A Thank You Letter to The Boy Scouts of America

Dear BSA,

I want to thank you for your clear position on gay kids and adults.

You see, I have been feeling really guilty. My two eldest sons got involved in our local chapter last year, and they enjoyed the experience. From collecting soup cans to the camping trip, they learned valuable skills and found friends. This year, the meeting night changed and we had a conflict, so we haven't been involved. I felt badly about depriving my kids of this great opportunity.

Now I see that our kids can't be Scouts. Why, you ask? Because I have no crystal ball. It is not possible for me to know which, if any, of my four sons will realize in the next few years that he is gay.

So I am thrilled! Thrilled that I have already disentangled our children from an organization that would, in that case, marginalize and isolate them. A group of mentors and leaders and friends perfectly placed to make him feel unworthy of love.

Oh, and one more thing. Thanks for helping me avoid teaching my children to side with the bullies.

My sons may or may not realize that they love men romantically, but it is certain that they will know boys and men who do. I am thrilled to escape years of enculturation into a group with such strong values of suppression and discrimination.

You've done me one last favor. As a family doctor, I encourage children throughout my community to get involved with organized activities. You've taken this out of the realm of politics and made it a health issue.

So, now that you've made your position clear, I can do the same with my own.

Sincerely,
Deborah Gilboa, MD (but you can call me Dr. G like my hundreds of patients do)

 

Follow Dr. G on Twitter: www.twitter.com/AskDocG

Comments

[foxblue]

08:10 PM on 09/17/2012

You have it so wrong Dr. G

[writingtosanity]

09:04 AM on 07/27/2012

Thank you for explaining exactly what I was thinking but could not put into words myself.

[writingtosanity]

09:01 AM on 07/27/2012

Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't.

[Dr. G]

08:34 AM on 07/25/2012

I do not believe that the Boy Scouts of America needs to include openly gay Scout Leaders either, though I wish they would.

I do believe that the Boy Scouts of America take a dangerous position (dangerous to boys) when they close their ranks to committed scouts who figure out that they are gay, and to parent volunteers of boy scouts for being gay.*

*http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/18/boy-scout-den-mother-lesbian-_n_1434307.html

[TonyWayne]

02:06 PM on 07/25/2012

Thanks Dr G for your comments and the link. From the story, it seems like Jennifer Tyrrell was railroaded out of the local organization for "doing a good deed" (finding the financial discrepancies), and they used her sexual orientation as an excuse to try and cover things up.

If this is true than the BSA screwed up already in a cover up...

[andyetonemorevoice]

02:38 AM on 07/23/2012

I think the most difficult part is how the boy scouts have partnered with so many public schools, and receives federal funding, this seems wrong to me, no organization hosted by schools or even promoted at public schools should be allowed to reject 10% of the population nor should its discriminatory messaging be acceptable, the boys scouts should be the private religious organization it is open to those they choose, we should not look to change the BSOA. As parents weshould look to promote open tolerant organizations, bring those accepting of all boys to our schools and communities whose mission it is to be inclusive and lift up diversity not to teach our boys intolerance and exclusion.

[Dr. G]

11:05 AM on 07/23/2012

Well said. Thank you.

[andyetonemorevoice]

02:23 PM on 07/23/2012

Thank you for this letter!

[Steve Jensen]

10:49 PM on 07/26/2012

I agree - it is absolutely wrong if the BSA receives federal funding. However - the BSA doesn't receive federal funding. A scout is trustworthy or is that also defined differently by this group just as morally straight is defined differently by the "life partners" of this group.

Instead of complaining about it wouldn't it be better to solve it? Start your own organization and seek funding from churches or whoever you want and run your own alternative lifestyle agenda. You should also know that the BSA doesn't teach anything regarding alternate lifestyles.

Dr. G - I'm glad you're not having your boys in the BSA - you should protect your kids from the beliefs of others if it's not 100% what you believe. Pull them out of all schools and anything you can think of as I'm sure there's something in all venues that you also disagree with. You're boys are gonna love you when they grow up and understand how great it was to be so sheltered.

It's not the BSA that terrifies me - it's you folks. You should all quit your jobs and petition the BSA 24*7 and not give them any money and then they'll go out of business. I have to go - my wife needs a man.

[andyetonemorevoice]

01:30 PM on 07/27/2012

Actually the BSOA does receive federal funding for its Gamboree every year 6-8 million along with funding from many state and local fire and police it also receives special tax incentives usually reserved for public institutions as well as use of state and federal lands sometimes for 1 dollar per year, do I think the BSOA should be disbanded made to believe as I do, no they should simply no longer receive government special treatment, they also hold a monopoly on the term scouting and I think that is wrong also, but I take the greatest issue with the BSOA's access in schools, church organizations don't have that and no organization that says some people aren't good enough should have that ability and be at our schools, it is not about an alternative life style agenda, your argument smacks of segregation era logic, " there not one of us they have no right to be here, why go attacking a great institution just because it doesn't allow blacks?" inject your logic to that and see if it feels the same, do I believe the BSOA is teaching anti gay propaganda, no, do I believe by rejecting gay members it passively supports it, yes because that is the nature of discrimination, you sir scare me because your discriminatory attitudes are so justified in your self you think those opposed have the problem

[YoMama]

04:53 PM on 07/22/2012

Right on, Dr. G.!

[Dr. G]

10:07 AM on 07/23/2012

Thank you!

[the818]

02:38 PM on 07/21/2012

Great post. Sums up exactly what's so terrifying for me about the boys who continue on with the org.

[Dr. G]

11:55 PM on 07/21/2012

Thank you! I worry for them as well.

[dancerctry]

02:18 PM on 07/23/2012

I hope your message, combined with others, gets heard. My brother is an eagle scout now scoutmaster, strait and 28, but does believe in gay rights. He's torn between his beliefs and something he has always enjoyed. No one should be in that position. I hope every voice gets heard and that leads to change.

[Yellowcab]

10:15 AM on 07/23/2012

You are terrified of Boy Scouts?

[dartemis]

01:57 PM on 07/21/2012

It's interesting to watch you twist yourself into a logical pretzel to rationalize your actions. First you imagine that one of your boys might one day realize that he is gay and then you remove both of them from the Boy Scouts, where you admit they are having a great experience, based on this vision. I hate to tell you this but one of them may lose an arm someday so you'd better make sure he doesn't become a surgeon. Did it ever occur to you that single-sex organizations remove members of the opposite sex for a reason?. How does this apply to the removal of gays since they are not of the opposite sex? I will use your words, "My sons may or may not realize that they love men romantically..." It is this chance for the development of romantic love, and possibly the sex that may follow, that is behind the reasoning of gender and homosexual segregation. It is not a statement about gays, it is a statement about the purpose of Scouts as a place for boys to experience healthy outdoor adventures that increase self-reliance without emotional distractions. To open it to that possibility would confound the reason for its existence. It would also confuse the as yet innocent young boys whose parents have entrusted their care to the scouting organization. Do these people matter to you at all or only the homosexual boys?

[Dr. G]

11:58 PM on 07/21/2012

Nope. It is not about the "chance for the development of romantic love, and possibly the sex that may follow, that is behind the reasoning.." It is fear. Fear of lost revenue, fear of law suits, fear of I don't know what. And the BSA reasoning doesn't matter to me. The end result is the problem. All these boys matter to me. The 10% who are gay and the 30% more who will think for a while that they are as all teens do, and the 100% who are forming lifelong opinions.

[Abso Lutely]

12:25 PM on 07/21/2012

Great letter! A hate organization like the Boy Scouts should be condemned, not honored. It's disgusting that any person or entity supports the Boy Scouts at all. Until their discriminatory policies change, they should be treated as a pariah organization. First it was gays that were banned. Next it will be Jews, then blacks, then Muslims, then the handicapped, then any other person that doesn't fit into the ideal image of a Boy Scout. Any parent exposing their child to the bigoted ideas of the Boy Scouts should be investigated by their state's child welfare department. It's the same as exposing them to any other poison. It is patently unfair that gays and their families should be devastated by discriminatory actions, while the bigots and their families go about enjoying their lives as if nothing has happened. It's time to start making bigots pay for the discriminatory actions they take. When they have to pay a price, they might start to rethink their actions. I would urge anyone reading this to take WHATEVER ACTIONS POSSIBLE to harm the people and property involved with the Boy Scouts of America, especially the people involved in this decision, Antonin Scalia for his vote in allowing the BSA to discriminate, or their loved ones, to make them pay for the harm they are doing to the people they discriminate against.

[Dr. G]

11:59 PM on 07/21/2012

I can't agree that the BSA is a hate organization. I do not believe that the organization should be condemned. I think that this policy should be condemned. I hope that they will change it, but until they do, we will steer clear.

[wakefreak1093]

11:18 AM on 07/21/2012

Read the Scout Oath and you might understand why they have made the stance that they have. "On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country, and to obey the scout law. To help other people at all times. To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight."

[thinkingwomanmillstone]

02:41 PM on 07/21/2012

Read your comment and you might (I doubt it) understand why so many of ethical, moral and fair minded citizens reject the boy scouts. There is nothing in that oath that should deny anyone who is gay the opportunity to be a boy scout or scout leader....it's the backwards thinking and bigoted administrators that are doing that.

[Dr. G]

12:00 AM on 07/22/2012

Most of the gay people I know are morally straight, physically strong and mentally awake. Many of them are religiously committed. So I don't see why gay scouts can't take the oath. And I certainly don't see why the BSA doesn't want them to.

[Tim Newton]

12:21 AM on 07/21/2012

The thing is that for them to decide membership does not say that they are encouraging bullying in any sort. They have just decided not to include certain people in their membership. Am I by supporting their decision, as an eagle scout a bully because when my sons are old enough I would personally rather have their scout leaders have the same beliefs and standards that I believe in? I do agree absolutely that LGBT individuals need love, support and kindness. What is difficult for the BSA especially is that a majority of their support both financially and membership doesn't come from corporate sponsors, it comes from churches. The mormon church endorsed scouting early on, and 15% of scouts are mormon. If they were to lift the ban, I can pretty much guarantee they as well as the catholic church would pull their funding and endorsement. I do not agree at all that it is either suppressive, or discriminative. It is upholding beliefs and standards which, as a very religious organization, the BSA is proud to continue.

[a lovely day]

10:24 AM on 07/21/2012

"The thing is that for them to decide membership does not say that they are encouraging bullying in any sort."

Except that they are encouraging bullying. Somewhere, this whole big thing is reaching the ears of kids and teens in the Boy Scouts, either through the news or through the adults around them discussing it.

Some of those kids will be straight, and they will be left with a negative perception of LGBTQ* people; and in fear some of them will go on to be bullies. And some of those kids will inevitably be LGBTQ*, and the things they are told and the bullies they encounter may have a negative impact on them throughout their lives.

[a lovely day]

10:24 AM on 07/21/2012

This just seems very relevant right now:

"There are children like Bobby sitting in our congregations.
Unknown to you, they will be listening to your 'Amens' as they
silently cry out to God in their hearts. Their cries will go unnoticed
for they cannot be heard above your 'Amens'. Your fear and
ignorance of the word gay will soon silence their cries. Before you
echo 'Amen' in your home or place of worship, think and
remember...a child is listening."

-From the movie "Prayers for Bobby", which was based on the life story of a young gay man who committed suicide because he was unable to continue dealing with the intolerance around him.

Far from dramatics, this kind of thing happens all the time. If you've payed attention to the news this year, at least once every week or two a story breaks about another LGBTQ* teen suicide.

If that is the kind of thing BSA is proud of, then it is indeed a good thing that parents get their kids the hell out of there immediately.

[Derek Northcote]

07:08 PM on 07/20/2012

Here Here....

[Dr. G]

10:41 AM on 07/21/2012

Thank you Derek.

[Rachel Haalman Blaufeld]

05:51 PM on 07/20/2012

Right on! It's a big world out there BSA....get with it.

[Dr. G]

10:40 AM on 07/21/2012

I agree Rachel, I think this is not only dangerous and close-minded, but short-sighted as well.

[leighanneweiss]

04:58 PM on 07/20/2012

Bravo Doctor G! Another brilliant post! I agree 100%!

[Dr. G]

05:09 PM on 07/20/2012

Thank you so much Leighann!

[latorres]

04:58 PM on 07/20/2012

Nail. Head. You rock.

[Dr. G]

10:39 AM on 07/21/2012

Thank you!