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Dr. Marty Klein

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Not Having Sex? 5 Reasons Why

Posted: 02/ 8/2012 9:09 am

As Valentine's Day approaches, there's always talk of the "romance" and "love" we are all supposed to feel. According to the media and the pressure we put on ourselves internally, it's also apparently time to have great sex, and plenty of it. The fact is that while magazines, blogs, and talk shows are full of advice about how to make your lover, friend-with-benefits, or one night stand explode with pleasure, lots of people aren't having sex as much as they wish they were. Let's talk honestly about why:

SLIDESHOW: 5 Reasons You're Not Having Sex

It's Not That Entertaining
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The main reason people don't have sex is because it isn't rewarding. Not wanting sex that isn't enjoyable isn't a "dysfunction" -- it's common sense.

There are dozens of reasons sex becomes unenjoyable. Some couples (or one partner) gets stuck on intercourse, deriding everything else as "foreplay" or "just fooling around." Some people get too focused on orgasm -- a mere few seconds in a 15-minute or 30-minute enterprise that should be enjoyable on its own. When orgasm is the only thing that's appealing, people race through sex to get the "good part."

You may recall how much you used to enjoy kissing; perhaps you still yearn for it. In many long-term couples, sex no longer involves kissing, and so they don't get sufficiently aroused. Kissing is actually the most intimate sexual activity. Yes, really -- after all, most of us have had intercourse when we've been upset with someone, but have you every passionately kissed someone you were angry with? No, no one does that.
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Dr. Marty Klein is a Palo Alto, CA sex therapist and marriage counselor. His new book from HarperCollins is "SEXUAL INTELLIGENCE: What We Really Want From Sex -- And How to Get It."

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