Sex: 6 Reasons Why You May Not Be Enjoying It

When I decided to become a professional sexuality educator, I had one particular goal: I wanted women to speak honestly about sex in order to maximize their physical and emotional pleasure. Sure, that may seem like a tall order, but I'm an optimist. Why is this an important issue? There are lots of women engaging in sex (of all kinds) but not having pleasurable experiences. That seems silly to me. If you're having sex (of any kind), it should be fulfilling on a number of levels. So here is just a small sample of the physical and emotional issues that can affect your ability to enjoy sex and in many cases, you can do something about it. But the first step is figuring out what is going on.

SLIDESHOW: 6 Reasons You're Not Enjoying Sex

 

 

 

Follow Dr. Logan Levkoff on Twitter: www.twitter.com/LoganLevkoff

Comments

[Chrystal Bougon]

02:19 AM on 05/14/2012

If we could just get women to masturbate more often so we can all have great command of our own sexual response cycle. It REALLY helps if women master their own bodies so they can communicate better with their own lovers. Great article. You're doing great work.

[NVA-Michelle]

12:31 AM on 04/06/2012

Vulvodynia is one of the main causes of painful sex. The National Vulvodynia Association offers support to woman with chronic pelvic pain including regional support contacts and help with a physician referral. For more information please go to:
www.nva.org

[Kay Nicks]

07:51 PM on 03/21/2012

Every time I read the comments on this subject, I always feel very grateful for my own experience. It's all good.
Omgosh there is so much s*xual dis-function & resentment out there. Blame the guys, blame the women, blame the weather lol.....yikes.

[Sherard Anderson]

02:50 PM on 03/21/2012

Come on. There is no such thing as an "anti-contraception" movement. What a load of CRAP that is.

[Bibulus]

07:06 PM on 03/20/2012

7. Your partner is poor
8. Your partner watches sports all the time
9. Your partner isn't well endowed

...the list never ends.

[oakstave]

10:42 AM on 03/21/2012

It's men's fault... It's men's fault... It's men's fault...

[Dozie Chidozie]

09:09 PM on 03/21/2012

Lol

[clear as a sunny day]

10:25 PM on 03/21/2012

see below clear as aa day

[Dozie Chidozie]

08:22 AM on 03/26/2012

"Partner is poor" what do u mean so u have to be rich to enjoy sex lol

[redivider]

02:45 PM on 03/20/2012

I think the shaming of female sexuality is a huge issue. Girls are brought up from day 1 to feel nasty if they have any sexual feelings. My own mother tried to make me feel this way. I'm sure her mother did the same to her. They are both uptight prudes. But they are that way because of society.

I have definitely been way more sexually free than either of them, but there are times when I wonder if this shameful attitude has affected me and prevented me from fully enjoying sex. We need to stop this cycle of shaming both men and women (although we know that men don't get this as much) for their sexuality, and focus on safe-sex education and family planning.

[clear as a sunny day]

09:13 AM on 03/21/2012

i dont think blaming our psychology is going to fix this problem
for a man to have an errection and hold it for some time and having an errrection repeatedly in a day is lots of hard work and stressful .if you see your man has an errection it is your opportunity to use that opportunityas best as you can . rather than devinising sex and making it a bookish ritual .
let us not be bogged down with some pseudoscience .

[Momklok]

04:04 PM on 03/22/2012

Poor guys, multiple, extended erections are such hard work. I can hear all the men crying right now.

[bill904]

09:57 PM on 03/19/2012

If your not enjoyig it, it has to be depressing to the partner. I do recall a lady one time, said , "I just tell my husband ", hurry up and get thru. I bet made him feel great. He should have gone next door, and just tell his wife , he did not need a favor.

[lotus321]

10:42 AM on 03/20/2012

Precisely. I often wonder why there are not any articles about how men don't always enjoy sex with their female partners. It happens and happens more than women would want to acknowledge.

[LaughingSkullLounge]

03:19 PM on 03/20/2012

i'm sure you could find something if you looked. as it happens, this is the "women's" section of the post.

[lukasiwicz]

09:24 PM on 03/19/2012

My opinion, after 42 years of experience as a clinical psychologist, is that there is one factor that is overlooked in discussions of why relationships go sour, and that factor is stimulus satiation. Though there are some people who tolerate sameness very well, often out of sheer intertia (a body at rest tends to stay at rest), I think most that for most people exposure to the same stimulus complex, day after day, year after year, begins to pall, and a desire to experience a new stimulus compex begins to develop. Familiarity breeds ennui. Sometimes no stimulus complex at all is better than the one to which one has become thoroughly habituated. At the risk of trivializing matters, I'll say it's pretty much the same process that impels a woman to rearrange the furniture in the living room -- she's just tired of seeing things looking the same. And after all, what is a husband (or a wife) but, at bottom, a stimulus complex? I love strawberry shortcake, but I bet that, if someone said to me, "You love it? Okay, you've got it, morning, noon, and night from now on," it wouldn't be long before I'd be asking, "How about some broccoli?".

[Bellanova]

12:57 AM on 03/20/2012

And that's why an occasional heaping serving of broccoli does wonders for every woman's sex life, married ones included -- or especially married ones.

Marriage, however, is where those dietary changes get tricky, so it is important to remember that imaginary broccoli works equally well (or sometimes better). After all, the mind is a woman's most sensitive sex organ.

[jf12]

07:50 AM on 03/20/2012

Men generally do not tire of their women being nice, exceptions proving the rule.

[jf12]

07:54 AM on 03/20/2012

Yes. Men typically don't bother rearranging furniture once it's fine enough, btw. Men typically will eat the same fine enough thing for lunch daya after day for their entire lives. Men typically will wear the same fine enough pair of shoes every day for years and years. And the list goes on. Women are the problem gender.

[lotus321]

10:45 AM on 03/20/2012

They can't handle such truth..not yet. We typically aslo don't oay attention to toher women until we realize the one we have is not paying attention to us.

[Midnight Cry]

08:47 PM on 03/19/2012

It's all about free contra-ceptives...

[kepowell5]

08:08 PM on 03/19/2012

I still say that women would love sex as much as men if they were orgasming as much as men. The difference between men and women is that they orgasm differently. I don't know if it feels exactly the same, I would think so, but so many women fake it just to get it over with and/or cry 'headache' because they know they aren't going to have an orgasm and will just be a party to their partners.

[Dozie Chidozie]

09:24 PM on 03/19/2012

Faking it!!!! who dose that hurt the man or the woman ? Surely the woman if u don't wanna tell me where to touch u I don't care I will just cum and move on u can fake it all u want u r denying yourself not the man . So women should stop this crap am faking it for who? His ego give me a break my ego is intact wether u think am good on bed or not ; why not stop faking it summon a freaking courage tell u r husband where to touch or what to do to make u enjoy the show as well . For me personal if u don't tell me ain't gonna read u r mind I just cum off I go but if open u r mouth be vocal I will spend all the time on earth to make u cum with u r direction +my expertise =happy wife in bedroom.

[Momklok]

04:14 PM on 03/22/2012

Dozie you are certainly full of yourself, and this is not your cell phone, you are not texting. Please use full sentances with capitolization and punctuation.

[April Elisabeth Markov]

09:51 PM on 03/19/2012

The biggest factor is a guys size and how he uses it. Bigger guys have an easier time hitting the nerve bundle called the G-spot. When a guy does, women need to enjoy and let it go. Smaller guys should go down on a woman first giving her a clitoral orgasm, then enter and progress to a deeper vaginal one. Women need to know what's the difference between their orgasms. This means some alone time. Then she helps the man out. Communication. Hey if the guy can't deliver for a woman, guess she is going to have some alone time. LOL

[jf12]

07:56 AM on 03/20/2012

The biggest factor is libido. As one example, if she gets injected with a tiny amount of testosterone, a small fraction of his level, she orgasms easily.

[lotus321]

10:47 AM on 03/20/2012

That makes sense. Now what about the deepness of the male orgasm. Just because we ejaculate does not mean it was enjoyable. Sometimes, we too concentrate to just get it over.

[mvcharet]

08:06 PM on 03/19/2012

You should try Role playing, like bad cop, good criminal, or TSA Agent, where you can fondle and caress strangers and get away with it.

[Havana Thinks]

09:45 AM on 03/20/2012

TSA Agent! You have quite an imagination. I might have to use that one! LOL! F+F

[Kay Nicks]

01:31 PM on 03/23/2012

lol! Creativity is key..

[ejetter]

07:56 PM on 03/19/2012

I got tired of taking care of his ego. I called it the "making yourself less than you are so that he can appear to be more than he is". Not only did I not want sex anymore, I divorced him too. He was not interested in equality. It's a rare man who is.

[lotus321]

10:49 AM on 03/20/2012

You did he right thing for you. I have found as a man that I rarely get equality. I have often heard sex with you takes too long or you take too much ofmy energy. It has literally made me want to stop having sex altogether because I never get to reach a real climax, just a time based one.

[lotus321]

05:57 PM on 03/22/2012

My first love should be me. However, I am not sure why I am coming across as selfish.

[Kim Moore2011]

07:37 PM on 03/19/2012

If a woman isn't lubricated enough (and not all women produce enough vaginal lubrication; this is why we buy some at the drug store or specialty sex boutique), sex isn't going to be as enjoyable as it could be if we were really ready. This statement doesn't apply to women of color, she forgot to add that in the article. I wonder why she didn't add that?

[Dozie Chidozie]

09:28 PM on 03/19/2012

"Doesn't apply to women of color why?

[Kim Moore2011]

11:53 PM on 03/19/2012

Women of color not even dry when they get older so they don't need the lubrications. Just sayin'. Me and my friends were like the f$%^ when we read that part. Just sayin'.

[dionysus10255]

07:37 PM on 03/19/2012

Like some have said boredom can set in as the years pass by so I think being open minded to playful experimentation could help fight the boredom. Basically think of your sex life as a buffet. Try a bit of everything on the menu because you never know what tasty delight you may discover. Definately I believe that foreplay is something all of us guys should be very enthusiastic about. For me I find the giving of pleasure to a woman through foreplay gives me pleasure.

[ngbiker1]

07:32 PM on 03/19/2012

I've tried everything with my spouse. but I get the feeling that when we do have sex, that it's more of a chore for her.I always initiate it, I do the foreplay thing but she just lays there like a rock on the lawn. If I didn't try, I would never get any!

[Havana Thinks]

09:55 AM on 03/20/2012

1) How long have you been married?
2) Has this always been her manner or did it change from newlywed to ?
3) Is she shy, prudish, doesn't want you to look @ her body, won't wear a bikini or even one piece?
4) How old, young?
5) Children? How many? Ages?
6) Does one or both of you smoke?
7) Does one or both of you drink?
If you answer these ?'s, ngbiker1, I can deliver answers that will eliminate the problem.

[lotus321]

10:55 AM on 03/20/2012

Stop trying to get it......instead plan some trips, date night with your wife, then go hang out with you boys or got to the gym. Take her to the movies etc. You need to do things with your wife because you want to them and not because you are trying to get sex from her. Nothing piques the interest like not being overly interested. Somehow she feels like a piece of meat...try just makign her feel like a woman again..like when she was your girlfriend. Treat the wife like the girlfriend and you never go wrong. I introduced my wife as my girlfried who I am married to. You are giving up the power you have in this situation

[Bellanova]

12:24 PM on 03/20/2012

Wise.

[lotus321]

01:08 PM on 03/20/2012

Thanks Bellanove> It has worked with every woman I have ever known and the reason why I am still friends with 99% of them.