Are you one of those people who keeps an emotional ledger? If so, I want to assure you that it's taking way too much of your time, energy and soul. Let it go.
Emotional ledger-keepers are those folks who keep the mythology of obligation alive and humming. If so-and-so picks up my kids after school, then I owe him. Why? Have you never picked up someone's kids after school? Do they owe you? If they do, you're an emotional ledger-keeper. Let it go.
Obligation shares its etymological roots with the word "ligament": both are derived from the Latin ligare, "to bind." (The same root also gives us "religion," only it means to bind again.) Feeling obligated is to feel bound, whether we want to or not -- most of the time, not.
In any case, most emotional ledger-keepers have it wired as a simple exchange system. If I do something nice for someone else, then that exact someone else must do something nice for me. Sorry, darlings, but our relatedness doesn't work like that. It's much more complicated.
It involves the law of karma, which says, put simply, that what goes around comes around -- or, if you like the scientific version, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Same thing.
The world and all its citizens are instead a big giving tree. I give to you. You give to your friend. Your friend gives to her mother. Her mother gives to her friend. And, maybe, just maybe, that friend might give to you. There's no obligation here at all. It's just the natural round of giving to one another because that's how we're made and that's what we do.
The law of karma is correct. What goes around does come around, but not always from the same place. That's a good qualifier to remember. See, if I hold a door open for a mom/baby/stroller/diaper bag/purse, then I do it because I want to do something good. If I'm not a person like that mom, I don't need someone to do that for me. But I might be asking for a raise at work that day, which is what I've determined I need.
Well, we don't know this, but let's say that the boss' husband brought her a beautiful gift the night before because it was their wedding anniversary. So the boss is in a great mood, and I get my raise. Did the husband owe us? Not directly, but passing the good along to everyone benefits everyone.
Do you begin to see how it works?
The thing is that neither you nor I have any control over this round of giving except insofar as we intend to give to others every single day. Once that is your intention, voilà, the world becomes a round of giving, and everyone is blessed.
This is how you can let go of emotional ledger-keeping (let it go) and begin participating in the round of good giving abundance available to us all.
For spiritual nourishment, visit Dr. Susan Corso's website and blog, Seeds for Sanctuary. Follow her on Twitter @PeaceCorso and friend her on Facebook.
Follow Dr. Susan Corso on Twitter: www.twitter.com/PeaceCorso
But I don't give when the other person is a lifelong professional 'taker'.
I love seeing someone smile because of something I did or said or gave them. Sometimes I don't let on that I was the 'giver' and it is even more exciting to me.....like I made 50 semi-precious bracelets for a woman's shelter a few years ago, and sent then with no name.
I always offer to drive when needed or do small favors (and some large) for people.
My biggest dream is that because of something I did for someone, it changed that person's life forever for the better.
But I also get taken advantage of and used a LOT!!
It doesn't make me stop giving though. I just accept it and let it go.
For example, just over a year ago a friend of mine was in the dumps so I visited him and gave him a backrub. Later he said how wonderful it was to simply receive this, precisely because I didn't expect anything back. A few months later, he asked me over -- and expected similar treatment, again with no reciprocation other than the joy of his enjoyment.
Over the following year, this pattern repeated itself several times.
Granted, he is hearty in his appreciation, but I began to feel so taken for granted that it made me physically ill. Bear in mind, he is not my boyfriend, and neither of us has any romantic interest in the other. In fact, we are not even especially close friends beyond this activity!
Then, a few months ago, he asked me to dinner -- and he didn't even OFFER to pay! And, worse, I felt horribly guilty for even hoping that he would because I had been so stuck in my "Giving Tree" mindset.
Not knowing quite how to handle this, I have simply avoided him and stalled his repeated requests for "manual" attention.
I want to tell him I'm feeling taken for granted, without it coming off like a demanding attack. Or do I just keep stalling, and hope he'll figure it