Very few emotions are as destructive to the self as shame. When children are raised by authority figures that use shame as a method of teaching or control, children do not necessarily learn the right way to do things, they learn the right way to hide what they truly feel, think and do in order to avoid directly experiencing the shame being projected onto them.
Eventually, if you were raised with shaming parents growing up, you will learn to internalize the shame that they experience, and it becomes a veil not just between you and the outside world, but also between you and your inner self. This is how you can find yourself working in a profession you hate, or in a passionless relationship that your Mother or Father might approve of.
Rationalizations can be made: "At least he's a lawyer and makes good money," or "I hate my job, but look at all the wealth it gives me. If I worked in a field that paid less, I wouldn't be able to afford my house in the country. " What's the point if you are emotionally disconnected, dissociated from even knowing your basic needs, such as eating when you are hungry, or stopping to eat when you are full?
Shame often comes with secrets, which can be kept from both the self and the outside world. Inter-subjectivity theorists would say that we have multiple selves, inspired by both the good and the bad relationships we experience. Parts of us, sometimes due to trauma are shut down and walled off behind a fortress of amnesia. Self-annihilation goes along with the package and curse of shame. It's in an infantile-dependent relationship that one becomes infected by shame.
In therapy, the real work begins when you start to get in touch with the destructive and often shame-based beliefs that have handcuffed you from finding the love and work that you truly deserve and desire.
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Shame involves thinking that there is something wrong with who we are.
Guilt involves behavior, while shame is about our being.
Guilt is: I must have done something wrong.
Shame is: There must be something wrong with me.
- Tom
That said I tend to agree with you, especially when shaming is raise to the level of shunning.
in presenting the subject and issue in this manner, you have done a disservice to your profession, and have allowed yourself to be ridiculed, and have made it harder for others in the profession.
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Guilt-tripping and Shaming
This statement is an example of the Guilt-tripping manipulation tactic because you invite Dr. Steinberg to feel guilty for writing his blog posting the way he did, in order to put him in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position.
The "allowed yourself to be ridiculed" statement is an example of the Shaming manipulation tactic because you invite Dr. Steinberg to feel ashamed of himself, that there is something wrong with him, so that he may feel inadequate or unworthy of being in the profession.
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That said I tend to agree with you...I forgot to say, I think your approach in your practice not try to heal with a one size fits all is really an excellent way to confront the problems.
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This is an example of the Seduction manipulation tactic because you are also praising and flattering Dr. Steinberg in order to get him to lower his defenses and to gain his trust. By themselves, compliments can be positive, healthy forms of communication. But when coupled with covert-aggressive tactics like guilt and shaming, they become something else, another form of manipulation.
Con artists, psychopaths, sociopaths feel no shame about anything - ever. They're reptilian - serpentine - using people for their own ends, without a pang of conscience, ever.