There are those days, those times, those zones when no matter what you try, regardless where you turn, the answer eludes the grasp. Latitude and longitude fly out the window. A map is needed to restore faith in life. And this doesn't even begin to cover a mislaid sense of humor! This subject is near and dear to the heart of anyone who navigates that tricky place on the path referred to by St. John of the Cross as the "Dark Night of the Soul." While this may well be necessary "grist for the mill" of transformation, as Ram Dass put it long ago, it is not the sort of faire that makes for doing the "happy dance" at the time.
The subject is no stranger, either, to one of our most recent silent members at what has been dubbed, by HuffPost readers, "Cara's Café." Unbeknownst to the rest of us before last week, this "everyman" has come to the café table, is witnessing the universal search for the GPS to the soul. His path has moved us all (see archives, last week, "Reunion with Soul"). Hence, I address the following to him, to you, and to anyone you might know that searches for their soul map, a way back home to what matters most.
Please know this. I am no stranger to this search. Consequently, I will not waste your time, or insult your intelligence, with theory. The most fruitful answers have come to me through empirical experience: the journey itself, to that place within where wisdom dwells, and healing holds sway.
Ironically, our educational institutions neither mention the portal nor the process of realigning ourselves in the direction toward that which we not only seek but, indeed, toward that which seeks us. Perhaps the faculty remain mute on the subject, for it is an inside job. Life is the teacher; we are the student.
Our pop quizzes come in infinite forms: relationships, profound losses, disappointments in love, economic, career, health issues, geographical relocations, betrayals, broken dreams. But however they come, they take us to our knees. If you do not know what I am talking about, read no further. But if you, or anyone you know, have ever been humbled, your ego "taken to the woodshed" for a whipping while your well-polished and manicured identity lays fractured on the ground, read on, and feel free to forward.
It is to you that I write the following love letter, from blood-stained ink of the bumps and bruises acquired through my own process, and accompany those who come to relocate their own soul's GPS and move forward.
Love Letter to the One Who's Temporarily Lost His GPS
As my friend Martin Kerr has sung, "I know you are out there." I know that here, in your private room, in the middle of the night, when you cannot sleep, there are more questions than answers. I know, as well, that in the really tough times, it seems impossible to even name the question. This is a noisy world, my friend. How difficult, if not impossible, it is to find resolution to what befalls us, when we are bombarded by distraction. Not only outer nonsense, but it is the inner chaos, our agendas, thoughts, memories, projections, comparisons and resistance to what is changing that we cannot alter that makes it impossible to find the necessary space and safety make our way through the debris and enter the quiet.
What quiet, you might ask? I know, I know. This is the stillness waiting quietly for our return, when like the prince in Sleeping Beauty, our very soul urges us to cut through the thick brambles of our distractions to find the beauty that resides within, albeit nearly drugged asleep by the thorn of worldly seductions. But wait, it does for our return. To let distractions go, to stay with the discipline of this practice of the "listening heart" is more rigorous than an Olympic event, and it is no less heroic.
I know that you have tried many things to assuage your suffering. I know you have been a "good little soldier" and stayed strong during your private "pop quizzes" when most would have wilted. I know that you hide your pain of feeling lost more of the time than anyone would suspect. I know that you do not like to whine or call attention to yourself, for fear of intruding. I know, like me, there are times when you are aware that stillness is what you need, yet you resist like the plague entering it, for fear of what you will find and what will find you.
I also know there are times when you blame yourself. But I ask you, has this improved your situation? I think not. Self-blame is merely one more distraction, one more dodge from the only thing that ever saves: the wisdom inside your heart, the food alone that nourishes the soul.
Facing "what is" now in your life cannot be easy. Facing life as it is, particularly when compared to what we'd hoped and planned, forces a peeling away of identity, the who we believed we must be to be valued, treasured, and loved "as is."
The real question is: How can we liberate ourselves from the thankless role of feeling like grapes in the press? How can we be free through whatever path we've been given? We must come to our own answer. No course, no book, no expert advise can give it to us via the express lane. It comes through cultivating a genuine relationship with silence in the stillness, through embracing the pause between how we've been living, what we've believed to be so, and what is around the corner that we have not met.
When I have practiced this inquiry myself, my answer has come piecemeal over a long time. The time it has taken has brought untold bouts with impatience, self-doubt, frustration, and anger. On the other hand, the time it has taken is akin to the time it takes to distill a good sauce: steady, even heat on low, stirring the pot, waiting for what will come.
What has come, in my own case, is the answer to my quest all gets down to love. As the poet put it: "I made a vow, and a vow was made for me." It has taken more than 60 years for me to "come clean" with that vow, to accept it as my GPS in this incarnation, and to live it out sincerely. Simply put, I am a fool for love in a mistrusting world. It is, however, only my little answer.
Each of us is left to find our own. You must look to you. You are on a search and rescue mission of soul. Look to what your heart finds thrilling. Look to what brings you awe and wonder, regardless how small. Trust what you find splendid, glorious, renewing. This is nothing other than your answer, embedded in that underground river of your own best self. Trust what comes. It is real for you. Living by it and recording your footsteps on this map will make you free.
Liberation comes with a toll. Make no mistake about it. It is the Pearl of Great Price. And, like the pearl, the knowing of the thing begins with embracing those microscopic little irritants that you find along the way. Know they are for you. Know that whatever is your path, it is there with purpose.
Each path is different. My own came through the loss of a child. Nothing in the world touches me more than children. Naturally, nothing could reach me more than the severance of such a bond; nothing could get my attention more completely, to the call of the beloved, when all else appears gone.
The incredible thing about your path, whatever it might be, is that it holds the capacity for you to more deeply come into the grace that comes alone from the Beloved. Grace is never given by the ego, by its worldly possessions or ambitions, but remains the domain of the most sacred, known by infinite names. The Beloved offers us, in the stillness, the exquisite opportunity to lean forward, into the moment, and yet simultaneously step back, fully witnessing the suffering, the pain. Each of us, through our stories of anguish (and yes, of joy) are given the chance to hear the call to who we really are beneath our conditions and circumstances.
This is the call of the Beloved, at work through our lives, through what we don't want and through what we do want, to live again. How often do we hear those we know say they are afraid of dying? But the greater fear is fear of living. Really, truly living, free to be who we are, as glorious as we are, right here, right now, damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead. Bathe yourself in love through all that comes. For love is who you are in splendid packaging. Talk about a gift! This gift is you, being you, in a world that needs the glory that you are, beginning with telling the truth as only you can.
I say, "To life. To love. To love at work through you!"
With love,
Cara
Your turn: What helps you find your GPS? I'm listening! Thanks for forwarding this to all you know. I will be back 5/16/12, God willing!
New: For those who wish accompaniment, copies of The Love Project: Coming Home are now available in second printing. Contact me below.
For more, see carabarker.net. For updates, contact me at carabarker.com or dr.carabarker@gmail.com. To save time, click on Become a Fan.
For more by Dr. Cara Barker, click here.
For more on mindfulness, click here.
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
Russell Bishop: Soul-Talk: How to Rise Above Your Negative Emotions
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/05/11/letter-from-a-mother-to-a-daughter/
i have read all the blogs. so much is hitting right at home. so much to say about this journey i have been on. but its still evolving. and i am evolving from this. i try to express but the words cant come to me as its all still settling and there may be more but i wanted you to know how much these blogs are part of my journey. and i am grateful for them, you and the cafe. ill be back soon. but know i am reading and paying attention. i am finding peace within the chaos. love love love to you all.
"Grace. Its the name for a girl. Its also a thought that can change the world." U2
And with you and our collective tribes I can honestly say........"I ain't goin' down that road of love by myself."
I love ya all over again.
Bill
Mother`s day is coming up.This is for you who is a Dad and Mom to your girl. Who says you are alone ? We all join hands to take the "road of love ".
Much LOVE..Gypsy
http://youtu.be/gfq1fvxDido
The answer to yours , you sneak...picked up that bar viisit on the same WWDT, today, didn't ya...?.
Btw ..On facing the wall thingy, if it was upto me, my hubby would be sitting facing the wall, all the time !
I am silly too today...;)
I am in shock! They did not print my quote from a well respected NPR show??? Are you kidding? I am so dissappointed I am almost... hell I don't know what! On top of that it was a contextual joke... what a bunch of bozos!
Apparently the qualifications to be a HuffPost guardian of Political Correctness requires that you displace good sense with knee-jerk, namby-pamby BS when intellect and judgment would normally be used.
I am sorely miffed... not because they expunged the quote, any monkey with a delete key can do that, but that they did not see the context or the point of it. Maybe they are related to the presumptive Repub candidate with his lack of a sense of humor.....
Amazing!
Lawson
Hi Gypsy, I remember Z trufflesniffer from Cara's site. I've only noticed that she's not been on that site and I've no seen her elsewhere. Didn't she say that her mom was sick? That's the last I recall about her. If she is reading I do hope she'll reveal herself so we can know how her mom is doing..
Yes, people come and people go for whatever reasons. I miss a couple but that's the way it is.
Of course this innocent reply may go into the pending hopper as well.
I've been having fun with a great group over on Entertainment who watched Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbach last night and are still salivating. The first of this season's series is superb. It had me laughing when BC had a line that he delivered subtly and I'd catch it. This happened several times. The writers are going to be winning awards all over the place.
Then I had to search for other BC movies I just found out about. Whew!
I'm off for the evening as it seems I do have another life.
Hugs and love from us.
The Cafe does travel! That is to say, there is movement in your writing and in the comments as we evolve to meet, what I call, Mrs Life presents to us.
My own Soul journey this week has been accepting that my Mama, as I knew her, is now obscured by dementia and I felt sad missing her as I once knew her. A friend sent me this inspiring video which assisted me to take another view: The Gentle Art of Blessing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WegAgepCYfo
And another that touched me about Gavan Byrne http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LFPTwVMUVE&feature=player_embedded
On the Soul's Journey, I find some very beautiful signposts. Wishing you all the beauty of Hawaii and those who are joining together to celebrate.
With loving and appreciation,
Anne
All I can say Anne, is that I truly wish you were joining Lady J and Moi. You know that we are a Sisterhood, if there ever were one.
As for your mama, I can only say that I feel the ache. I have a family member myself, right now, who has entered that fog, and it is surely a heartbreaker. So often we think of loss as death, but the gradually slipping into the other side is a series of mini deaths that affects the entire circle. If there is anything, anytime that I can do to support you, Anne, say the word. If not Kona, perhaps a cup of tea shared over the sea by phone? You say the word and I am there.
The links you sent are wonderfully touching. I sense there are a number of readers here who will find them so, as well, and more than useful.
You and your mum, (and yes, your father's Spirit, too) are in my prayers,
Cara
“You are on a search and rescue mission of soul. Look to what your heart finds thrilling. Look to what brings you awe and wonder, regardless how small. Trust what you find splendid, glorious, renewing…”
I think my biggest obstacle in this regard is my lack of trust. Sometimes I’m so focused on feeling secure that I miss the awe and wonder just around the corner waiting to be discovered. I’m reminded of a trip Sam, Steve, and I took to Calif. in Dec. ‘10. Driving through the Sierra Nevada Mountains in our little rent car, we decided to take the shorter of 2 routes suggested by the GPS system for our next destination. Approaching the cut-off to our desired location, we discovered the road was in rough shape. Still, we took it, even after we saw the sign that said, “Primitive road – drive with caution.” The further we went, the worse the road got. Of course, being the security-conscious one, I reasoned we should retrace our tracks and take the longer (and safer) route. But Sam and Steve were feeling adventurous, and convinced me to stay the course. We dodged giant potholes and multiple rock slides, but the payoff came as we rounded the next corner and beheld the most glorious series of cascading waterfalls imaginable. Had turned back, as I suggested, we would have missed the splendor and grandeur of that soul-stirring moment.
Have a blessed trip!
Much love,
Sharon
What a great title, "Primitive Road"! Got to give that some thought.
The lesson within your story is the essence of one of Cara’s points: the rough road has its rewards when we persist and follow our chosen path; the splendor and grandeur in life certainly can stir the soul!
Thanks for the inspiration…
Lawson
Let me tell ya, it was way more of an adventure than the 250 work limit would allow me to express! At one point on that road we saw a different metal sign warning against trespassers that had so many bullet holes in it you could barely read it. I remember thinking, "Ok, if we suddenly hear 'Dueling Banjos' we're in even bigger trouble than I previously imagined!" Fortunately, my worst fears were never realized, and instead we reaped the rewards of sticking with the adventurous path. By the time we reached the end of that road we were all laughing in giddy delight at our good fortune, and somehow I just knew we were meant to be in that very place at that very moment, basking in the unexpected spectacle of beauty of the road less traveled.
Take care my friend,
Sharon
So much applause your way, oldandweird. For the record, I find your way of 'seeing' and 'beholding' filled with life and right on schedule, and up ahead in the really exciting frontier. fanning.
do come back for a visit,
Cara
Enjoy your trip lovely ladies. Don't get sunburn.
bon voyage,
little brother
hugs,
Always in my heart, you are,
Cara
p.s. the sunblock is packed! xxxooo
You are off to the Big Island with your long time friend Judith. Aloha and have a wonderful time. It's the only island I've not visited.
Another great article Cara. Two thoughts jumped out at me while reading and one is that liberation comes at a great toll. I shall have to spend some time pondering that one. The other is "the answer to my quest all gets down to love." That a biggie I've found since the big betrayal with love in my life I can say I've learned a thing or two. And I takes you are correct Cara. It takes a big and patient heart to start over with that love you share with another. With friends, it's been easier and I'm blessed in that area. But to love another in affairs of the heart took a lot of time and even more work on myself and patience with the other person. I didn't think I'd ever be capable of that kind of love again but then so much depends on that other person and I walked into a college classroom and there he was. And I learned much more than the subject of photography he taught.
I'll be thinking of you strolling on the beach at sunset.
hugs,
You know, my friend, there have been many times when I have experienced what you describe. The challenge to my ego was so great, that all I could do was 'turn over' myself to a Greater Love, and ask 'It' to help me out, because I lacked the sufficient mastery of patience, and unconditional love to do it on my lonesome. This request has never failed me. What is on me is to ask. We are only human, after all, and must be patient and compassionate toward our little efforts to do our best.
hugs right back at you,
Cara
All Good your way,
Cara
I make my weekly cyber pilgrimage to your site because I love what you have to say and also the for sense of community in "Cara's Cafe". But today I find that you've illustrated the constricting beliefs I've been working to shed for several years with this ..."Facing life as it is, particularly when compared to what we'd hoped and planned, forces a peeling away of identity, the who we believed we must be to be valued, treasured, and loved "as is."...
It's as if someone climbed into by mind and organized many disconnected thoughts into a cohesive idea, and stated it beautifully. For me the biggest difficulty is identifying the beliefs that have been a part of me for so long that I don't even recognize them as decisions I once made in childhood circumstances.
Love,
little brother
You know, my brother, it is all in the rewrite. Our narrative becomes so ingrained in us that we do forget it is we who authored the entire affair! For myself, it is only when I stumble over the obvious, (the self-limiting beliefs) that have me ensnared, do I remember that yes, indeed, I am free to edit.
This is such an essential cornerstone for coming home to ourselves. In fact, I have deeded over an entire section (one of four) in my latest book The Love Project. Here you will find much more content about the subject, and, I am told, extremely helpful ways to focus and work through the snares.
Wishing you so much love and joy, freedom and fun,
Cara
P.S. I'll be back on 5/16 after my holiday. hugs
Re back to the camel: I am chuckling out loud, having lived in the desert for three years. It is quite the place of testing, for sure.
For the record, your ego must be pals with mine. My little monkey mind has great resistance to making room for Soul, and whines, moans and bouts, in a general hissy fit when 'he' doesn't get his way. Over and over I am challenged with finding new forms of banana to placate the little guy to get off the throne, for he is not the Big Boss, although he is sure he is! Oh, how I must work to find compassion for him!
Here's to the oasis as needed, and the camel when it is time. Sending you a thermos of Living Waters for the journey,
Cara
Thanks for hosting the cafe and showing such concern for your community.
blessings! skt
Thanks,
Cara