Every year, around July 4, children absorb the history lessons that adults in their lives wish to impart about America. They hear stories about America's beginnings and social movements, struggles that continue to define us -- or so we tell our children, in an effort to explain America as "the land of opportunity." My father, a Holocaust survivor, was among the millions who came to America in the 1940s dreaming that freedom and democracy could be translated into something physical, a meaningful everyday reality. He passed hope, perseverance, and a work ethic on to our family, and in doing so, he reinforced values much more lasting than the political divisions and controversies that could consume our nation at any one time.
But while most schoolchildren absorb our national history and see how American values resonate within the family unit, the Fourth of July from a child's-eye view has far less to do with history lessons and inter-generational wisdom than it does with relationships and having fun. Children are not overly concerned with the raw facts of our history. Any parent can tell you this. On the Fourth of July, or any holiday for that matter, children think: party, games, music, family, friends.
For kids (and adults, too), summer holidays -- and especially the Fourth of July--are about the celebration and force of shared experience. We all live busy lives, but our children and teens want to celebrate with us. Research repeatedly supports this. Kids want quality time with their parents, even as they grow and test their independence.
Here are some ways to enjoy and support your child on the July 4 holiday and throughout the summer:
- Validate your child's interests and emotions. Parents can get in the habit of making plans in which adults are the focus, and then, remarkably, they expect their children to learn how to think independently, express opinions, and distinguish between their own needs and the needs of others. Whether your child is young or old, try asking: What would you like to do today? Children need to know that their feelings are valued (even though we must tell them at times that negative behaviors associated with their feelings are not acceptable). This is how they develop self-confidence and emotional intelligence.
Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz
President, the Child Mind Institute
http://childmindinstitute.com/