As we approach February and the theme of love, I know of no better way to begin what is coming in the next few weeks than to share an interview with someone well-versed in the affairs of the heart, Agapi Stassinopoulos, this week.
Dr. Cara Barker: I know of few better companions for those who want to live more heart-centered lives, Agapi, than you. Each of us is purposed to serve a greater design, and your part in this design, having read your newly-released book, is clear to me. For decades I have been drawn to "Healing Love Wounds," in their infinite and individualized forms. So, as I sat snuggled up by the fire, during our recent snowfall in Seattle, with your new release, Unbinding the Heart, I knew in an instant that I was reading the words of a sister. Not just any sister, either, but my Greek Agape sister. How perfect your name, which, as you tells us, means unconditional love. This is you.
The truth is that your book offers a feast. Reading this work, published by Hay House, is tantamount to a journey back home to my favorite country on this earth: Greece. You have a unique way of opening doorways to something so much deeper than what any tourist guide can show. Through your voice, we are welcomed into the heart of what has endured for centuries: the indomitable spirit of the Greek civilization as lived out today in the heart of the home. The love atmosphere you describe is something, I am sure, that every reader will long to share. You transport us into the intimate, with details that tantalize the senses, and delight the soul. Honestly, I felt as though I were alongside your family, sitting beneath your mother's lemon tree, all while feasting, Greek style, on feta, fresh grown tomatoes, olives and grapes. In one way, I am reminded of Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love, for I sense you have a classic on your hands. There is no worthier subject than, as you put it: "Come to know the truth in our own heart."
Your voice, and your capacity for storytelling attune the reader's heart to yours, as you welcome us through portals to the treasure within. It is clear that you are a woman of many expressive talents. I found myself wondering what you might say to the reader who says to him or herself:
"I wish I had Agapi's talent, but I don't. How do I unbind my heart?"
Agapi Stassinopoulos: It is everybody's birthright to find their truth, their heart. We have this spark, this light in us, but we have our difficulties and challenges, and we do not know how much others struggle inside themselves. So, to compare us to anyone is a death sentence ... The call of our soul, if we want this more than anything, the seed is in our heart, and all we have to do is ask and go after it over the years... "
Dr. Cara Barker: Unbinding the Heart seems to involve myth-busting. I was struck by the way you turn beliefs upside down regarding stardom, wealth, love and voice. I would like to read a few, and have your response as if your reader were here. You write: "My adventures in America would lead not to stardom, but to a soul journey in which I would peel away the layers and come to know my self."
"... I would learn the joy of letting my love out with no expectations of the outcome, but simply because that was the most liberating course of action..."
"... Most of my transformation came when things didn't work..." (p.11)
These, and other comments led me to the issue of shedding, and its role in unbinding the heart. We cannot grow, cannot transform our circumstances, without releasing our beliefs about who we are and what we must do to arrive. So often we get stuck in the belief that we are our conditions and circumstances. This is not true. What this also means is that we have a great deal of "shedding work" to do.
Shedding expectations: What would you say to someone out there who believes that they must continue turning somersaults to please others?
Agapi Stassinopoulos: I was one of those people, and I know the somersaults so well, the bending backwards. I was compulsive, what could I do to bring people together, to open doors? We have to backtrack and find the origin of this behavior. As a kid I took on the job of making my parents happy, but it carries on to other relationships.
Dr. Cara Barker: Shedding worry: Many people are caught in endless worry. Your mother's words are so helpful: "When you worry ... you're moving yourself away from your center and its much harder to function effectively. When you stop worrying you come back into balance."
What would you add?
Agapi Stassinopoulos: "It takes an inner muscle to please yourself, to ask yourself who is this inner being inside yourself, so you can unbind your human-ness."
"It is important to find our own strength and leadership, which is not easy for women. Suddenly, I have to ask myself my motivation? Is it to be liked? It is so much more fulfilling to express your own truth, to make yourself happy, to be there for yourself, which overflows to others... and to invite them into your orchard!"
Dr. Cara Barker: Let's take a moment for the skeptics. You and I know there are those who would argue: "But isn't the world in trouble because people are too self-absorbed... " I have my answer for these folks, but I think we would benefit from hearing yours.
Agapi Stassinopoulos: I am not here to convince anyone. Each person must determine what is best for his or her own life. This is our freedom. When we choose to come into the dance, I think of it as building my orchard. If I build my orchard for myself, and I have an exclusive club for only a few to visit, then I've cheated myself. We are the generosity of our spirit. How do you share your spirit? I ask because this is where your fulfillment comes. When we bring others along into our orchard, and say, "come sit by me," everything is richer.
Dr. Cara Barker: There is another issue that warrants our attention. We live in a "drive-through" world and want results instantly. But there are no short cuts to soul. So I love your comment: "There are no 7 or 8 simple steps to unbind our hearts, but here is one choice we do have... "
You and I know that publishers seem to self-help steps, but as a depth psychologist, a Jungian Analyst, my experience resonates with what you are saying. I'd love to hear more for the person asking he or herself "How can I get this 'show on the road' faster?" Do I risk opening up one more time, or close off my heart?
Agapi Stassinopoulos: We think we open up our hearts to someone else, but we really are opening up our hearts to ourselves, and others are impacted. When I was in Hollywood, we look to others for validation, but when we are on the path for validation within... then the spiritual heart zone of which we really are, there is a presence of that, and it is open all the time. It is like you have to turn your focus inside, where you examine what is within, perhaps apprehension, and pain, but in the opening there is an exquisite vulnerability and tenderness, and in this we live. This is like a breeze on your face through the heart. This softness of the heart is not a weakness, but strength. We must make of ourselves an offering, for the spirit grows through giving. If we don't give we atrophy."
Dr. Cara Barker: With our world struggling through international financial woes, your mother's advise seemed particularly poignant for us each. You quote her as saying: "... Don't go into the world wanting. Go thinking about what you can give. And you will get what you want because you won't be going in as a beggar, or a miser, or starting from a position of lack." You go on to say: "My mother wasn't afraid to ask ... because she wasn't bound by notions of how things should happen. She didn't second-guess herself ... " (p. 18)
This is the problem, isn't it, particularly for the female gender. We have been taught to second guess ourselves, so when someone emerges out of her culture, like your mother from Greece, or my mother, a Finn, it is an astounding accomplishment leaving a big imprint.
Agapi, what would you say to those whose moms did second guess themselves? How would you suggest they shake this tendency in themselves?
Agapi Stassinopoulos: It gets down to trusting, a very big issue for all of us. I was at the eye doctor a week ago because my eyes were hurting. He took a picture of the optic nerve and he printed it. I realized there is intelligence inside me that made this eye. I don't know how to do this. It is a miracle. We take our miracles for granted, but we are living with miracles. I don't know whether people believe in God or intelligence or not. But who are we to say that we are less than that intelligence that made us? We could die tonight, and have nothing to do about it. Do we condemn ourselves? Our expression is in us, dying to come out, and we must find that spark that enlivens us. I was one of those people who couldn't find my spark and spent endless days suffocated. When someone would ask something of me, I would light up. I just had to risk, to dare rather than suffocate, even if I did fail. I had to find my own spark, even if nobody asked me to dance. Ask yourself to join the dance. It takes courage and trust.
Dr. Cara Barker: How sad I am that we are limited in space for more questions! My hope is that our readers will take themselves immediately to their favorite bookstore and order not only a copy for themselves, but for anyone they love who would benefit from Unbinding the Heart.
Dr. Cara Barker is a multiple author, artist and Jungian Analyst, and featured contributor for The Huffington Post. For more, see carabarker.net. For updates, contact me at carabarker.com or dr.carabarker@gmail.com. To save time, click on Become a Fan.
For more by Dr. Cara Barker, click here.
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Agapi Stassinopoulos: Unbinding the Heart
Lori Bryant Woolridge: Love: How To Really Find It
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.: Beauty, Gratitude and the Open Heart
How To Love Yourself First | Psychology Today
Rewire Your Brain for Love and Better Relationships | Mindfulness ...
I have learned my greatest knowledge in the midst of trials in my world, the journey of the soul is empowering, and leaves a lasting impression far greater than any materialistic episode.
Unbinding the heart is a great book and its author is a very generous 'Soul'.
What a Light you are. Many thanks,
Cara
Platinum, how often my mind wonders
through your quiet valley. The small stream
which flowed lived within your confines
as squirrel creek, with its' two 40 year old
pine plank bridges with knotted wood.
The head of whose stream flowed
from red mountain angling along the
side of flower picking hill, past mount
thorson on its' graveled path
to the mouth of salmon river.
Your crystal waters were not the fault
of your rushing turbulant ways for their
occasional cloudyness, but rather those
of us with our uncouth methods
of dispensing with our sewage.
The old frame houses which closed off
the families from one another, were built
with primitive plumbing, unaware of the
corrosive nature of carbide in your still
pools and klenex wrappers on the gentle
shores of your late spring tundra peddles.
Gone are the hours when swallows swooped
for insects to harbor gently the next years'
growth, protected youth against a harsher winter.
Where bees did spring each seasons blush
with blossoms and knew not the youth of
days of such would cease but for the call
and memory of once when sun rays flashed
the eyes and hearts did fly with tundras'
meadows stiring scense.
Rolf KrogsætherC1986
Many thanks your way,
Cara
to know how it was in the subjective past in the primitive times without tvs, radios, mobils, dvds war game play stations, a world of war craft in the asylum of earth.
Norge
Well, I am now back in the urban world and those windows face other windows and brick and concrete and the mountains are but a memory.
Civilization is so interspersed with the remnant of wildlife that one espies a column of helicopters bearing tourists while looking down upon Mendenhall glacier from a higher elevation in Tongass National Forest or one hears the rapid fire of rifles from the target range one mile away.from the same spot in Tongass.
Few places remain, tucked inside of canyons, where the silence is deafening. And even there, one may hear the faint whine of a twin engine prop.
Have it well Pratitya
From Norge
It is a sunny Seattle morning, a perfect time for "unbounding the heart". I love your twist on 'unbinding.' Unbounding brings thins into a whole deeper dimension: that Stillpoint of meditation, of Mindfulness, of Being. Melting, ah, melting: here is the peace that endures all things, brings the joy, the laughing Wisdom forward. Well said, well lived, flakes and all, patches, too!
I know Wisdom when I hear it. Your little patch is splendid, an aspect and expression of the 'pathless,' if you know what I mean!
Blessings and laughter your way, my friend,
Cara
So many thanks!!!!
Cara
Hi Agapi,
Agapi Stassinopoulos: It gets down to trusting, a very big issue for all of us.
One of my resolutions for 2012 is to more fully trust myself and my instincts. As I've written here previously, many of my mistakes in life have come because I've ignored the little voice in my head that told my what was right. As I strive to know myself and to understand truth I look inward quite often and that has helped immeasurably. But the insights I get weekly from you Cara and today Agapi illuminate concepts that I might never have realized. If I did, it would likely take years. So thank you.
Just yesterday I was contemplating my social status and what trade-offs I make with my sense of rightness to support it. Then today I read:
"It takes an inner muscle to please yourself, to ask yourself who is this inner being inside yourself, so you can unbind your human-ness."
How serendipitous. I feel like I've been given a better lens with which to explore this particular dichotomy of mine. Unbinding my human-ness is more than freeing my mind from shackles of dogma and arbitrary social constraints. I need to use my resources to help and one of my resources is my status. People tend to listen to my opinions based somewhat on that status. I've got a lot more thinking to do on this.
Hope you both have a fantastic day,
little brother
Thank you, Little Brother, not only for your Wisdom, but for trusting your process, and not hoarding it. You know connection like few do.
How grateful I am for you, my dear,
Cara
I'm not sure what happened to my response to you as it was my first one this evening. Let's keep the faith and the moderators will have it up any moment!
Peace, joy and humor your way, (and mine!)
Cara
Thought they were trying to run this Gypsy outta town...xo
I, too, am grateful for the mods handling our requests. Frankly, as a non-teckie, this whole exercise leaves me in the dust. Limping along, I do what I can with help, from them, from you, from the Good Itself. THank you for pressing forward, regardless the challenges.
Hugs,
Cara
THE BRAIN is wider than the sky,
For, put them side by side,
The one the other will include
With ease, and you beside.
The brain is deeper than the sea,
For, hold them, blue to blue,
The one the other will absorb,
As sponges, buckets do.
Emily Dickinsom
....p.s. I also would love to hear your answers to the skeptics at some point Cara or maybe I'll find more pointers in Agapi's book.
Much Love to both Annaliisa
As for my answer to the skeptics, the best I can say is that this is what's behind much of what I share each week, by writing onward, regardless.
So much love your way,
Cara
xoxo
So grand, always, to find you here when I enter. You state the situation so clearly, Shirley. Ahyes, to befriend the Self, this is our greatest task, and joy. The only thing I might add, which I know you know to be so, is that the outreach comes without agenda, doesn't it? No agenda about compensation or strings: just a pure gift from one heart to another. This is the ultimate abundance.
Know, Shirley, that I am in your march, side by side, with gratitude.
Love and blessings, Cara
A fine and meaningful interview; I read it twice. One thing I focused on was the message to find the spark within… what I call one’s passion in life, which lights the way not just in the light of day, but in the gloom of a bad night. I also believe within each person’s heart there are many seeds to be planted and nurtured as their tree grows to reflect their personal selfness.
That selfness is important: What better way is there to prepare to share yourself with others than to become a most magnificent tree that bears fruit to be shared.
An empty can holds no promise… beyond raw potential. It is up to the individual to fill it as they will, and hopefully the message in Agapi’s words below, will spur some filling…
“We think we open up our hearts to someone else, but we really are opening up our hearts to ourselves, and others are impacted.”
To realize your efforts for you do impact others, is to accept and appreciate the burden and the privilege of sharing that which you discover when you find and plant those seeds of your passion as your release the binding on your heart. Dancing together is better than dancing alone!
Loving the fruit from your tree!
Lawson
I agree. That spark within, from where I sit, is one which must be tended, that we might 'keep our candle shining in the Darkness. For Darkness always, all ways, precedes the Light. Once that spark is tended, the hope is that we do not 'hide it under a bushel,' i.e. beneath our layers of self-doubt and hesitation that stems from the former.
That you are in the Dance, my friend, is so very clear to each of us, for you do it with Grace, spelled capital G.
to the Dance, and the fruit which is harvested from it!
Cara
In this, and many things, I know you are a partner in Life worth living.
Big Hugs...Gypsy
There's much to ponder here and I think I'm going to have to spend some time with this unbinding of the heart and what it means to me and where this unbinding has been through the years and where it is now.
Some of us close the doors to the heart and all that it offers. I think going for a walk with the heart and setting it free, out of the guilded cage and watch it roam and see what happens.
No matter what happens to us in life, a broken heart still beats until that last breath is taken. Until such time, perhaps we should set out hearts free and let it be our guide for a change instead of insisting we be in charge or know better.
Until later when I've pondered some more, my heart and I send you love unbound.
As for the title, there is the idea of heart as separate, and then, in my experience, there is that One Heart, of which we all are housed, connected, inspired, nourished, consoled, and Called. The problem with closing our heart, and we all do at times, is that it creates an atrophy of living Love, a calcification of our Spirit. This we can ill afford.
Nor can we afford the gilded cage. My friend Maya Angelou wrote a marvelous book some years back on that score: "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings." In my home, the bird cages are all open. I mean that literally.
While I look forward to the 'more,' I am moved by what is here through your tender and strong heart, my friend.
So much love,
Cara
BULBUL'S song, through night hours cold,
Rose to Allah's throne on high;
To reward her melody,
Giveth he a cage of gold.
Such a cage are limbs of men,--
Though at first she feels confin'd,
Yet when all she brings to mind,
Straight the spirit sings again.
(Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)
As Cara says,h & h...~Frankly, as a non-teckie, this whole exercise leaves me in the dust. Limping along~, and getting tiresome for me. So lets put our feet up and enjoy the togetherness and then call it a night !
Hugs
On so many levels, including the harbor of creation, guided by the master itself, it is time to unbind. I think you'll appreciate this thought as no one else can possibly appreciate, given current circumstances.
I hear your voice so loud and clear through this interview, it is the only thing that resonates, if you know what I mean. Know that you are indeed a guiding light and we are blessed to have you guarding the entrance to the harbor of life, guiding the ships home safely.
Much love to you,
Judith
I do know what you mean! And, I thank you. As you know, I've done interviews for decades because I am so interested in drawing out the stories that people live, and those they wish to edit. Frankly, i've never thought about the 'voice' of the interviewer! What a treat: a whole new doorway to explore. As you know, it is all in the adventure!
For all these years of sharing the adventure, and experiencing your own Lighthouse, I am so fortunate. Love to you,
Cara
I feel like I may be ahead of the curve" on experiencing the "joy of giving". With all the time and work I've spent with the homeless people, and now the veterans, I've definitely found how much I can benefit from sharing.
This has been a particularly great week, so far, and I feel like the selfish pleasure I derive from my meager efforts, is being returned ten-fold.
Once again, I hope everyone is well, and a big "Hello" to my good friends, Gypsynomad and Dr. Cara. My best to all.
Paul
My friend, you are not only 'ahead of the curve' with your work in the world, you are a map-maker back to the heart.
Please, my friend: consider the following. Perhaps it is not selfish pleasure at all, when you invite the Other to 'join you in the orchard,' as Agapi puts it. Perhaps it is this extended invitation that prepares the atmosphere for blossoming all concerned!
Keep Being the beautiful Being that you are. My cup is full.
Cara
Like all of us, I've done a few things I'm not very proud of, but I've come out on this end of things in a better position to make better decisions and be a more productive person. I've recognized my faults, and try to learn from past mistakes. I've learned to share my journey with those who are most important to me, and try to accommodate those who need my assistance. I'll be 62 later this month, and one of the things I've learned, is that life does get better with age. I truly believe I'm happier each passing year, and wish everyone else the same good fortune.
Always a pleasure to visit with all you fine folks.
Paul
Thanks for the "G'day"" and back to ya! The Café is open late this evening.
Though I would challenge your use of the word "meager," any effort, any hand extended, even any smile simply given crosses over the line in the sand separating meaningful from meager, and any ROI you receive is well deserved!
Lawson
The reason I say meager, is because it seems like I do so very little to receive the return I get from the help I offer homeless vets. It has become my pleasure to help these folks, and I hope to continue for many years.
Thanks again, and all the best.
Paul
Cara,
This is a a wonderful interview.
I thank you both.
Peace and joy out your way, Pratitya,
Cara
I truly believe we are at a time like never before when more and more people are feeling their connectedness in that spark of living life. Yes, our world around us has become more automated, yet we don't have to be. That spark ignites conversation and relation with others, and this is what our consumer driven world has not been able to replicate. We became the automated ones, and oftentimes without mindfulness, and yet we are a social being.
In gratitude Cara and Agapi.
You have amplified the experience of this interview in a deeply meaningful way. As you know, I have been contemplating, for some time now, the whole notion of what I call 'The Machinery' that keeps us estranged from our hearts. What a joy it is to embrace your words and wisdom, for it bridges our 'way back' to connection. Don't be surprised if I quote you down the line. Your Wisdom Heart is showing big-time!
Love,
Cara