I've written about sexual pleasure before. Actually, I've written about pleasure quite a bit. But while the topic of female orgasm isn't exactly new, it is one that lots of people are still curious about. And it's hard not to be curious: Women's orgasms are the objects of scientific studies. Do women have orgasms? Where do they come from? Why do they have them? Is one better than the next? Is there a G-Spot? Can you see it in this 83-year-old female cadaver? (No joke.) Seriously, it's exhausting... and frustrating. I mean, it's not like we have the same conversations about male orgasms.
That being said, are there women who don't experience orgasm? Yes, there are some women who are anorgasmic (cannot have an orgasm even with sufficient sexual stimulation). However, many women don't have regular orgasms because they're so caught up in the "right" way to have an orgasm. But I believe that every woman should have the capacity for pleasure and hopefully find ways for intimacy to be emotionally and physically fulfilling. So consider this your guide to maximizing your sexual pleasure -- and yes, increasing your orgasmic potential.
But first things first. We are part of a culture that loves to pathologize. Everything is a problem and lots of things have pharmacological solutions. (Can you hear the sarcasm?) We toss around the term "sexual dysfunction" regularly, but for the sake of education, let's clear some things up:
- Primary anorgasmia: You have never had an orgasm (even when plenty of sexual stimulation is provided).
- Secondary anorgasmia: You were previously able to achieve orgasm, but have since lost the ability to climax.
- Situational anorgasmia: You are unable to achieve orgasm during certain sexual behaviors, but not others. For example, you can masturbate to orgasm but not climax during intercourse.
There are many causes for anorgasmia. It can be the result of injury or trauma including: pelvic trauma, diabetes, hysterectomy, spinal cord injury, multiple sclerosis, vaginal/genital surgery, trauma during pregnancy/delivery and emotional trauma or sexual assault. These may all affect a woman's sexual response and should be discussed with a doctor or sex therapist.
But the other reasons for anorgasmia have more to do with socialization and education, rather than preexisting conditions, and this is where I can be of more help.
But don't just take my word for it. Lots of women have lots to say about orgasms. If you want some terrific tips and more information about the female orgasm, check out Gasm. Yes, as in Or-Gasm. You'll thank me later.