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Dr. Logan Levkoff

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Sex: 6 Reasons Why You May Not Be Enjoying It

Posted: 03/16/2012 10:01 am

When I decided to become a professional sexuality educator, I had one particular goal: I wanted women to speak honestly about sex in order to maximize their physical and emotional pleasure. Sure, that may seem like a tall order, but I'm an optimist. Why is this an important issue? There are lots of women engaging in sex (of all kinds) but not having pleasurable experiences. That seems silly to me. If you're having sex (of any kind), it should be fulfilling on a number of levels. So here is just a small sample of the physical and emotional issues that can affect your ability to enjoy sex and in many cases, you can do something about it. But the first step is figuring out what is going on.

SLIDESHOW: 6 Reasons You're Not Enjoying Sex

You're Just Not Ready
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In order to really enjoy sex, your body needs to be ready. Not just mentally or emotionally ready, but physically, biologically ready.

Before a woman can experience orgasm, her body goes through a sexual response cycle (Masters and Johnson). During that cycle, a woman gets aroused, blood pools in her genitals and breasts, there is increased muscle tension, vaginal lubrication and expansion of the vagina. And that's not all: the labia spread and her breasts and clitoris swell. As the cycle continues, women develop a "sex flush" (a reddish blush over the breasts and genital area) and the labia spread even further ... basically the labia are saying "I'm ready!" Now, that's great, but most of us have intercourse before we get to that point. And you know what your body is saying then? "Wait -- a little more foreplay, please! Soon ... just not yet." But if we are not voicing that to our partners, we're not maximizing our sexual pleasure. Foreplay isn't just something that we like; foreplay is something that we need. If a woman isn't lubricated enough (and not all women produce enough vaginal lubrication; this is why we buy some at the drug store or specialty sex boutique), sex isn't going to be as enjoyable as it could be if we were really ready.

 
 
 

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