Of course, you know by now that almost every television commercial is a drug company selling prescription anti-depression drugs and repeating the mantra tag line of this new century in advertising, survival, and mass hypnosis: "Ask Your Doctor."
What you may not know is that this is a benevolent campaign that is saving us all from the horrors of feeling anything bad or even slightly irritating, and we should all get up out of our chairs right this minute and thank the sponsors who care so much about how we feel.
Whoops, before you get up, call your doctor, of course, just in case there is a drug that could help ease the transition from sitting to standing. You just never know, but your doctor certainly does!
I remember a cloudy day many years ago when I could have used this guidance, but it was nowhere to be found.
Can you imagine having to bear the anguish of a shy moment? Well, I'm here to tell you it wasn't pretty.
Thank God for science that has delivered us out of the awkward, the agitated, the excruciating darkness of unavoidable contact with discomfort -- and other people.
Since there are two sides to every penny, let us also admit that it was the very lack of silencing the soul that produced great works of art and artists, including singers and actors and painters who moved us to our depths, unimpeded by medication.
Or perhaps that was our medication.
Anywho, what's a little empty space between friends when the upshot is lack of emotional pain?
Professional polls report time and time again that The American People would gladly exchange intimate moments for the sheer bliss of blankness, and who can argue with that?
If you are not among the lucky A.D.D. sufferers who have a faithful, legitimate stash of speed, you might catch a confusion at the end of those commercials for emotional/mental disorder drugs.
This is where the side effects flood forth from a paid actor/actress sotto voce like a train out of control. Don't be afraid if you find yourself asking out loud whether you should ask your doctor if it's cool to possibly die in order to partake in the cornucopia of worry- erasing pharmaceuticals.
Again, I urge you to Ask Your Doctor for something to quiet those nerves which apparently have just sprung out from the medicated mattress of your psyche upon hearing that you are on a drug that may, without warning, take away your ability to swallow or breathe.
No worries. Just Ask Your Doctor how he feels about your having the occasional seizure.
It's all about your being comfortable, which is why the good people at the biggest pharmaceutical companies are thinking about you.
Yes, they are!
They are so concerned that they are developing right now new drugs to take with the ones you already have when the regular drugs don't work!
Now that's very nice, don't you think?
What's that? You can't think? You can't get hold of a feeling or hang onto a thought?
Now that's something you should ask your doctor about.