"I'm bogged down," 60-year-old Sam said with a sigh, as he sank into the easy chair, beside the hearth. A psychiatrist of some renown, Sam admits the events of this year are "getting" to him. "You know, as a 'shrink,' people don't think much about the fact that there are days people's stories are just too heavy. They're worse than the news! I didn't realize how much it's getting to me until I started your 21 day Challenge. ("What Would Jesus and the Dalai Lama Say to Tiger Woods and Mike Huckabee") It doesn't help that my wife's been pretty low, lately. Our daughter's giving her the silent treatment for Christmas, which doesn't help. Tiger's not the only one with problems. Maybe we should pipe Prozac into our water supply." With this, Sam cracks a little smile.
New Forms, Old Process. Despite the news avalanche surrounding Tiger Woods, he's not the only one standing on shaky ground. It is, however, the unexpected places that lead us to the real.
"The only time we ever know what's really going on is when the rug is pulled out and we can't find anywhere to land."
Pema Chodron
Our evolution toward authenticity takes leaps of faith. The challenge, like Sam's, is that we don't magically pop from darkness to the Light, the reconnected, without 'due process.' Perhaps this is what fascinates the public about debacles like Tiger's. Public fascination with the later is akin to our fascination with road-kill. On bad days, it seems 'we' cannot help ourselves but stare. Ed and Deb Shapiro put it this way in their recent best-seller, Be the Change: "...the mind is not always so ready to be still, it craves entertainment..." (p. 271).
We are drawn to the shadow-lands. Whenever there's a well-manicured persona getting confronted with a less-than-stellar secret life, the tension of opposites becomes grist for the storytelling mill. We pay prices for splitting. The downfall of heroes returns us to archetypal roots. Think Job, and before him, Osiris. Dismemberment precedes new growth. In the Osiris myth, the dismemberment was literal, whereas Job's came as plagues, disappointments. Whatever form it takes, be it, a child/mate/in-law/family member/friend giving us the 'silent treatment,' it is easy to lose sight that even this is part of the unavoidable process of both expanding our awareness and rewriting our connections and contributions as authentic creatures.
A Welcome Relief. Enter William Shatner and Sarah Palin. In the airing of Shatner's reading of Sarah's Going Rogue, ala Robert Bly style, and Ms. Palin's unexpected response, we are reminded that humor lives. And, why not? Both Shatner and Palin have traveled the frontier, the former, as Captain Kirk in "Star Trek", and Sarah, well, from the back porch of her home in Alaska. More recently, they are on a new trek that works through humor. Although their perspective differs, they performance connects us with something in short supply these days: a lightness of being. Taking ourselves too seriously, too much, is highly over-rated. In his interview with Ed and Deb Shapiro's Be the Change, Jack Kornfield puts it this way:
...we mistreat one another because we think of ourselves as separate beings; feeling separated from others gives rise to fear, confusion, self-protection, grasping, anger and aggression. These are all born out of ignorance and ...forgetting our interdependence in the Web of life." (p. 185)
A Search for the Lighter Side
Yes, Virginia, it is possible to restore some Lightness to the equation. Throughout the world, people of all cultures celebrate their gravitational struggle through the darkness, as they reconnect with the imperative of light, hope, community. To name but four: Hanukkah celebrates the restoration of Light, from a period of struggle. Christianity rejoices in the star's pronouncement of the eternal return of birthing Christ consciousness. Those into Winter Solstice, rejoice in the Eternal Return of Light in the darkness. And Kwanzaa celebrates deep connection through family and communal celebration of love. It doesn't get much better than this. Unless, that is, we find it in the everyday, which is the point.
Using the Everyday to Recover Your Connection with the Beauty of the Season. Examples of loving, touching connection abound. What uplifts our Spirit, and nourishes our Soul, can be found every single day. Witness the Circle of Love around one Miss Jasmine Snow. Each week since her birth nearly three months ago, a community gathers around Jasmine to 'love her up.' Although I did not know this sprite-like sweetie pie by name until two weeks ago, I could not resist what's been happening around her. Here, on new frontier, Miss Jasmine has been steadily evolving into quite the beauty. She does so in the arms of her mother, Rebecca, her grandma Michelle, and grandmother figure, Gwen. When mama is pooped, one of the elders slips into place, cradles little Jasmine, stroking her head, and showering baby with non-stop, heart-warming stroking, cooing, smiling, holding, bonding and attachment at their best within this Web of Life. Here, it's the easiest thing in the world to remember we're all one: Jasmine allows us to slip down into her eyes without pretence: dark blue watery pools of pure beauty and light that would restore a heart made of brick. No small wonder she neither cries nor fusses. Through this new life, we can't help but remember 'all's well.' Now, just imagine, what might the world be like if each of us not only gave this experience, but received love like this, as well? What if we chose to end the cold war with those who are at odds with us, and 'give it a rest?' It's the season, after all.
Four Fail-proof Measures You Can Take to Restore Your Spirit.
1. Invite a buddy to watch a few comedies with you this week. Humor has a healing effect on our physiology. Norman Cousin's classic, An Anatomy of an Illness, points out, in poignant ways, the imperative of restoring humor as a healing adjunct.
2. Find and Study the Ways of Baby Love, applying them to the 'you' that feels
bogged down. Visit with someone that 'holds' you in positive reflection. If
your inventory of such people is too low, start by reflecting a positive
glance to everyone you see today, known to you, or not. What goes around,
comes around.
3. Identify someone that nourishes your Spirit. Let them know. Consider tithing some form of 'payment' to them, as a means of acknowledging, in concrete terms, that they are an invaluable source of treasure for you. If you are willing, send them a check, with the message that you are gifting them the funds as recognition of their importance in your life. A heartfelt letter would be great.
4. Write down the part of your own story that's been bogging you down, and give it a new twist. Think back to the Shatner/Palin renditions. Read yours aloud in a way that gets your humor going. Kick it up a notch: perhaps a recording of
jazz or drumming in the background? If you're stuck, play with 'singing' your
story, as if you were an opera star...anything that gets your funny-bone into gear again.
Let us hear from you. What helps you reconnect? What scenes have you noted that nourish you? Who would you like to acknowledge as a treasure in your life? What are you noticing/learning? I'm listening. Meanwhile, if you've not become a fan, and want to simplify, just press the 'fan' icon, and forward to your circle. Happy new trails! Love, Cara
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
BE THE CHANGE
see our website
www.BeTheChangeMeditate.com
lovingly,
Ed
Blessings and love,
Cara
Sorry I am so late to this post- and I could not find it! Fabulous as always. Love the reminders, the humor and the insights- as always. I don't know how you do it!
a true wise woman.
Kari
Thanks for persisiting! I am hearing from other readers, too, that it's been challenging lately to find the articles. I'm so glad you did.
How are you?
Wishing you and your family every joy, this season and always,
Cara
It's very comforting to see the peaceful and healing thoughts shared here. And the timing couldn't have been better. Funny how ways to deal with problems sometimes pop up when we need them......lighting the way back to ourselves, and each other.
Let me know what happens when you take on the writing piece. The furthest thing from my mind as a youngster was writing. However, the past 45+ years have brought the pen to paper, and what a journey this is. I think you'll find that word-shaping will actually cross-fertilize your creative flourishing. I've used the intermodal arts for years for myself, to heal, to grow, and in working with others. I can tell you honestly that it made a huge difference in the healing of my own back.
Stay in touch. I most definately am cheering for you, and would love to hear about your journey. Please consider the 'become a fan,' button (it brings ease to the life of regular readers), and passing this on to your readers. Like tends to attract like.
Blessed holidays your way,
Cara
Since there's is no such thing as coincidence, Study the ways of baby love is a double whammy. Yesterday, I received a message from Brad Yates, EFT wizard extraordinaire and a licensed Hypnotist.
It was his Christmas gift to us, his readers. The gift was an MP3 encouraging us to "absorb" our bright, shinging and vibrant baby into ourselves. Quite stunning. Click on the link LOVING THE BABY - http://www.bradyates.net/xmas2009.html
This is a proper Day 2 of the Challenge after starting over 4 times in 10 days. My mental criticisms, fostered by negative thoughts when I think that things aren't moving fast enough, are diminishing. It's reminds me of what my psychologist told me years ago, always check in with yourself to see how you feel. Thoughts and feelings and where they take us fascinate me, so this is a wonderful opportunity to study myself some more.
Thank you.
We are in the Soup together, my dear. I've 'started over' three times, and am having a blast, along with the discoveries. It's not about the end-point, but the process. Speaking of which, your link info is just so helpful!
As we are expecting our grand-daughter's entrance into the world any day, your words are so timely, too.
Stay in touch. I'm rooting for you with all my heart,
Cara
Palin, on the other hand, is a loser and veritable failure of epic proportions and has no business being in the same room as Shatner, let alone share a stage with him.
Thanks for bringing Montreal and you to the conversation.
All good things,
Cara
I'm with Anne. This blog is so delicious I'm having it for breakfast! Like a warm, fuzzy blanket, or a cup of yummy tea, your writing and the thoughts you express through it give comfort. to body, heart and soul.
You are masterful at gathering, weaving, and presentation. A true master in our midst!
,
I am so grateful for you and for the gifts you share with the world. Clearly we all are blessed by your gifts.
May you and yours have a peaceful and joyful holiday season. Great blessings await!
Much, much love,
Judith
Let's await those good things together, as we savor these moments, days, weeks and months. We are mightily blessed, my friend.
Love,
Cara
This is the first I've heard about Jasmine's story. Instantly I recalled my youngest son's birth. He had breathing troubles and was placed immediately into an incubator. He looked so fragile, I just wanted to hold him. How firghtening to come from the comfort of the womb to isoloation from touch. Jasmine is so lucky. It's beautiful what her family is doing for her. I imagine with that much love she'll be a very happy little girl.
I don't feel bogged down anymore. Since I've been following the practices prescribed by you, Ed and Deb, Anne and Elena,many burdens have lifted. Less often I'm concerned about how my friends and family love me but instead I think more about making them feel my love and appreciation. A few weeks ago my feelings were hurt when my son decided not to come over for Thanksgiving. I took called him to say I understood and hoped he had a nice Thanksginving with his friends. It was easier than it e would have been in the past if even possible.
Today is day 16 of the 21 day challange. During the last week, I had one day where I didn't knowingly complain. But also a day that I and a co-worker bitched about our boss for about 10 minutes before I caught myself. Quite an eye-opener It's such an engrained part of my communication that it really takes constant awareness to minimize the complaining.
Warmest love,
little brother
I'm so, so happy for you. Bravo! Human nature is a funny beastie. Usually, we read suggestions, receive invitations about 'another way,' nod in agreement, and then lay the project aside. But, you, are one of the real pilgrims, my friend, getting yourself out on the trail. And, look at your results! I am inspired. Thank you, Little Brother, for sharing your results thus far. It should reignite the flame of hope for those waiting in the wings.
Know that I'm always delighted to hear from you, and get updated on your journey. It makes all the difference to me.
Love to you and yours,
Cara
Peace and blessings,
Cara
What a delicious blog. And I love your reconnectors. It is those most dire moments that we need to reach - out or in or wherever - to connect with a greater truth that embraces and loves us all. The still darkness of this season is a beautiful time to do just that.
Thank you for your wise and comforting words that are so very welcome.
Abundant blessings and joy to you!
Anne
Sweet day to you, Anne, across the pond,
Cara
After a day of doing battle with the trolls of the world it is lovely to come home and wrap myself in the warm blanket of your writing.
Was doing pretty good on your 21 day no gossip challenge until Tiger Woods came up in conversation. Frankly he would beat me like a rented mule at golf but I kick his butt in fidellity.
Oh no does that count as gossip??????? I'm busted.
Peace on ya Doc!
Bill
I'm now detecting a bit of Robert Bly behind the scenes, along with the best comedians around, as a bit of the Bill mix. It is yummy. Know this, my friend: actually, this piece did not come out until very late in the day, so I wondered whether anyone would actually find it. (oh, dear, 21 day slippage?) The fact that you did, the fact that it gave relief from the Troll Kingdom, makes all worthwhile.
As for the Challenge, fear not. It's not about perfection, but rather,the delicious opportunity for new beginnings, self-forgiveness, and discovery. You've got the market cornered!
Love and blessings to you, Bill,
Cara
Happy holidays,
Cara
Pity the orphans and the abandoned, growing up without reassuring touches and calming smiles (and with insufficient shelter, food, and heat).
Tortured beyond understanding is the soul which spends a lifetime searching in vain for the warm bosom of love.
My love is with you, as is my gratitude,
Cara
Keep the purr going,
Cara
Being with you recently was heartwarming for us both.
You ask:
Who would you like to acknowledge as a treasure in your life?
It would have to be you. As you are our newest dear friend.
Ed & Deb
You are absolutely 'just what the doctor ordered.' What a gift you are, what Light you share, and what courage you have to be in the world in the way that you are.
My 'cup is full' with your friendship of the heart.
Love,
Cara
Reiki is a form of practice where a Reiki practioner tries to discharge these energy from the person being treated. They 'ground' these negative energies. These treatments don't come cheap and you need to depend on someone performing on to you. But there is a more self efficient method.
Simply be an observer to any unpleasant thoughs that come into mind. At the end of the day just find time and space and sit down relaxed with your eyes closed. Stop discriminating thinkng and instead recognize any thoughts that appears through your feelings. Whether it is pleasant or unpleasant. Just let the thought arise if it is negative and observe it together with the unpleasant feelings but don't engage it. Just be an observer staying with these thoughts. You will find the thought or consciousness will rise, peak and fade away. The trapped energies are actually being released and dissipate away. I don't know if you can call it meditation. People have a wide range of defination for meditation. It also work for stress, depression and migraine. Don't recycle those thoughts.
I love this. Whenever it happens to me - and I am merely in a stage where I sometimes observe that it did, I cannot 'make it happen' - it feels like an unfolding of ... I don't know: a flower? a theme? a protein in my bloodstream?
I'm not a therapist, but even when you only need to make sure you don't recycle the thoughts of those whose stuff you read on that day, you may feel much relief when you manage to let it pass. For example, I am always grateful when I manage to forget what I read about Palin.
Love and blessings,
Cara
If you read up on these Noble Paths you will find that the Buddha's Teachings is actually not a religion. It is a way of life that uses common sense to guide our body, mind and actions. How many times did our wrong speech caused enmity and hurt others? Right Mindfulness teaches us to guard our six senses like a boat with six holes that need to be plugged to prevent our untowards reaction to external and internal phenomenon.
No doubt the two of you would find much to share and delight in. Many thanks for touching base. I'll refer him to your message.
Blessings all around,
Cara
Bravo for you, that you've found a way that works for you. I'm so glad you dropped by, and will look forward to returning visits. You are a 'keeper.'
Peace and blessings,
Cara