do you wanna be when you grow up, pull up your pants immediately, that sorta thing. They probably think I'm nuts but they do slow down when I'm in the garden, so I take the opportunity to have my say.
I'm concerned because they're looking for trouble to find them because they have too much time on their hands and nothing much in their minds.
Why am I doing this I have no idea.
Cheers
Catherine
I Know why you are doing what you are doing for the young people: It's in You to do it! You are clearly Called to make a difference. As I just read your words, my innermost response was: 'where does Catherine live? Because if parents knew what was going on, they'd move into her neighborhood immediately! This is what is needed."
When I was a little girl in the 40's and early 50's, this was our neighborhood. No child would have dared called an adult neighbor by their first name, It was always Mr., Mrs., Miss. Quite honestly, all that gave a sense of real safety, protection, well-being. The neighbors watched out for the kids. Some of their approaches were crusty, but, for the most part, it gave a child a sense of belonging.
We need this around the world today. Keep doing what you are doing, my dear. You are sent with such a heart and head for purpose.
Love,
Cara
Love's time has come. Yes, it's particularly striking since I grew up without and had to learn what it was as I bumped and bruised myself thru the dark.
I now know for sure that embracing what is - ex-control freak talking - is love and loving what's happening in your life -I could share horror stories but they've changed to thank you stories- is the most amazing gift one can offer one's self. They heal & inspire.
When we get to that point, the world's suffering only requires acceptance. That right there is a decision and an action and it changes the dynamics immediately. Notwithstanding BP's lying & mass destruction which has my ire up because Mother Earth & her sea creatures are very fragile.
The effacing of one's self - and I'm not at all zen as the few who know me can attest - and focussing on the "other" actually fulfills one's own needs. We all have a gift; we find it when we let go of ALL the "stuff". When we do, magic happens!
Gr8 article lovely Cara Barker.
Thank you
Catherine
When we get to that point, the world's suffering only requires acceptance. That right there is a decision and an action and it changes the dynamics immediately. Notwithstanding BP's lying & mass destruction which has my ire up because Mother Earth & her sea creatures are very fragile.
The effacing of one's self - and I'm not at all zen as the few who know me can attest - and focussing on the "other" actually fulfills one's own needs. We all have a gift; we find it when we let go of ALL the "stuff". When we do, magic happens!"
In lieu of that, I will print them out and put them in a place of honor on my desk.
Peace, love, joy be with you, my friend,
Cara
Ah, you caught me. Remind me not to gloss over feelings when I'm communicating with a Jungian Analyst. I tried to brush over it and still feel like I wasn't hiding the truth. The way I've been exercising my right to be human and imperfect is that I've been a cranky bastard lately. At least until I catch myself. Then, sometimes I don't do the course adjustment I've told myself in my more peaceful mind that I'd do and I keep on being the curmudgeon. Both of my friends are getting a little piqued about it.
I believe that if I can settle my mind for some good meditation it will help, but for the last week I've just been too scatter brained to maintain the peaceful moments. I wonder how much worse it'd be without my just breathe time and Ed and Deb's soft belly reminder. Anyhow, since I noticed it, I can work toward calming it. Now where's today's agenda? I need to schedule "fix the crank" time.
Stay awesome,
little brother
What healing balm are your words! But, first, I must ask you, do you know Sue Monk Kidd's classic book about bees? If not, run, not walk to your bookstore! I've been fascinated by them, no small part due to the fact that I, too, am very allergic. They are very important little critters. It's said cross-culturally, and symbolically, that the bee is a 'heavenly messenger.' Many reasons why.
Now, to the balm: as 'we speak,' I'm packing up boxes for our own move. Just last night I saw my grandbaby at our new place, (she lives 1/2 mile from it), and her little 5 month, 15 day smile just stole my thoughts away from the painting tarps, which are everywhere, and that whole scene. What teachers our precious children are, bringing us back to what matters. How blessed you are with yours in your life, and she, to have had her soul chosen you as her mama! This is clear to me.
Where are you located in Northern Ca.? Sometimes, depending on speaking events, I get down that way.
Love and blessings,
Cara
Keep notes about your move. I could use them! Meanwhile, I'll take the time to touch the skin of our P.N.W. trees inbetween boxes!
I am keeping detailed notes about the move, some to share with my daughter when she's older, some to process my own feelings about it.
I guess i was a bit cryptic, but I am the father - her mother stayed in the house we lived in together. I moved out, about twenty miles away to a town just near San Luis Obispo on CA's Central Coast about two weeks ago - we tried hard but there were things that seemed unrepairable, some of which you've covered in previous articles. I have to hope that my own guides and conscience were right (and that I heard correctly) about ending the romantic relationship and working on being co-parents to this little being of Light.
The touching the skin of the trees has been something my daughter and I have done together almost since she was ready to be outside. I too have always been fascinated by honeybees so i will certainly look for the book. I like the thought of them as "heavenly messengers." I took my last final exam in college twenty years ago in the first stages of anafalactic shock after stepping on a bee on the way (not advisable).
Congratulations on your move near your grandbabies! Do you live in Woodinville? My father lives at Cottage Lake and I have been spending a (smaller and smaller) part of summers and some Christmases there for twenty years or so.
Blessings to you,
Jude
“We, like the honeybee, come with beautiful purpose, even when, temporarily, we lose our way. It's not what we lose, or even who we lose, that defines our future. It's what we do with what we've lost, whether we choose to grow, to step up. “
Teaching and Healing are of course the same thing - and the relationship is not a one-sided affair, as you point out. Everyone “teaches” what they themselves need to “learn” - so who is the “teacher” and who is the “student?”
It is meaningful to me that you, too, appreciate that we have beautiful purpose, no matter what. Sometimes, when we hit the skids, it is easy to forget, and yet, the truth remains. You've noted something that's fascinated me for eons: the incredible relationship between healing and teaching. We are truly 'in the soup' together, aren't we?
How are you?
Love your way,
Cara
Being in Toastmasters, I have been giving speeches lately on forgiveness and dealing with "difficult" people (there's no such thing in my view). I feel I have so much to learn, and learn the most when I try to tell someone else about it. I sometimes feel frustrated that all I seem to be able to talk about are recycled ideas from others.
The teacher/healer topic reminds me of the Wounded Healer archetype. Not being intimately familiar with Jung's views, it seems to me that a teacher/healer would ideally be present with all aspects of herself, including the wounds. The sense I get (from Wikipedia, to confess) is that Jung saw this as a bad thing. I'm wondering what your experience has been.
Many blessings,
Arnie
The Red Book, particularly Jung's illustrations which were just released, might be very helpful for you.
Also, re the speaking: fear not. I remember the exact same sense of 'recycling' other's stuff years ago, I've been a professional public speaker for 42 years. It took me a long, long time to encounter the whole issue of 'Voice.' Initially, I heard the word 'voice,' and it resonated. However, finding it was something else. Someday, it would be fun to do a teleconference on the subject if there were sufficient interest. To me, it is Vital. We each have 'particulars' in our life, (experiences, gifts, lessons) that are unique, and very contibutory to the whole. Jung was one of my teachers who taught me that if you go down deeply enough into the personal unconscious, you will meet the universal. That's when things get pretty darn exciting.
Love you way,
Cara
It's probably a door through which much of humanity has become accessible for the first time for us in history. It seems like most of the hard lessons concerning purpose, forgetting, resisting the forgetting, learning and tracing the unspeakable originate in trauma.
There is irreversible loss as well, and not all lessons can be learned. But those that come from survivors of trauma have a connotation of incorruptibility.
Being open to them is helpful to gain perspective about the smallness and pettiness of many other apparent 'threats'.
The only place on which I might be on a different page from what you've said so poignantly, is that "...and not all lessons can be learned..." It is my experience that it is possible to learn in every situation, to the degree I am willing to open my mind, and my heart. That, plus a willingness to know that 'for everything, there is a season..." It seems that so many lessons are recycled again and again, that we might assimilate the lesson with more depth and more perspective.
It is amazing, isn't it my friend, that trauma seems to be central to 'lessons learned,' including the sorting out of what's important, and what's mental 'riff-raff.'
I love the word you use: 'incorruptibility,' because awakened trauma Master Teachers do seem to have made contact with what is elemental, incorruptible, steadfast, grounded. Not all trauma victims, for sure, but certainly the Masters who shift from 'aint it awful' to what can grow, what good might come, from this which is before me?
I, too, am inspired by them, as well as humbled. While we are at it, I am inspired by you, and humbled by the giver of life that you are.
How goes it in your 'neck of the woods' this week?
Love to hear,
Cara
To be honest, I was actually reading about these things in my neck of the woods this week. It's why I get the feeling that learning about and understanding trauma is a sort of eye-opening mode of access to human history.
Initially I was a little worried that there's a danger in evolving into an overly anti-septic approach. But I am now comfortable that there are ways of avoiding that.
I plan to learn from it.
Yes, it is so that all are teachers, after all. Some of my greatest learnings have come from individuals who've clung to dark ways of living with such tremendous tenacity, that it was compelling to notice where the 'mirror effect' might be at work. It is certainly understandable that, when dwelling for a long time in fear, the very prospect of something better is frightening. We might have to begin, take a step onto another unknown section of the Path.
I understand from some quantum physicists that all it will take is about 5% of the population to shift the planet toward something much more in harmony with why we are here, that 'deep reality,' of which we are an outgrowth.
Certainly, you, my friend, are a '5%'-er!
What's been your most recent teaching these past few days?
Love,
Cara
"master teachers only ever teach what we already know, but are too afraid to believe"
This is so true - we all to one degree or another hide our light under a basket of fear and illusion. And our greatest "teachers" are often those who push our buttons the most, thereby teaching us where our own fears and illusions lie.
Cara
...we are charged with becoming Sons and Daughters of the One Family that is this world...
Yes we are. I feel it too. My sense of needing to help and a feeling of accountability towards others really relates to my idea of my ideal self. I know very well that there are many like me who find pleasure and value in lending a helping hand. I love this neighborhood we live in. It's not defined by geography but instead it is bound only to the desire of people to join in and do something that is good for all, not just our personal family. Fortunately, we're allowed to be human too. I've exercised that option a bit much lately. This HP Living section is like one tenement in the city of love. Be good to you Cara.
with loving care,
little brother.
How I love you! Truly, you are a Brother, a Son of our One Family. Your words move me:
I love this neighborhood we live in. It's not defined by geography but instead it is bound only to the desire of people to join in and do something that is good for all, not just our personal family. Fortunately, we're allowed to be human too."
Know that you are one of my favorite neighbors, too, in this tenement of ours.
Say, what have you been 'exercising' lately re the option? Let me know!
Love,
Cara