Is Soccer Better Than Sex?

It's down to the last climactic moment. On Saturday, the Netherlands and Spain will play for the 2010 World Cup title, inspiring orgasmic reactions on and off the field alike. While the sex to be had by fans is admirable in celebrating their team's victory (e.g., there's a bumper year of births in England the better their team does, which, alas, won't be so in 2011), football is the love fest. It's the substitute for sex, capturing hearts, minds, and desires like nothing else worldwide.

Arousing and adrenaline-pumping, it's the goal scoring in particular that invites an orgasmic experience that can never be had with a lover. The euphoric sensations and feelings players get from scoring a goal -- from achieving that lifelong dream -- are ones that can never be had in any other way, and shared no more passionately than with one's teammates.

Best yet, peak performance is with the whole world watching, cheering you on, letting you ride -- and ride -- this most magnificent climax as your teammates smother you with hugs, kisses, and what, in many ways, looks like simulated sex. For a lot of people, footballers and fans alike, it's all better than sex.

The World Cup final match is like no other; it's more important than any other. Unlike most people's sex lives, the thrills witnessed here are forever captured in history books. They're recounted throughout the ages. The fact that both Spain and the Netherlands have never held a World Cup title makes losing their virginity, I mean, celebrating either's victory all the more "sexciting."

So who do you predict giving you your kicks this weekend?