These are volatile times, particularly for the sensitive and loving heart. Just this weekend, a beautiful young woman on the cusp of the life she'd hoped for was found dead in her hotel room from unexpected causes. Meanwhile, others reel from the shock of other unexpected deaths, violent losses, fearful diagnoses, and deeply disturbing financial forecasts in their own bank accounts. Meanwhile, on the international front, Steven E. Calvery, spokesman for the Pentagon, described a "random incident" of shots fired at the Pentagon, creating reverberating circuits around the world. Just one day earlier, travelers everywhere were cautioned to rethink their travel plans due to news reports of rising terrorist threats across Europe.
One thing is for certain: we are not short on challenges. When faced with the unimaginable and traumatizing, how can you restore your footing? It is a given that obstacles will appear on the path. If you've lived long enough, you know this. The question is, when troubles come, how do you restore confident footsteps and shake off fear? How do you "get back on the horse"? How do you redirect your focus in such a way that your inner strength is galvanized? Below is an abbreviated checklist of steps to take, for those of you in a hurry. (Those interested in the full-length article will find it on my blog at carabarker.net. Do come by!)
Here's my action plan for tapping your inner strength when you face the overwhelming:
1) Stop. Stop whatever you are doing, and respect yourself. The nanosecond you receive deeply disconcerting news, pay attention to your reaction, and honor your upset. Take your stopwatch off, and take your own sweet time.
2) Know that your limbic system is in overdrive, your sympathetic nervous system on red alert. (This means that cortisol is racing through your system and wreaking havoc on your capacity to think clearly and act productively.) What you need most right now is to slow things down, and this means what we call "down regulating" the stress response, getting your parasympathetic nervous system on board. The quickest way to do this is to "take a breath," meaning turn towards you and away from the outer world. Notice the depth of your breathing, which is most likely very shallow. Choose to take regular deep breaths until you get your bearings.
3) Remember you are not alone. Although you might feel alone, you are not alone.
4) Contact someone who cares about you. (If what's shocking is severe enough, you might not be able to remember a phone number. Preemptive strike: input emergency numbers onto your phone so that you need not remember pesky details during times when blood supply to the brain is in short supply.) Ask for help. Just say something like this: "I'm in trouble and need your help." Step up. You deserve assistance. Walking down life's hallway requires a buddy system.
5) Remember that whatever is happening, you will get through this. Resources exist, trust me. This can be sorted out with a good, knowledgeable listener, when your thinking is unclear.
6) Stay in the moment. Do not get ahead of yourself. Tomorrow will take care of tomorrow. Your job right now is to keep your focus on the main thing: the present moment, you, and regaining your inner strength.
7) Keep the main thing, the main thing. Remember, what you are thinking right now, in the midst of what's troubling, seeds what sprouts tomorrow in your life. If you get ahead of yourself in worries of tomorrow, you will compromise your effectiveness and healing, and make poor decisions. This is a wake-up call to discover the essential by letting go of the non-essential.
8) Listen. Return to breaths that cleanse, calm. Enter the stillness. (If you practice this in non-troubling times, it will be easier to do this in the worst ones. Do yourself this one favor every day. While it might seem like a luxury, and you might tell yourself the story that you "don't have time," this is unwise. Cultivate enough self-respect to develop your own practice every day.)
9) Remain in this inner landscape, and connect with that which is deeper than what's disturbing in the moment. Breathe. Open yourself to deeper connection and contact with your own depths. Here is where the treasure lays, your own interior wisdom. Trust it.
10) Write down whatever comes to you, that restores your strength. Trust it. Act on it.
11) Refuse to participate, to be manipulated, by fears of tomorrow.
12) Cancel spending time with the histrionic, the moody, the naysayers, and those who love to dwell in "awful-izing."
13) Note who "shows up" in helpful ways and who does not. This can be helpful when it's time to do spring cleaning in your contact list.
14) Practice spending 30 seconds every waking hour focusing on what soothes and calms and strengthens your body, heart and soul. Consider what uplifts your spirit. Breathe deeply. Enjoy these times of tapping your inner strength. At the end of the day, record your favorite 30-second practice that best soothed and strengthened you. Don't forget to do this if you are serious about wanting more "tappable" inner strength!
15) Over the next 21 days (longer is optimal), observe your train of thoughts. Test their truth with facts.
16) Remember, no matter how troubling your situation is, you are not your circumstances. This too shall pass. You will prevail stronger, more insightful, and more appreciative of this one life.
I invite you to join me. What helps you tap your inner strength when it seems to be waning? In what areas would you like to experience a deeper inner strength before the end of this year?
Thanks for dropping by and passing this checklist onto your friends. You just never know who and when will need it next! For more on this subject, see carabarker.net, where there is an in-depth discussion.
For updates, contact me at carabarker.net or dr.carabarker@gmail.com. To save time, click on Become A Fan at the top of this page. Stay tuned for upcoming developments with the Love Project, including "Practicing Love." Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter. Many thanks for passing this along to those who care about creating a better world.
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
Love to you, Cara
Usedtobequiet
So when we feel pain externally like getting burnt or cut we response by taking a look at the affected area. Internal discomfort also tell us that there is something wrong so we react by seeking medication.
When we feel stressed or depressed we should not mask the discomfort by taking pain killers instead we should listen to our body and move towards the discomfort. We don't fight the discomfort either. Meditation can be a useful way to 'listen' to our body.
When faced with the unimaginable and traumatizing, I feel like I'm in freefall without a parachute. I stick to working through the mundane logistics of normal life and whatever steps I can take toward dealing with the problem/event. But on the inside, I feel a sense of hopelessness. I know the feeling will wane if not completely dissipate, so I accept that I'm going to be on emotionally troubled for some time. The big difference between before and now is that if the event is caused by someone, I don't immediately go on the aggressive. I shut my mouth until I can say what I really mean rather than slinging a personnal attack. Breathing makes that possible.
Step 4 is the one that got my attention. I suddenly realized that I don't have anyone to go to if my problem revolves around my wife. Funny how I expect others to come to me but I don't open up to anyone about what troubles me.
Lotsa Love,
little brother
Funny how we make it so difficult to open up, to tell the truth. Or, maybe not. All we need do is take a look at the news, with the politician-speak, and see that telling the truth seems to be a skill set our collective is far from mastering.
I must admit, Little Brother, that I experience you as opening up in amazing ways. What makes this possible in this venue, that seems more difficult 'out there'? Let me know, won't you?
Meanwhile,
Love and joy your way,
Cara
We could all just take those 16 reminders and tattoo them on our foreheads for they are invaluable sources of strength and encouragement when the monkey mind has gone off the rails and we're lost in the fog of fear and doubt.
OK, maybe tattooing them on the forehead is not such a good idea, (I just had the picture of trying to actually read it backwards in a mirror) so instead, I'm going to print them out, find a fabulous magnet and attach them to the door of my refrigerator, where, on my frequent visits to graze and find nourishment, I can be constantly nourished by the real food my soul is searching for. You are a source of the kind of wisdom this weary world so greatly needs. Just keep on writing..... we're listening.
In appreciation of the priceless gift you are,
Judith
Funny you mention 'weary world.' Reminds me of the book I wrote awhile back called: "World Weary Woman: Her Wound and Transformation." The issue goes back 2000 years plus. We are not new in the discovery of this weariness, but when it comes to our door each time, the details are unique. No end to growth in sight.
Loving you and your humor,
Cara
What helps you tap your inner strength when it seems to be waning?
meditation, Chinese herbs, ski season coming, writing, retreat
enjoying life!
Missing you each.
How's Deb?????????????
Love,
Cara
big love to the paw!
fristly love the blog. but it is one that my lama in LA would say read it, then read it slowly. lama gyasto knows to stop to smell the roses. what becomes deeper in our heart thanb the secnt of your favrite rose, i bet you can smell it now. I confess tio starting to read the blog a second time, life has gone off the rails, you wouldnt believe it, well you probably would, any way i was cleaning my desk and came out something that i jotted down it was from the 90's but wasn't it telling...
i promise to read ther blog...its been crazy making around here.
You never forget to pack tender compassion in your bag, Pema! What a Light you are. For the record, I can smell that rose, right this very moment. In fact, the rose is really roses!
Re your comment about 'life gone off the rails:" I am a member of a marvelous group of Jungian analysts, as well as another of clinical psychologists. One of the striking things, these days, is how many, many people are experiencing this. You are in very good company, I can assure you.
Sounds like it's time to put aside any tasks for the outer world, and do what lama gyasto adivses, for as long as needed.
I'm with you. I love your honesty, Pema. Would love to hear more of what's transpiring......
Love, Cara
There is a great darkness that the one we fight, It is the darnkess of the soul. that has lost its way.
The war we is not against powers and principalities it is against chaos and despair.
Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams, against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us in moments of tranistion to be born in moments of
revelation.
No one knows the shape of that future or where it will tke us, we know only it is always born in pain
My heart is with you. You hold us all so beautifully. To the roses!
P. S. I just shared this. It was 'just the ticket'.
Peace and blessings,
Cara
please fell free to snatch out whatever is written that you choose.
this show babylon5 (babylon=mouth of god) has brought in some real jems.
once J'kar had transformed from a bit of a evil fellow to what his world saw as a relgion icon. these poor Narn understood only the heel of the boot on them and fighting back. they read some thought s he had written and wanted a teaching he begrudgingly went, one student said what is turth and what is god ? J'Kar shook his said ahhh hmm truth is a river. the student not sastisfied said but what is god? A light went off in J'Kar and smiling said God is the mouth of the river. IMO, J'Kar would have made a great Jungian ;)
Just you being you is the miracle, Pema.
Love,
Cara
When I feel uncomforatable physically or stressed out I would listen to my body starting from the mind to the most uncomfrotable part of the body. I would sit quietly with calm and clear awareness without fear then move to the most uncomfortable part. Firstly at the peripheral part of the pain then move in to the most uncomfortable area gradually. Just stay with the pain and bear with it without getting involve or withdrawing from that area. Like lending an ear to a friend in distress. After a while the pain will dissolve away. Do it again when it appears. Each time when it rises again the discomfort weakens.
I observe that women who keep a grudge against their mother often develop health problem but this is only my personel observation please ignore it.
I hope this will be helpful to you Ms Cara I wrote this while meditating last night and thought about you.
I want to also thank you for your description of your process. The truth is that I just conferenced with a man who is so stressed, that he is challenged around the fact that he has a body, much less that it is communicating tohim in splendid ways. He wondered whether there might be a "manual" that would tell him 'how?' I told him, yes. The curriculum is inside, and his body, and open mind/open heart the faculty. I shall refer him to what you've written. I do believe it would be a real gift for him and his teckie friends, also challenged in similar ways.
We are 'on the same page,' you and I.' What would we do without our meditation???????? As for grudges, my experience is that not only are they toxic, but they disconnect us from Flow.
Love and Flow your way,
Cara
When my dark night of the sould came (the darkest one anyway) I prayed to die. I meant it too. Anxiety was my shadow always with me. Fear ruled my compass. IT was easily the most challenging stretch of road ever for me.
For actual survival I ended up doing about 10 out of your 15 steps. Now the road is smoother. I'm getting there and enjoying more of the ride along the "Road of Love." Still it is so great to see those friendly road signs posted by D.C. (Doctor Cara) that read Rest Area - Free Coffee Ahead.
Peace on ya island girl. Hope you are getting around more easily these days.
Bill
The thing about the 'dark night' is that it really is experienced as the Dark Night. Others might theorize about it,but, as you know, when we hit it, we are in it. Period. No wiggle waggle out, allowed. Patience is the key. Patience and perspective. Breathing doesn't hurt. My own D.N.'s have stretched me past old skins when monkey mind did NOT want to let them go. So, let's hear it for the Rest Areas. Little monkey needs a break, too. Labor and delivery always makes us sweat. It also gives us a healthy appetite for what nourishes growth, delights the heart, and celebrates the newborn back home from the forest.
And, yes, the hobble has less of a hitch in it. By December I'll be back in the gym, and beginning walks on the beach, at least little ones.
My love and gratitude are with you, Bill,
Cara
Loving and listening.....................
Cara
Well it was like 13, 14, 16. I should have been doing them but I didn't have your list at the time. 30 seconds every hour is a great one. Now how do I remember in my tilt a whirl world?
Big hugs Cara. You are doiing such important work!
Bill
'Imagine you're in hell, and you want out'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZTaiDHqs5s
Or the mountaintop
http://www.transcotland.com/staircase.jpg
If it all looks a little dark and frightening, then that's because it is. But there IS a way out. Not without trusting the inner landscape, however. It's also not recommended to turn around too early when your beloved walks right behind you...
People have been there and done that. It can be done. Can it be taught? Or do we always learn it again? I'd say we're getting better at it, as a culture. Because that's what it means to contribute to culture: to provide some clues that make it altogether a little less frightening for the next generation.
And if we hadn't done that for a long long time, we'd still be fearing demons. Instead, we fear fear itself. :-)
You ask the most compelling question I've seen all day: can it be taught? We do hope, don't we, that by our awakening from our own dreams and nightmares, the space will be made for others to do so, too. After all, we do stand on the shoulders of those wayfarers who have gone before, begged for mercy, found it within, more or less, and gone on to Become more of who they were meant to be as co-creators. These are the Masters, the ones who compel us to look beyond the appearance of things, and into the Truth that 'sets us free.'
The caviat, though, is that we are experiential learners. As such, we seem compelled to find and extricate ourselves from our own created hells, and learn to dwell in the heaven that is beyond our need for things to be different than they are.
As all days, I wish you heaven in this moment, and this moment, and this, and...............
Love and hugs your way,
Cara
I will be writing this week about a charity called Simply Smiles that helps families deep in the jungles of Southern Mexico who have nothing to eat or make a living - until he came along. He feeds over 3000 people per month, and is helping to rebuild their coffee industry so they can become self-sustaining once again. We forget how very lucky we truly are.
~Kari
Love to you, my girl,
Cara
What would you say is the primary 'trigger' you've discovered?
I'd love to hear more.
Love to you, ruchild,
Cara
The action plan resonates with me.
It helps me to smile, let it all go and to spend time with nature, the desert to be specific. Nothing I haven’t said before. Maybe all of nature is this way but the desert has a way restoring my inner strength in tough times. It personifies survival, especially during the summer months. And if winter is kind with rain the desert smiles with color in the spring. But if winter does not cooperate, the desert adapts in stillness with each passing dry day, one at a time.
The desert has been a mighty teacher for me, too. You and I seem to be in a mighty club with the ancients at our back! It is not accident that we are told of the metaphor "40 days in the Wilderness." Not only is this true on a literal level about the desert, but as you point out beautifully, the desert is the ground for new life, with patience and a keen eye and open heart.
One day at a time,even if it appears a dry one, is the ticket!
By the way, if you read more at carabarker.net on the subject let me know what resonates back here. I'll check in later.
It is always a blessing to hear from you, and receive your open-hearted Wisdom and love,
Cara
"Trust yourself. Trust the Good. Trust the love that brought you here. Trust that whatever you are facing, even if it is a scarey call in the middle of the night, it is right on schedule, even if you hurt."
Resonate? It doesn't get any better.
This is, indeed the challenge, isn't it? The myth of the gods planting the supreme treasure where mankind would not look, inside us, is apt. The Treasure beyond compare is here, waiting in the Darkness. But it is we who must prepare ourselves, not only in the appearance of bad times, but in good ones as well, to do the dig: to step into the interior mine whether we are perceiving ourselves in a 'cave in' or not.
It is such an important topic that I wrote more on carabarker.net on my personal blog there on "9 Soul Saving Clues." I don't know a better day to begin a meditation practice, or continue one, than today, do you?
All good things,
Cara